regarding love Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 Hey guys and gals, I posted this as a comment in a different thread but felt I should post separately, if you could give your opinions that would be great. I used to work with a girl and at the time we were both in relationships (I still am) and we kinda clicked, although it's fair to say we are quite different and a few years apart.* We would often sit next to each other, if she saw me she would in most opportunities come and sit with me. She gave me lifts home on occasion and would take breaks with me on several occasions, we got on well and people did comment on our 'friendship'. I assumed we got on well due to the fact we were both in relationships and could almost trust one another.* We did eventually stop talking/hanging out so much at work, me due to the fact that I felt I was getting too close/flirtatious. Why she stopped I have no idea. We moved on to different areas within the company and never saw each other afterwards. Then she asked to meet and shared with me the end of her relationship and was rather upset. I had nice chats with her and we spoke at length about relationships, moving on and an odd embarrassing chat about sex. I avoided that, although she initiated it. She would ask about my relationship and ask to meet me most days at work for several months and she was telling me about guys who liked her or were chatting to her, or who she thought was hot.* Eventually she just stopped meeting me and we never really spoke, maybe for the best as I am still in a committed relationship. However when I do see her around it's like she notices me but doesn't want me to know. We do glance from time to time and I swear I see her in the corner of my eye looking, I may be mistaken. If I speak to her friends and she's there, her phone or bag becomes suddenly more interesting.* Honestly I am not sure if she actually likes me and is trying to hide it or is actually pissed at me or not interested in being my friend suddenly.* Very confused by the whole thing
Toodaloo Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 She fancied you. You didn't give up your girl for her. So she moved on. Simples. 3
Gloria25 Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 She fancied you. You didn't give up your girl for her. So she moved on. Simples. Exactly.... I mean, wouldn't expect her to chase you down knowing you're involved with someone else. Not sure why you don't see that
Author regarding love Posted November 3, 2016 Author Posted November 3, 2016 Exactly.... I mean, wouldn't expect her to chase you down knowing you're involved with someone else. Not sure why you don't see that No. I don't expect her to chase me down. I wasn't even sure that she actually had any feelings for me that way. Still don't! Appreciating the opinions guys.
Toodaloo Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 No. I don't expect her to chase me down. I wasn't even sure that she actually had any feelings for me that way. Still don't! Appreciating the opinions guys. She did and now she doesn't. Short version I know but... I am afraid I am a bit short on flowers and muffins today. Blame it on PMT. 1
Author regarding love Posted November 3, 2016 Author Posted November 3, 2016 She did and now she doesn't. Short version I know but... I am afraid I am a bit short on flowers and muffins today. Blame it on PMT. To be honest Toodaloo I may sound like a total d*** but I kinda had feelings for her. From the moment I met her I found her 'attractive' and eventually through the chats, lifts home and breaks together I developed a crush. But I told myself every reason why I should dismiss my feelings, she was totally out of my league and we are both very different. Also regardless of issues in my relationship I still had/have a lovely girlfriend who trusts me. And despite all that I still think "what if?"
spideywoman Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 Well, what if indeed? You're awfully preoccupied with this lady I do think there was an interest there. You rejected her, she moved on. Perhaps there's something lingering in her still, who knows. It shouldn't matter, though, since you remain with your girlfriend. Do what she's doing, get her out of your mind. And if you can't, there you go ...
Author regarding love Posted November 4, 2016 Author Posted November 4, 2016 Well, what if indeed? You're awfully preoccupied with this lady I do think there was an interest there. You rejected her, she moved on. Perhaps there's something lingering in her still, who knows. It shouldn't matter, though, since you remain with your girlfriend. Do what she's doing, get her out of your mind. And if you can't, there you go ... Thanks spideywoman (cool name by the way) you are 100% right when you say I am preoccupied with this other lady. The truth is I have been with my girlfriend since I was 16, we're like best friends, we've grown up together. In all that time no other girl has ever appealed to me, I've met some lovely girls and some are more like me than my current girlfriend but I never thought twice about them. For some reason this work friend is different and that's what confuses me. She's very different to me but I do think about her more than any girl aside from my GF. I feel terrible about it and this forum just allows me to vent my feelings and somehow feel less guilty I guess. I guess the girl at work is very beautiful and all the guys comment about her and how she looks and the fact that she showed some unknown interest in me, a completely geeky guy to what she usually goes for (her ex for example) absolutely baffles me, for some reason though we got on very well and I felt like she did have feelings for me, although I don't know for sure. I hate the way I feel honestly.
Timshel Posted November 4, 2016 Posted November 4, 2016 Break up with your gf and explore other possibilities. You are not married and no woman or man would want to be with someone who is wondering 'what if' about someone else. Now is the time to do it as opposed to after marriage and children. The risk is that you discover the grass is not greener and the one you ditched is no longer interested or available...such is life. 1
loverboy69 Posted November 5, 2016 Posted November 5, 2016 If I was attracted to someone who was already in a committed relationship then I likely couldn't remain friends with him and would distance myself especially if we worked together. It's hard to be "just friends," or buddies with someone that you have feelings for. (from experience). No more joking around or high fives on my part as long as the feelings are too strong.
Author regarding love Posted November 5, 2016 Author Posted November 5, 2016 If I was attracted to someone who was already in a committed relationship then I likely couldn't remain friends with him and would distance myself especially if we worked together. It's hard to be "just friends," or buddies with someone that you have feelings for. (from experience). No more joking around or high fives on my part as long as the feelings are too strong. Thanks. I guess I thought I had upset her as I didn't think she had any feelings for me.
Author regarding love Posted November 7, 2016 Author Posted November 7, 2016 I think you guys could be right. I have seen her around recently and regardless of whether I am with friends or by myself she does avoid me completely. Doesn't even come over to say hi, she always did previous. Although I understand you guys said she tried to let me know she was interested and that I made a choice and rejected her, how could I reject her if I didn't know she wanted me to make a choice? Perhaps she already knew my answer. Cheers
Sweetfish Posted November 7, 2016 Posted November 7, 2016 Break up with your gf and explore other possibilities. You are not married and no woman or man would want to be with someone who is wondering 'what if' about someone else. Now is the time to do it as opposed to after marriage and children. The risk is that you discover the grass is not greener and the one you ditched is no longer interested or available...such is life. Wth.. you cant act on every feeling. What your body feels is not always right, because your brain will play tricks on you. I think you need to read up on "ego strength." If you meet up with a co-worker and both of you are in a relationship. You both cheat and get together. What keeps you or her from not being in the same scenario as your exes in the future.
Toodaloo Posted November 8, 2016 Posted November 8, 2016 I think you guys could be right. I have seen her around recently and regardless of whether I am with friends or by myself she does avoid me completely. Doesn't even come over to say hi, she always did previous. Although I understand you guys said she tried to let me know she was interested and that I made a choice and rejected her, how could I reject her if I didn't know she wanted me to make a choice? Perhaps she already knew my answer. Cheers That is because your actions have made it clear to her that she doesn't have a chance with you so she is doing the sensible thing and staying away... You knew something was there. You just made the choice not to act on it. I don't know what to advise. You could be suffering with a touch of gigs or you could just be in like rather than love with your girlfriend. Time to have a think and decide what you want I guess. To coin a phrase its time to sh** or get off the pot.
joseb Posted November 8, 2016 Posted November 8, 2016 Tyou are 100% right when you say I am preoccupied with this other lady. The truth is I have been with my girlfriend since I was 16, we're like best friends, we've grown up together. Honestly, I think this infatuation you have is driven by the fact that you got together too young with your girlfriend and you probably want out, but don't want to admit this to yourself. How old are you? You don't have to stay with you GF if you are not happy. And I don't think someone happy in a relationship would be so preoccupied about some girl you used to work with. 1
Author regarding love Posted November 10, 2016 Author Posted November 10, 2016 That is because your actions have made it clear to her that she doesn't have a chance with you so she is doing the sensible thing and staying away... You knew something was there. You just made the choice not to act on it. I don't know what to advise. You could be suffering with a touch of gigs or you could just be in like rather than love with your girlfriend. Time to have a think and decide what you want I guess. To coin a phrase its time to sh** or get off the pot. Thanks once again for your reply. You mention that I knew there was something there. Honestly I didn't, perhaps I was blond to it. I just assumed that I was much to nerd and ugly for her I guess, she knew I was in a relationship so surely she was just comfortable around me due to that fact. That's what I thought. My girlfriend and I are very hot and cold recently. It's due to personal circumstances in regards to her than has prevented us from "making love" for a long time. I want to help her through that, not abandon her.
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