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She said she needs a break

danielklicka

By danielklicka
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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danielklicka New Member

danielklicka

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Hi all,

 

so I have met this girl. We became friends and after some three months we started to date. We used to see each other on weekends only because we live in different cities. We date(d?) for three months.

 

Two weeks ago we had a fight about us. She doesn t want anything serious atm yet I have been pushing her and talking about serious relationship. She is very introverted, she said that she is suffocating and needs a break from dating to take air and be emotionally alone.

 

Last week we met and talked about it. I apologized for pushing her and that I respect her need for space. Then we talked about random stuff and a few minutes before my train departed I said that I would really love to date her and if we get back together, we will take a balanced approach towards our relationship and give each other enough space. She nodded, smiled, hugged me and said goodbye. We text each other like before, except for stuff like "I miss you honey" and other sweet talking.

 

I know I messed up and I know that I was needy, pushing etc...I really wish for things to be like they were before. So what should I do? Only wait? She said she needs at least a month and promised that we will see each other at one point. When I asked her if she still wants to date me she said "I don't know"

 

P.S. I am 21 and she's 19.

Edited by danielklicka
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

Don't wait for her, OP.

 

It doesn't sound very promising if she needs a break after only 3 months. That's usually the point at which we decide if we want to take things further or go our separate ways. It sounds like you were more into her than she was into you. A girl who really likes you would generally be eager to make things official.

 

Unless you were crazy clingy and pushy, I think she's probably just realizing that those feelings aren't there for her but she's trying to let you down "gently."

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danielklicka New Member

danielklicka

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I was being really clingy and needy so I think I scared her or something.. :/ are you sure? She said she's completely honest with me.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

Nobody who isn't her can be sure. I can only speak from my own experience, and I've never called for a break with a guy I want a future with. For her to have reached that point isn't good.

 

Define "really" clingy and needy. What were you saying or doing that bothered her so much?

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danielklicka New Member

danielklicka

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For example she said she wants to spend evening alone watching movies or reading but I insisted that we spend it together etc..

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danielklicka New Member

danielklicka

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For example she said she wants to spend evening alone watching movies or reading but I insisted that we spend it together etc..

 

It's like it became serious really fast and it scared her.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
For example she said she wants to spend evening alone watching movies or reading but I insisted that we spend it together etc..

 

It's like it became serious really fast and it scared her.

 

She was annoyed, not scared.

 

That's a difficult thing to undo, as we come to view the guy as an irritation rather than someone we are excited to spend time with.

 

Whatever the reasoning, it's clear she doesn't want to be your girlfriend at this time. Will she come back? It's impossible to say. Based on what you wrote, I would again assume it's not very probable.

 

Has she by chance been dating another guy, that you know of? It's odd to me that she specified that she needs at least a month. She might be testing out someone new, or perhaps she said that because you pressured her to name a date when you could meet again.

fromheart Established Member

fromheart

Posted
Posted

Never push girls into a commitment or get clingy, you know that now.

 

Take a break translates as I've lost attraction for you, and will be looking out for someone else.

 

Just move on and look out for yourself. Stop reaching out to her, you might rekindle her attraction in her if you just let her go completely.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
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YOU want a girl to have a serious relationship with, one who wants to spend time with you.

This girl isn't it, she told you she does not want anything serious, and she got annoyed when you wanted to spend time with her.

 

It is not as if you were in each others pockets 24/7 so I see nothing wrong in two people living in different cities wanting to spend most of the week end together when they do meet up.

Forget "I was too clingy and scared her away" and substitute that with "She really didn't want to be a relationship with me."

 

At three months and really into each other, you should not be able to keep your hands off each other and any time spent together is a bonus as you want to find out all about this fascinating person you have just become involved with.

She doesn't want to spend time with you.

Move on, plenty other girls will be very happy to spend their time with you and get more "serious".

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DarrenB Established Member

DarrenB

Posted
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I think the most appropriate phrase to your situation is:

 

Absence MAY make the heart grow fonder.

 

Don't rely on that though, there's nothing worse than a high expectation and to ultimately be let down in the process.

 

Take that month that she had so graciously offered, do you and continue on as you normally would, minus her. If she returns after that month, good on you and best of luck. If not, then like I say, not having that high expectation might give you something to build off of.

kgcolonel Established Member

kgcolonel

Posted
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Take a step back and think about it....you only see / talk on the weekends....and she is telling you that she wants to have "her" time alone. She has the week evenings to have her alone time....she is actually telling you that the 'together" time isn't what she wants or needs right now....don't put your life on hold for this. Go out and enjoy yourself, if anything will make you more attractive to her it will be your independence and strength, not "needing" her.

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danielklicka New Member

danielklicka

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She said she is not dating anyone.

 

She is honest, like, very honest. It's her best and at the same time the worst trait. So if she wanted us to be apart for good, she would have said it.

 

But do you really think we won't get back together? She agreed when I said that we will take it easy in the future. She smiled, said she's gonna miss me in the meantime.

 

I honestly think it's not lost yet.

 

But still, thank you for your insight, guys, I appreciate it.

 

Our fb conversation:

 

Her: I feel like I need a break from dating. I suffocate, I need to take air.

 

Me: I see, so, should I come next weekend or not then?

 

Her: We'll see, maybe I'd like to wait a bit more. Again I'm so sorry

 

Me: Alright, we'll see then.

 

Her: Thank you for showing understanding. And I repeat: You are not being replaced. I am not dating anyone.

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danielklicka New Member

danielklicka

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And of course, when we talk together, I am cool, I'm not begging her, pleading. I am spending time with friends, enjoying my hobbies and stuff.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
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She is not into you the way you are into her, OP.

 

For what it's worth, it sounds like she is a nice enough girl but she doesn't want to lead you on.

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