In your dating experience, which insecurities are most common among women?

[Hopeful30]

I came up with a few, would like your opinions

 

- fear of being cheated on/dumped

- insecure about sexual performance

- not feeling good enough for partner (including physical appearance)

- fears about being used for sex/trophy

[JoeSmith357-1]

Of the ones you listed, I would probably say this one

- fear of being cheated on/dumped

 

 

The older women get, and the longer you date them, I think "fear of commitment" from one side or the other, or both is definitely one

 

One legitimate fear that (most) women have that are in their 30's is that this whole idea of "baby clock" is ticking and they have to breed. Because of societal expectations, or their personal wants or desires.

 

So they will get into less than idea relationships and "settle", just to have a kid, and it turns into a total disaster. Or they will torpedo a relationship by pushing too hard/fast and run a guy off because they are in a hurry to settle down.

[JoeSmith357-1]

Also, on this one:

 

- insecure about sexual performance

 

 

I find more often or not, this, from their perspective is almost NEVER an issue. If she can't get off, it's ALWAYS the guy's fault, and it never even enters their mind that they might be doing something wrong or can, in any way, shape or form, assist with fixing the issue or making it better

[Larryville]

which insecurities are most common among women?

 

I would think depending on the age of the person responding you will get answers all over the map.

- fear of being cheated on/dumped

 

Having said that, I’m older and have never been with a woman where this was her insecurity, mostly because as G said in another thread “self-esteem” is seriously important and I’m not even considering and will avoid any woman who lacks self-esteem or basic confidence in what she sees when she looks in the mirror.

 

- insecure about sexual performance

 

Again, won’t find this in older women let’s say 45 plus… unless they have some past mental relationship baggage

 

- not feeling good enough for partner (including physical appearance)

 

Rinse and repeat above…

 

- fears about being used for sex/trophy

 

DITTO above

 

So they will get into less than idea relationships and "settle"

 

DITTO not dealing with anyone who wants kids, so likely applies to the 30 something crowd I guess.

 

The key is don’t date insecure women BOTH mentally and emotionally.

 

If a guy is a jackass and is incapable to being in a cohesive, respectful relationship and has poor relationship role models certainly he will continually deal with insecure unstable women.

 

A good number of men unfortunately "target" the insecure...

[jen1447]

You mean in your list or in general? In your list I'd say #3, tho it's not sth unique to women. Ppl generally are fearful about inadequacy in the context of social rejection.

 

Overall I'd say the biggest insecurity is insecurity itself - an uncertainty about a solid, reliable, social foundation within a romantic interpersonal relationship. That manifests as doubts and self-recrimination a lot of times, which is sth I see a lot of in same-sex dating (where women can be reluctant bc LGBT stuff is still socially tenuous compared to the solid foundations and traditions of heterosexuality and monogamy).

[Anika9]

i don't think insecurity is common, its cultivated not born. really depends on the person and many people don't have noticeable insecurity.

 

I think people who talk about others as insecure are trying to make themselves feel superior to diminish their own self doubt... people who talk of themselves as insecure seem to think theres no other way to live. I think insecurity is a form of narcissism.. When we care about a world larger than ourselves, insecurity becomes a germ we don't have time to nurture.

[Herbalist]

Well there are fears, and then there is insecurity. Just because someone fears something, doesn't automatically mean it is an insecurity issue.

 

Supposedly there was a survey with funny results some time ago, that the biggest fear among women with OLD was being murdered or raped, and the biggest fear among men with OLD is that their date would be fat. If that's any indication lol.

[redhairnfreckles78]

Hi,

I think it depends on the womans past experiences and her age.

Im a 38 year old female, single parent, divorced twice, so i have different insecurities to someone not in my position, if you know what i mean.

 

Life and previous relationships are what make us insecure but i also think that they can be overcome through time.

[Els]

#3 is one of the most common insecurities for women IMO (from everything I've seen and read anyway). Insecurity is largely a socially-driven issue, so people are more likely to be insecure about things that society puts more emphasis on. This is also why #2 is more common in men than in women - it's because society puts more 'value' on a man's virility and sexual performance.

 

I suppose #1 would also be a fairly common fear for both genders. #4 I personally cannot understand, as it is the least subjective and the most avoidable. If you fear being used for sex, just don't have sex early on. Only have sex early on if you're fine with casual sex and won't perceive it as 'being used'.

[DarrenB]

At the age range I'm at it's been jealousy.

 

I've always been expected to be the one to make minimal-next to no mistakes. Have this persona to them through these high expectations and carry it 24/7, 365 days a year... but, when they do something to cross the line it's fine.

 

Then all of those which you stated were in my last R/S and that f***** it up so all of them also.

 

[thecrucible]

I accept how I look and I don't cry or actively worry about it. But when I'm in a relationship, I naturally get more insecure about my looks as I worry that he doesn't find me attractive enough. I worry that he's settling for me and really has his eyes on a different type of girl (not just looks wise) as I've had this happen to me before! I can be insecure about opening up as I'm aware that some men try to take advantage. I'm more confident in my personality but yeah I guess I do worry whether we'll meet each others' expectations and whether we will still be fascinated by each other after initial fireworks have worn off. Oh and I worry about sex as well because even if you feel experienced, you never know what the new guy will want and whether you will be doing things how he wants them to be done.

[dichotomy]

Based on my modest sampling of dating women

 

- Weight, boobs, ass... appearance in general

- Cheated - another woman, old GF, will take guy away

- That the guy is hiding something bad from them about himself. Kind of insecurity or perhaps fear of the hidden. I got a few "you are great guy - why are you available to me?"

- Rejection/judgement of their past relationships or sexual activities/partners.

- Their social standing, money, family origins, or class- being good enough for guy.

 

I have very rarely seen sexual performance insecurity pre-sex, but during or post sex - especially if I might take a bit longer to O or get hard - then the insecurities some times come out, but as someone mentioned more often than not - its a mix of thinking it must be me and not them.

Edited November 6, 2016 by dichotomy

[Hopeful30]

Can you name any other insecurities? Perhaps the weirdest or unusual ones?