J dub Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 I wouldnt doubt this exact thing is posted somewhere else on here, but I would just like to reiterate something for ya'll because I have been trying to recover from being dumped and I am seeing a huge trend. If you have been dumped, think of it like this...when you were little did you ever have one of those bouts where you wanted to run away? you'd say to your mom "I AM LEAVING and NEVER COMING BACK!" think about how you would feel if she were to say, "Ok, I'll help you pack your bags" Give your ex the same treatment. Get them out. Second: the longer it takes you to accept its over is like asking for a second, third and fourth helping of PAIN. I promise you that once you say to yourself, ok its over...the past is the past...I cant change it but I CAN change my attitude, you'll start feeling better already. Third: some people seem to think that with NC, they are going to get their Ex back. Please dont fall in to this trap!! You are completely dismissing my second point! Let it go, and NC will be about YOU getting over THEM, not *waiting* for them. The great part is, IF they do come back (which they probably wont so dont even entertain this idea) you'll already be WELL in to the process of getting past them and the likliness of you falling under their spell again is much less. Please keep in mind that they LEFT YOU ALONE. They hurt you. You do not want someone who does this to you. Hanging on is only prolonging the inevitable - so start dealing with the situation now and not later. The great thing about NC is - you'll definitely get over them FASTER. It's like putting a band-aid over your wound and not allowing germs (your ex) get into there and infecting it again. Lets all put our band aids on and get on with our lives so we can meet the love of our life who will NOT leave us in the cold
totallyconfused Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 WERD. At first I thought to myself - this is the way to get him to come back to me by NC. BUT NO. I shouldnt think like that I should be NC to rid of him out of my life. The "right" reason to not call. Which is exactly what I plan to do today! Today is the beginning. If I can last for 7 days, I'M IN THE CLEAR! Update me on how things are goin. We are paralleling the same feelings. I will have to say, its only been about 5 days now since we've broken up. Its an open wound for me. I am strong throughout the day, its just the morning that gets me. The moment I wake up, its like a terrifying feeling. Its like I wake up - BOOM I'm alone. There no tenderness, nothing for me. But after it, I get a little stronger. I look in the mirror and say - CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS. You dont need a man, you got your sh*t goin and your making more money than him. You dont need anybody buy yourself. i even wrote myself a letter about how freakin awesome i am and read it every hour while i was at work yesterday. it helped me.
Author J dub Posted July 12, 2005 Author Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by totallyconfused WERD. At first I thought to myself - this is the way to get him to come back to me by NC. BUT NO. I shouldnt think like that I should be NC to rid of him out of my life. The "right" reason to not call. Which is exactly what I plan to do today! Today is the beginning. If I can last for 7 days, I'M IN THE CLEAR! Update me on how things are goin. We are paralleling the same feelings. I will have to say, its only been about 5 days now since we've broken up. Its an open wound for me. I am strong throughout the day, its just the morning that gets me. The moment I wake up, its like a terrifying feeling. Its like I wake up - BOOM I'm alone. There no tenderness, nothing for me. But after it, I get a little stronger. I look in the mirror and say - CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS. You dont need a man, you got your sh*t goin and your making more money than him. You dont need anybody buy yourself. i even wrote myself a letter about how freakin awesome i am and read it every hour while i was at work yesterday. it helped me. Yeah, I'm only on day 5 as well (last thurs was D day) so I know how you feel. I had a real tough time yesterday because he text messaged me but I resisted the urge to respond. CANT DO IT! The mornings are the worst for me too though I wake up and think, damn another day I have to deal with this. But its getting easier, and will continue to get better with time. Just take it a day at a time, you know?
sanne Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 great advice as usual, i regret responding to my ex in the first place. i assumed it would be a short polite convo, but it snowballed into something much bigger. so beware everyone out there, NC has strange effects on the ex.
Author J dub Posted July 12, 2005 Author Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by sanne NC has strange effects on the ex. We need to start a thread: Experiences so far with NC. Compare notes
westernxer Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 CK, I think you dodged a bullet. She was with you out of convenience... just be grateful you didn't impregnate her. She's not worthy of bearing your seed.
Merin Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by J dub you'd say to your mom "I AM LEAVING and NEVER COMING BACK!" think about how you would feel if she were to say, "Ok, I'll help you pack your bags" Damn.. My Mom actually DID say that Great thread JDub NC is suppose to help in making YOU better not a way of wearing someone else down.. *I think I need to have a chat with my Mom.. WTF is up with that?!*
westernxer Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 ckguy wrote: West, you are so right.. if she did get pregnant by me... it would be all a money game then with support checks... with the money I make at work.. she probably would be getting more from me then she makes at her job. She don't want her babies father now to have much contact with her... but she took him for child support and he makes only like $300 a week and he has to give her $76.00 weekly.... I am very lucky in that aspect She has another kid on top of it? You really dodged a bullet. She sounds irresponsible, definitely immature. To think she could've snagged your paycheck for the next 18 years... no doubt you'd be hating life right now. Go find someone who actually cares about you. Don't settle for trash. And make sure to wear a rubber, even when they say they're on the pill. You'll be sorry if you don't.
Author J dub Posted July 12, 2005 Author Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Damn.. My Mom actually DID say that Yep, my mom said it to me too~ Great thread JDub Thanks !! NC is suppose to help in making YOU better not a way of wearing someone else down.. Exactly.
Author J dub Posted July 12, 2005 Author Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by ck_guy02 yes she has a 3 year old daughter that I basically raised as my own daughter with her since she was 8 months old..... nice isn't it.... I know youre still bitter about it all, but it seems to me that you reliving it over and over in these threads, asking questions about what it means and why she did it is only making you worse off. Over analyzing is what females do - no offense but youre barking up the wrong tree with her, find someone who is worthy of your time and love.
westernxer Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 CK... You know now, and that's what matters most. We all learn the same way -- by screwing up. At least you escaped without getting your hands dirty. Your heart? It'll heal on its own, but only if you let it. Just don't settle for anyone. Now you know.
NightsEcho Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Here is the thing......Begging and pleading won't bring back an ex. Nothing will. No matter what plan you have swirling in your head not one thing will bring them back. NC will help you heal and maintain dignity...and also raises your chance of future contact from them about 0.00000001 % higher. Time to move on P.S. Merin.....how could you have been dumped, your so hot
Merin Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by NightsEcho Here is the thing......Begging and pleading won't bring back an ex. Nothing will. No matter what plan you have swirling in your head not one thing will bring them back. NC will help you heal and maintain dignity...and also raises your chance of future contact from them about 0.00000001 % higher. Time to move on P.S. Merin.....how could you have been dumped, your so hot LOL Thanks My BF had issues in our relationship.. lots of fear of committment this, that, the other... He was insecure and at the time he felt it was better to end the relationship then to worry that I would leave him eventually... We didn't speak to one another for about 3 weeks.. He called me 3 weeks later and wanted to talk... I dunno.. he said he had been running so hard for 3 weeks and came to the conclusion there wasn't any getting around things... he doesn't want to not have me in his life...
Jijomo Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by J dub Lets all put our band aids on Oh, I LOVE that! Everyone, meet my new sig tag!
Author J dub Posted July 12, 2005 Author Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by Jijomo Oh, I LOVE that! Everyone, meet my new sig tag! I've got mine on
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 I haven't stopped contacting him because like you, I don't do NC if I want him back. I'll do it when I'm ready to forget about him or when he asks me to stop. Until he tells me he doesn't want to see me, or doesn't love me or not to contact him, I'll continue to send him the occasional text or leave a msg. I can't email cuz his email addy all of a sudden doesn't work. He wont' return my texts or calls and I don't know why but I msg'd him that I will not make assumptions. I don't even know if he is getting them because he could be working in a remote area, which is why we broke it off. I want to call him again, so bad but I talk myself out of it cuz I know he probably won't answer, but then what if he does this time? So then I call him, and leave another message. Okay, I'm not stupid either, and I can take a hint. The problem is, he is not the type to play games, and if I take this as a hint that he doesn't want me, I could be wrong, and then there would be no chance. I don't want him to assume anything by doing NC and making him think I've moved on either. I want to be honest, that's all. I don't want to appear like I'm stalking him. UGGGGH men!
Author J dub Posted July 12, 2005 Author Posted July 12, 2005 I guess the way I see it, he can contact me (since he LEFT me to begin with) if he needs to talk. Otherwise, for all he knows I could be already with someone else
Fallen_Angel Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 Originally posted by J dub The mornings are the worst for me too though I wake up and think, damn another day I have to deal with this. But its getting easier, and will continue to get better with time. Just take it a day at a time, you know? I agree, this is a great thread!! Time has definitely become a blur for me. In fact last week I looked in the mirror and thought "I simply can't believe it's been 3 months!" For the longest time every day felt like the day after. In the beginning I told myself getting out of bed each day was my first victory. After all, I could have theoretically hidden in my bed for a while until I felt "strong" enough to face the world, but would I want to waste all my vacation days crying over my dimwitted ex? Keeping track of each day of NC is a fantastic motivator. Also, I found that writing helps a lot. In addition to writing letters (and not sending them!!), making a list of the things you want from your next relationship will shed a little light on what was missing with your ex. I certainly agree you should wait for your ex to contact you. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: he or she knows your phone number, cell phone number, e-mail address, IM name, home address, and so forth...they know where you can be found! Why waste the effort?
queenie01 Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 Has any of your exs actually contacted you at all? Mine seems to resurface just when im starting to get over him...its extremely frustrating because i sort of feel like im in a game of chutes and ladders. Just as I get to the top of the game and I am about to win, he contacts me and i fall right back down the ladder...how sad! I decided on monday that i am going to change my gym schedule so that I wont see him.... Its not fair to me that he has access to seeing me everyday right?
Author J dub Posted July 13, 2005 Author Posted July 13, 2005 Originally posted by Fallen_Angel I certainly agree you should wait for your ex to contact you. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: he or she knows your phone number, cell phone number, e-mail address, IM name, home address, and so forth...they know where you can be found! Why waste the effort? TOTALLY agree I <3 the killers, Fallen Angel So I <3 your signature
Fallen_Angel Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 Originally posted by J dub I <3 the killers, Fallen Angel So I <3 your signature Why thanks, J Dub! I really enjoy Wicker Park (mmmm Josh Hartnett ), so I adore your signature as well!!! Queenie, it's definitely not fair to you. It obviously doesn't help the healing process, and furthermore, your absence stresses to your ex what he's given up by dumping you. Why should you interact with him and let him off the hook? Why should he get to keep only the aspects of the relationship HE wants?! I really need to start following my own & everyone else's advice, though. My ex called last night, just as he said he would, and told me to call him later this week. I do want to be friends with him, but not while I'm still in emotional upheaval. (It really is chutes and ladders - you WILL make progress, but then again you WILL fall back down a little from time to time.) And I certainly don't want him to think we can somehow easily downgrade a 3+ year relationship into a friendship.
queenie01 Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 Yeah friendship isnt even an option for me at this point, furthermore, we werent friends before we dated so why be friends now. I have nothing to say to him. My feelings are still SOOOO strong for him so it sucks knowing everyday he is 4 floors above me, can you imagine? I think my only choice now is to let go and walk away....who knows what i will gain from it in the process but if anything at all i will gain my self esteem back and my dignity for that matter. No one deserves to be dumped for no reason, if he has issues, he should have shared that with me.
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