The Grass Is Greener Syndrome With My Ex Girlfriend

[GreaterThings9]

Hello,

 

I have been split up with my ex girlfriend for around three 1/2 months now. I am 22 years old and my ex is 19. We met in college and we was happily together for almost a year but within the last month of the relationship things starting to become stagnant. I noticed these changes but I kept telling myself with time it will sort itself out. Before I go into detail I have to mention that she has a long previous relationship from high school which lasted five years and it ended badly as she found out he cheated on her many times throughout it which destroyed her. I met her about eight months after that relationship, she told me when I first met her she was in a dark place with her depression and contemplated suicide. She found it very difficult to trust me for months but she let her guard down and she even said to me that she can't believe how much she trusts me after everything she has been through in the past. I have to mention that she only slept with her ex and it took her six months to feel comfortable to sleep with me. (After the first time we was at it all the time haha.)

 

The break up between us was a mutual decision, towards the end of the relationship she got a new job in which she met lots of new work colleagues. I noticed the change in her behaviour within weeks of having her new job. She was working a lot and most shifts would be between 5PM - 12:30Am. We drifted apart as communication starting to become less because of her working. It come to a point in which it was bringing us both down so we agreed to call it off. I felt ok with the decision at the start but after like a week and I panicked and thought it was over for good so I made the typical mistakes by pleading that she would give it another chance (I always had the power in the relationship but now I gave it all to her). The excuses she gave me for not wanting to get back together was that it was 'wrong timing for us' and 'she wants to be alone' and the best option is for me to move on. She has suffered from extreme depression since she was young in which she opened up to me about in the relationship so I assumed she just needed space. For almost two months with low contact I gave her space hoping she would message me and want to reconcile. I forgot to mention after the breakup we agreed to meet to talk when we was both available but the longer it went the more I lost hope.

 

After two and half months I started to get frustrated because on Snapchat I actively seen she was out partying with her work colleagues, going for meals etc which made me feel like **** when she said she will meet me when she is not working or in college. For a girl who barley snapchats all week but soon as she goes out on the weekend she posts loads of her and other boys. She knows full well I will see them so its like she is pushing me away on purpose. Stupid me after I seen this three times, week after week I came to a point and reacted. I went and deleted her off snapchat and I had some of her belongings left in my house so on the Sunday I just took them to her house and left them by her front door (because nobody was there). I messaged her telling her that I have left them by there. She responded with 'So i guess you don't want to meet then'. I was angry so I became stubborn saying whats the point in meeting when were not together, theres nothing to talk about. She asked a few times that she wants to meet know but I shut her down because I was angry. She told me she was hurt that I think so little of her and asked why has my attitude suddenly changed. I told her the reason is because of the constant snapchat stories of her with boys, I said I don't mind her going out I'm not controlling but its the fact you post it all on snapchat. I might be wrong but when I'm having a good night I don't post it all on snapchat, its like she's trying to prove to me she can live without me. After sending the message explaining why my attitude changed she never replied. I read back on my messages day after and realised I did overreact and I was in the wrong. So I messaged her apologising for acting like an idiot and that I don't think so little of her and the reason I deleted her of social media and took her stuff was for me too move on. I ended the text by saying 'nobodys perfect, we all make mistakes and I hope we can meet up to clear the air in the future. '.

 

I heard no reply and tbh I didn't expect a reply after what I did. She must of been hurt when I took her stuff back and through the whole relationship we spoke through snapchat so that was a big thing for me to delete her so she must of been affected. After having time to reflect I believe we both made mistakes in the relationship and how we dealt with things. As far as i know she is enjoying the single life and going out and meeting new people and I have no problem with that. At the end of the day she is 19 almost 20 and never had the chance to go out partying so I can't blame her for wanting to see what is out there. Its coming up to both of our birthdays soon (Our birthday is on the same day on new years eve which is mad). We have been NC for almost two weeks now and I don't plan on reaching out to her any time soon. I want her to explore the world and meet new people so she can realise how good our relationship was, its just unfortunate we are young and that we couldn't of met years down the line.

 

To summarise the post, I believe that she had GIGS and wanted to explore life without having any distractions. It feels like I barley recognise the girl now, she was really quiet and didn't like attention but now she goes out all the time partying and seems to be fine with the whole breakup. She was always good at hiding her feelings throughout the relationship so who knows, she might of had a hard time but it doesn't seem like it. Im glad that I have came to realisation that I need to move on with my life even is she isn't in the picture. The best decision I made was to delete her of snapchat so I would't get reminded of her and what she is up to. I really wish her all the best and I hope that she finds happiness wherever that may be. For now I am focusing on myself as I am still young to be tied down with a relationship. Who knows maybe in the future she may contact me to meet and talk but Im not holding on that just in case it never happens.

 

I will keep you updated with the situation if anything happens. Any questions or advice would be appreciated

[Toodaloo]

She is young. This is what young people do.

 

You will move on and find someone else soon enough. Relax.

[Chief1970]

Don't chase her. She's young and so are you. Have fun dating others. She has no idea what she wants from life.

[cucumber95]

You did same mistake as me, you taken young girl seriously, well you learned now that you should not. With young girls like that you should not take them serious, they still don't know what they want in life.

 

My advice is don't chase her, when my ex-gf (17 year old) wanted to break up, I begged and said sorry to her (which I should not, because break up would not be my fault), then turned out that she wanted to "fake-breakup" to make me change o_O, so I chased her, and then she gave me some chances and broke up with me ... just to note, I wanted to breakup with her couple months before she did because she was lying, etc... but she cried, and begged me to stay so I did becuse I tought she is young so she can make mistakes.

 

What I am trying to tell you is that even if she comes back, don't take it serious, because she would do it again, and chance of that is extremly high.

 

 

Good luck

[SaltAndLight]

Sounds like there are still a lot of emotions involved on both parts. It seems like quite a load to deal with at a young age…but love has a way of bringing out things in us. I think it was a wise decision for you to not be friends on snapchap any longer. Since seeing what she is doing is effecting you in a negative way, its best to not know. Focusing on your life and heart is the best thing you can do right now. The friendship may rekindle later, and if it is right, then so be it, but if not, you will be ok. Thanks for the transparency!