i'm not sure how to move on

[Pimbolie94]

Hey everyone,

 

me (22) and my ex (24) broke up about a month ago, after a six year relationship, but stopped talking to eachother since monday... he broke up with me because he was done with fighting and didn't have the same feelings anymore. I partly agree to seperating because the way we were together in the last couple of weeks was unhealthy. We argued a lot about tiny stuff (like doing the laundry) and i noticed he changed towards me (became more distant). He told me he needed space and that we should stop talking because he wanted to end all this. He also told me he felt lonely and that the house (we lived together for 1 year) felt cold. I'm just not sure if he misses me or the idea of a girlfriend. Because all the things he misses, i would be happy to give to him but he doesn't want it from me.

 

So i agreed to no contact for now but i still love him so much. I do feel like we should try to talk again in maybe a few weeks time... a part of me is still convinced he gave up to soon.. that maybe a break and counseling would help us. But he seems sure about us breaking up and he seems ''happy''.

 

My relationship with my ex family in law was very good, his parents are lovely and i had a great relationship with them and my ex's sister and her boyfriend. We'd spend time together almost every day and i really felt at home with his family.

 

I'm writing this post to distract myself from the fact that him and his family are on a mini-vacation right now. And i know this sounds stupid but i feel left out, because i'm at home with my parents and not on that vacation. I know better, because we broke up and stuff. But i can't help but feel lonely and wonder if they are all (especially him) having fun without me there. I also wonder if he is moving on (i don't mean looking for a new girlfriend but just moving on from our relationship) or that he still (sometimes) think about me. He broke up with me but i can't stop thinking about him... yesterday i got some great news and he was the one i wanted to call the most (out of habit i guess) so when i realised i can't do that anymore i started to cry.

 

 

Wow, i'm actually reading this back and don't even now what to think myself.

How did you guys handle the breakup after a long term relationship and also missing your ex's family? Did you ever feel left out whenever your ex did fun stuff with his family and wishing you were there too?

 

Tips are highly appreciated

[KM32]

This sounds painful, and I'm sorry you're going through it.

 

I think you need to move on. If he comes back now, it will likely be only with another breakup down the road. Most likely it will be when he wants to hook up, temporarily convinces himself and you that it was a mistake, and then remembers all the reasons why he wasn't feeling it before.

 

Focus on getting out there and doing something engaging. Go dancing, take Italian lessons, rock climbing--whatever it is that you do. Having interests and hobbies will get your mind off things and make you a more attractive person to yourself and others down the road.

 

(advice from someone currently in a messed up romantic situation himself)

[Pimbolie94]

Thank for replying, I appreciate it.

And I think you're right, I need to move on and focus on making myself happy. I started working out (around 3-4 times per week) and that helps a lot. I also try to socialise and luckily I have great friends and family around me. I'm past the sad stage and try to be happy and focus on positive stuff... I feel that I'm not ready yet to go out and meet new people. But I hope I will get there eventually.

 

It's just the moment I'm alone the thoughts get back. I hope this will be less over time. It helps me a bit that although he has a great family, that's all he has... he's not that good at maintaining long term friendships and stuff. (It sounds very mean but it helps me a bit )

 

I hope you are okay, if you ever need to talk or just vent. I'm a good listener

[Chief1970]

I've been in this boat. Fact is, people don't appreciate unconditional love. They are intrigued by puppy love and infatuation. In order to move on, I would highly recommend no contact. Do not chase. Block their number and delete your facebook for atleast 30 days. Stalking your ex will keep you from moving on.

[Kelley]

It's normal to miss your ex and feel lonely after a break up. I know it really hurts (understatement) but it's now time to concentrate on you and move on. So how do you move on? First accept it's over, this is the most difficult. A lot of people hold onto hope, keep in contact to try and keep hope alive. The thing keeping in contact just prolongs the hurt and stops you moving on.

 

So go NC, drag yourself out into the world, I took up a yoga class and I'm also spending more time on my running to enter a few races. Think about what you would like to try that you didn't have time to do before. Spend time with friends and loved ones. I also started a journal it's a great way to let feelings out, cry when you need to.

 

NC is sooooo hard but it does get easier with time, there is peace in the silence. Take care.

[picnicinthepark]

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup, OP. I know how much it hurts to lose someone -- you are not alone! We've all been in your shoes so trust that this is not the end, but rather, the next chapter in your life. Everything is going to be okay!

 

More often than not we don't just lose a girlfriend/boyfriend in a breakup, we also lose the people close to them (parents, siblings, relatives, friends, etc.) which can make the breakup more difficult to handle. It's natural to long for these relationships and be nostalgic but these feelings will go away in time. Keeping tabs on him and his family is probably not the best idea and is an indirect form of keeping contact. Be honest with yourself and stick to NC -- hanging on will only set you back.

 

In the interim, as others have said, focus on yourself! You're still very young and you have your entire life ahead of you. Typically when you're in a relationship for so long (especially one that begins at a younger age) you lose your identity. You're going to feel lost because you don't know anything else. Although this may seem terrifying, flip it around and see it as an opportunity to reinvent yourself!

 

You're still right in the thick of it and you're probably an emotional rollercoaster. Embrace these emotions and allow yourself to feel whatever comes. Know that you are feeling this way because you really cared about someone. Know that you are capable of giving love and receiving it. Know that you are not alone and that you are loved by friends and family. Most importantly, love yourself. If you can do these things you are on the right track.

 

I am also going through a recent breakup but I am feeling better day by day. I promise that things will only get better and one day you'll wake up and your heart won't hurt anymore. I've come to the LS forums many times to vent and seek advice and it's been an invaluable resource that's helped me through some tough times. It's only fitting that I return the favour and at the very least I hope I was able to give you some hope and optimism. You're going to be great!