rose27 Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 I feel like I'm going insane. I honestly feel like there must be something wrong with me for feeling this way. I started dating a guy I work with (yes, I know, big mistake) in April this year. The spark was there, the connection was there and I felt like he could have been the one. He was the one who said 'I love you' first, despite him not being a very openly emotional guy. He talked about a future with me and he was very serious about our relationship. I think it was something I wanted for such a long time and I finally felt like everything was falling into place. He gave me butterflies and I was so excited for the first time in a long time about planning a future with someone. Fast forward to June. Things just changed. He was becoming too busy at work (he has a business outside of work) and had limited time to see me. It put a strain on our relationship and I had insecurity issues because I felt like he might have been avoiding me. It all became too much for him and he ended it. I was devastated. How could he say 'I love you', but give up on me so easily? After this I struggled a lot. We still saw each other to sleep together which didn't help me at all, but I was still struggling to let go. In July, he told me that he missed me. I was so happy. I thought things were going to change and we were going to work it out, but then he spoke to his mother who has never met me and decided it wasn't going to work. Mind you, he's 33, but I guess being Italian his mother still makes his life deicisions. I was so upset about this and I was severely depressed at this stage. One day in August, he started texting me while we were at work and said that he loved the top I had on. I was quite confused by this. That afternoon, he invited me over. He seemed really happy and playful which is strange because he's usually stressed about work. I went over even though I was trying so hard to be strong. When I was there, he told me how much he missed me whilst hugging me. This time I didn't want to believe it, but a part of me was still excited by this. A couple of days later, I sent a text saying 'You don't really miss me' and he responded saying 'Of course I do'. Then all of a sudden, the meet ups stopped. Things have been hot and cold between us. He hasn't mentioned anything about missing me since August. I don't know why, but I'm struggling to move on. I think I'm holding on to the things I believed we could have been. I'm holding on to the 'I love you' that I so patiently waited for for years after my last relationship and the promise of a future between us. At this stage, finding a new job is difficult and is not really an option. Next year I do hope to find a job, but I need this job until at least January next year. I am fearful of him moving on with someone else. I know it was only a brief time that we were together, but things moved so quickly between us it honestly felt like I'd known him for years. I know I need to somehow move on, but sometimes I feel like he is still the one. Other times I say I must be delusional. How can I get through this? It is driving me insane. I am trying so hard but I can't contain my emotions. I cry on the way home from work some days because it's all too much for me. I don't even know if getting another job will help. If anyone can offer some support or advice, I would really appreciate it because I feel so broken right now beyond belief.
books2 Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 I too am going through something similar... I'm not in a state to hand out advice, but am probably further along the path of healing than you are... For what it's worth, this video helped me out... Check it out:
Kelley Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 There is nothing to hold on to. Forget about what he said and really think about his actions. If a man wants to be with you, he makes an effort a real effort and just suddenly going cold, well things have changed for him and he is no longer interested. It could drive you crazy thinking about what went wrong. You really need to accept that it's over and he has moved on. You need to take off those rose coloured glasses and think about how he has treated you. It's time to let go, get some self respect back. He wasn't the one but who knows you may meet the one in the future. But you have to close this door for another one to open. Get yourself in a better place don't let this guy keep you down, no man is worth that. You will have to go through some pain to heal up, but you will get there. Spend time with friends and loved ones get out in the world and get happy. Build your own life up so much so someone will want to share it one day. This is a really bad time I know but it will pass. Take care.
Kelsy Posted November 6, 2016 Posted November 6, 2016 Stay strong! I feel your pain, really do. You can try some good activities to keep you distracted. It helps me the most. The pain comes from your thoughts. Try reverse thinking. Like you were the one dumped him, coz you deserve a better man. Think about his flaws (commitment phobe etc) and try to train your mind to concentrate his flaws and imagine a new guy who has great personality traits. Just constantly say to yourself that you deserve a better man and imagine it. You are great and a good person (dont forget that) and you deserve happiness! And when your mind starts to tell you this sad story "why me, whats wrong with me, why I am not good enough etc..." I have these moments (like today) Just stop it and pick yourself up! Say F..k it! I can get through this! Something better is coming and really believe it! Set some goals to yourself and start to pursue them. It gives you energy and happiness. The pain will fade but it takes time.
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