E-Squared Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 I am sure that we have all been there before. Attraction is a natural thing and some people can control it, others can't. I am facing something at the moment but at least I have been avoiding the issue. Here is what I mean: There is this bookstore that I sometimes go into to look for used comic trade paperbacks or even cheap DVD's. There is this attractive woman who works there and I will admit that she has caught my attention in the past, but right when that happened I had to glance at her left hand to see if there was a ring. And what do you know, there were actually two, which included the engagement ring (A lot of people like to do that). The thing that gets me is that despite knowing that she is spoken for, I still feel somewhat attracted to her. I am mostly a semi-regular at this place. I have my name on a list there, but I don't frequent it. What are some ways to fight this attraction I have towards her? The good thing is that I am conscious of it and not trying to act on it. Also, feel free to share some moments when you were attracted to a hitched person. I used person in the topic line because it can apply to any sex. 1
jen1447 Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 A lot of married women push an aura of happiness/positivity/confidence/security/determination that's very sexy when taken as a whole, so ....mmm, yeah lots of spousal arousal out there in my world. And I don't try to stop it (kinda futile) tho acting on it's another matter. 2
Herbalist Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 What makes it so different just because you can't have someone for X reason, as opposed to any other? Like there have been plenty of people who I have found to be quite attractive who I will never be able to touch with even a 10 foot pole lol. Fictional people, famous people, people in other countries I happened to meet online, taken people, people who just simply were not interested in me even if they were single and lived in the same city, etc. It's all the same to me. I appreciate the eye candy from the universe and enjoy it, may even incorporate into a fantasy or two for self-love purposes. But that's it. Oh well. No big deal. 2
Author E-Squared Posted November 3, 2016 Author Posted November 3, 2016 A lot of married women push an aura of happiness/positivity/confidence/security/determination that's very sexy when taken as a whole, so ....mmm, yeah lots of spousal arousal out there in my world. And I don't try to stop it (kinda futile) tho acting on it's another matter. That is true. It's not like I am going after her. Even if she was going through marital problems and she came onto me, I don't think I'd go with it. 3
Satu Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 Nobody cares if you only think about robbing a bank. Take care. 6
Springsummer Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 Nobody cares if you only think about robbing a bank. Take care. 5
Author E-Squared Posted November 5, 2016 Author Posted November 5, 2016 So do any of you have examples of crushes on married men or women? What did you do about it?
Springsummer Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 So do any of you have examples of crushes on married men or women? What did you do about it? When I was hired by my ex-manager, I was kindda captivated by his handsome look. but once I found out he was married and had kids, my attraction to him in that way just automatically disappeared despised we worked together. I don't know. Maybe I am a very puritanical kindda person. I don't want to touch anybody who has the smell of another woman on his skin. That just turn me off. 2
Buddhist Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 I've never had to fight attractions like this. As soon as I discover they are not available my brain just switches gears and its as if they are invisible to me. Fighting an attraction is basically obsessing about it. The more you try not to think about it, the more you are thinking about it. Attraction has to be sustained with constant thought otherwise it just dies on the vine. 1
niji Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 (edited) So do any of you have examples of crushes on married men or women? What did you do about it? Guilty Everybody saw that he had a ring on (he never tried to hide it either, when we became good friends he talked about his wife a lot), except me. I saw nothing (is this selective vision/denial?). Until my friends pointed it out . In general I can be pretty absent-minded too, but not THIS clueless. What to do? In my case it was easy because we were working together for a definite amount of time (overseas) and never saw each other again. So I sucked it up, cut all contact (he and I got along very well as friends so I'm sure he wouldn't mind keeping in touch, but I couldn't handle the thought of it), bawled my eyes out for a week or two and felt miserable for a good few months, but all ended well because that was the only thing I could do that wouldn't kill my conscience I've never cried so much over any man before, including my ex of 4 years and a long-time friend who subtly rejected me (wanted to "stay friends" but still initiated contact when I went NC), and this married guy and I weren't even remotely getting to know each other romantically. I could say that I knew very little about him. The fact that he was always appropriate with me/other females (hence being faithful to his wife) despite us getting along great as friends made him even more attractive, and the vicious cycle continues. I'm sure it's the unrealized/unrequited feelings that made it stronger - people are always very attractive when you don't get to know their unattractive traits . Edited November 7, 2016 by niji
dreamingoftigers Posted November 8, 2016 Posted November 8, 2016 I had a crush on an art teacher in grade 11. He did not wear a ring. Then he started talking about his wife etc. In one class, I felt so so so guilty. I could never step out with someone married. Or step into someone else's relationship. A very big part of me never understood how people could.
Toodaloo Posted November 8, 2016 Posted November 8, 2016 Crushes are one thing and its fine to crush on someone... Its fine to look and think yum... What is not fine is to then develop more emotion and feeling with that yum thought. If a person is attached in any way then walk away... 1
cocorico Posted November 8, 2016 Posted November 8, 2016 So do any of you have examples of crushes on married men or women? What did you do about it? I acted on it. We're now married.
jen1447 Posted November 8, 2016 Posted November 8, 2016 So do any of you have examples of crushes on married men or women? What did you do about it? Yeah, prob not fit for young ears.
Author E-Squared Posted November 17, 2016 Author Posted November 17, 2016 I acted on it. We're now married. Was your spouse in a bad marriage previously?
cocorico Posted November 20, 2016 Posted November 20, 2016 Was your spouse in a bad marriage previously? Yes, though he was initially in denial about how bad it was.
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