Have I ruined something before it even started?

[Suruhx]

I started talking to a guy online a few months ago. We met up with each other one night and that was fine. I had planned a weekend away with my friend the following week, with a few guys we had met on holidays a few weeks before.

After I met that guy, it went silent on his part for a few days and I just assumed he was like every other guy and only wanted me for one thing, which has happened to me a lot over the past year so I just accepted it and went on my weekend away. I felt rejected by him and ended up doing something really stupid and slept with one of the guys during the weekend.

Fast forward about a month, and things with the first guy we're going ok, he had came to my house a few times and it seemed like there was potentially something between us and that things could start to get serious. He admitted that he liked me and started opening up to me and I knew I had feelings for him aswell so I was in a happy place.

A few days later I hadn't heard from him, and when I messaged him he didn't really respond until the next day. He told me that he was sorry for being distant and that his head is messed up and he has a few things to sort out. So I told him if he needed to talk then he knew where I was, I care about him and didn't want him suffering with something alone

Turns out the problem is what happened when I was away for the weekend. I was always honest with him about it, because I'm an honest person I didn't want to lie to him. We had only met the one time before I went, so it wasn't like we were anything close to being in a relationship but he says it feels to him like he's been cheated on, even though he knows it can't be called that.

He says he doesn't think he can move forward with me because he can't get images out of his head, when he thinks about it it really annoys him but he's tried and just can't get over it.

I'm not sure what to do because I have feelings for this man, which I haven't had for someone in a long time. I can understand why he is upset but I don't understand how extreme he is being about it.

If anyone has any advice for me that would be great, and sorry for the long post.

[Larryville]

Massive insecurity, don’t bother wasting any energy on the dude. If this insecure now not in a relationship imagine being in a full relationship with him.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Ridiculous expectations on his part and like Laryville said massive insecurities.

You didn't ruin it, something down the line would have made him feel jealous and he would have the same over-reaction about something else. He has no right to feel like you did anything "to" him. You didn't even know you'd see him again. Unfortunately, he's made up his mind and you need to let this one go.

 

The thing you should do differently next time is "not be so honest" about where you were and what you did with other men. It's none of anyone's business what you are doing while single and there is absolutely no need for that kind of disclosure to a guy you just met and aren't even an item yet.

 

A lot of guys assume you are sexual and assume you have a sexual past but they just don't want to hear about it. So keep it to yourself.

[Suruhx]

Yeah I think both of you make really good points. Probably best just to leave this where it is. Thanks!

[olivetree]

Did you sleep with him the first time you met?

[Suruhx]

Did you sleep with him the first time you met?

 

 

Yeah I did, he gave me the impression that's all he wanted and he knows he did that.

[Sunkissedpatio]

So you're good enough for him to sleep with on the first night you go out but if another guy gets to do with you he loses his mind and you're no longer good enough for him. Byyyyyyyye!