Hondo Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 I was married for 20 years when my wife left me. I have found a new partner and I think she is great. I enjoy her company and love spending time with her and she has made me realise what a favour my wife did me by ending our marriage. I am so much happier with her than I was with my wife. She is everything I have ever wanted. But I am ashamed to say this but like me she is in her 50s and quite frankly I do not find her sexually attractive. I can see the hypocracy in what I have just said after all I too am in my 50s and I am no Brad Pitt or Daniel Craig ( both in their 50s). I apologise to any women of my age reading this but I cannot help what I feel. I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But when she says "do you think I am sexy" I lie and say yes. Am I just being honest here and getting old is just **** and just keep up the lie or is it me - I am well whatever.
Buddhist Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 Do her a favour then and don't spend the rest of your life with her. I'm quite certain she doesn't want to be lied to and truly wants to find someone who does find her attractive. 7
SammySammy Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 Sexiness is an attitude. Not an age or a dress size. I've found many women to be sexy though they might not be the nubile girl of our boyhood fantasies. I hate being put on the spot by questions like that, but there are many mature women who ooze sexiness. No need to lie about it. She could probably improve in certain areas, but we mature men should open our minds and recognize sexiness is found in many forms. 6
Gr8fuln2020 Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 I was married for 20 years when my wife left me. I have found a new partner and I think she is great. I enjoy her company and love spending time with her and she has made me realise what a favour my wife did me by ending our marriage. I am so much happier with her than I was with my wife. She is everything I have ever wanted. But I am ashamed to say this but like me she is in her 50s and quite frankly I do not find her sexually attractive. I can see the hypocracy in what I have just said after all I too am in my 50s and I am no Brad Pitt or Daniel Craig ( both in their 50s). I apologise to any women of my age reading this but I cannot help what I feel. I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But when she says "do you think I am sexy" I lie and say yes. Am I just being honest here and getting old is just **** and just keep up the lie or is it me - I am well whatever. What hypocrisy? Your preferences are not based on her age, rather her appearance. We all have physical preferences. I wouldn't use the word hypocritical unless you're out of shape yourself...then.... I am in my late 40s and date women from late 30s to early 50s. I have seen and dated some very hot 50-somethings. I do not compromise on this as I am very fit/toned and active and expect the same of my potential partners. Why should you (provided you give back what you expect)? Unless you are settling, I do not see you being happy for long as you will be continually reminded of just how unattractive she is. Why did you get together with her in the first place? You think she is great, but the first thing you notice is her physical attributes. You simply ignored them?
JustGettingBy Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 Might want to let her down gently and give her the 'let's just be friends' line. Don't waste someone who's company you enjoy.
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 I'm curious to know what attracted you to her in the first place besides her personality? How do you have sex with her if she doesn't do it for you physically? 1
xxoo Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 Am I just being honest here and getting old is just **** and just keep up the lie or is it me - I am well whatever. I think it's you. Another man would likely be attracted to your woman. 2
Nightwriter Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 Is this actually an age thing or the woman you're dating specifically? How long have you been dating her? Do you find other women in her and your age group attractive in a general sense? I'm also curious how you came about to date her in the first place if you don't find her attractive. Did you meet her online? BTW, Daniel Craig isn't fifty yet. Ouch for him if people think he is.
grays Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 Well I'm 46 yrs old and I've been struggling to find men within a decade of my age who're fun to hang out with. My three most frequent partners are 24, 33, and 35 and I can promise you they have no issue w my age and they have all been with women older than me, happily. I am wondering if the problem is really her age. Would you have found her more attractive 15 years ago? I do enjoy the youthful spirit of my guys, but I have no doubt that I would think they're hot AF if I'm lucky enough to still know them in their 50s. 1
Sara1989 Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 I think it's you. Another man would likely be attracted to your woman. This. Let her find another man who genuinely finds her attractive and stop wasting her time. 2
l8estnews Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 I don't get it. I mean, why the hate to this guy? I commend him for his honesty. I believe it is possible to love someone genuinely without being physically attracted to the person. He is asking if this is normal. For me, I think it is. They are already in their 50s and as long as he will devote his time and loyalty with the woman, I don't see any harm. Unless, he cheats. 3
mrs rubble Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 I don't get it. I mean, why the hate to this guy? I commend him for his honesty. I believe it is possible to love someone genuinely without being physically attracted to the person. He is asking if this is normal. For me, I think it is. They are already in their 50s and as long as he will devote his time and loyalty with the woman, I don't see any harm. Unless, he cheats. I agree. I'm in the same sort of situation as the OP. Except I don't lie to my man, I've never told him he's a looker, I concentrate on telling him and showing him how much I appreciate his talents in the bedroom, and his wonderful way of making me happier than I've ever been before (in and out of the bedroom.) I will never cheat on him. I'm kind of repelled by good looking guys these days as most that I've ever had dealings with in the past have been self absorbed and duds in the bedroom.
elaine567 Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 You have no doubt grabbed the first available woman since your divorce and now you are seeing her in a different light. YOU slotted her easily into the wife spot but I guess you are now sussing out "hotter" women. This will not work out well, you may be 50, but you still need to be with a woman you desire. If she senses you are not into her in that way, and definitely she will at some point, she will be hurt, offended and devastated. Do not waste any more of her time, let her go find a man who will find her attractive. This otherwise, is a disaster waiting to happen, you will either get frustrated as you do not want to have sex with her and that will lead to resentment and anger on both sides, or you will go the whole hog and find a hot women to cheat on her with. Do not put her through that. She sees herself as a sexy woman, so whilst you may have got away with a companion type relationship with some women, she doesn't want that, she wants to feel attractive and desired. You may be able to keep up the pretence for a while, but long term? I doubt it, so you will end up making her and you miserable. Dating is about finding compatible people, sexual incompatibility and that is what this boils down to, is usually a deal breaker. 3
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 I believe it is possible to love someone genuinely without being physically attracted to the person. He is asking if this is normal. For me, I think it is. They are already in their 50s and as long as he will devote his time and loyalty with the woman, I don't see any harm. Unless, he cheats. That's called friendship. What they have is friendship. If that's satisfying to him then sure why not? The fact he is questioning it shows he isn't satisfied. And why would he be? He is only 50 and has a chance to plan out his future with a whole new partner all over again and he is going to chose to partner up with someone he views platonically? All depends what his sex life looks these days. If his body sexually is already on a decline then I say why not? If they are both satisfied with a friendship type companionship instead of a lover (especially her since it looks like this is in the cards for her future) then it could definitely work. If he still has a few decades in him of sexual romance then why in the world would you settle for being with a friend? 1
elaine567 Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 ... she says "do you think I am sexy?" . A woman who is asking that, does not want to mosey along in a "companion type" relationship. 2
IfonlyIknew Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 I worry that if you let this go on much longer, when you two are "comfortable", this info could be released in a moment of weakness. You are well enough aware of this fact that you've processed it and brought it here. A great point has been made that only you can honestly answer, are you sexually attracted to other women her age? Either way, you are being unfair to her by lying, let her go.
LookAtThisPOst Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 Well I'm 46 yrs old and I've been struggling to find men within a decade of my age who're fun to hang out with. My three most frequent partners are 24, 33, and 35 and I can promise you they have no issue w my age and they have all been with women older than me, happily. I am wondering if the problem is really her age. Would you have found her more attractive 15 years ago? I do enjoy the youthful spirit of my guys, but I have no doubt that I would think they're hot AF if I'm lucky enough to still know them in their 50s. You have three partners, currently? Not sure your situations compares to that of the OP because he's in or striving for a long term relationship.
BluesPower Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 Gotta say OP, I am not sure what you are into, I am in my 50 and I just cannot get enough of woman my age. Or, right now I should say that I could not. I find woman that are what I consider grown woman to be far more sexy. As a matter of fact at 52 my cut off point was 40. Really 45 for the most part and I shied away from really young woman, because for the most part I found most of them, not all, to be somewhat immature. Maybe there is something wrong with me. But hey if you can't/don't find her sexy let her go. I think all women in a relationship need a man that desires them and can't get enough of them in every way especially sexually. But that is just me... 2
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 But hey if you can't/don't find her sexy let her go. I think all women in a relationship need a man that desires them and can't get enough of them in every way especially sexually. But that is just me... Yessss!!! Yes we do. And I would think it's the same for guys. Nothing compares to that feeling of someone desiring us. 3
hippychick3 Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 I am much older than my BF but look much younger. If I ever felt that he wasn't attracted to me, I would be very unhappy in the relationship. I need to feel desired in my relationship in order to be fulfilled. 2
Miss Peach Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 I agree with the other posters to let her go. If you both want a sexual relationship then don't keep her around if you're not attracted to her. You have three partners, currently? Not sure your situations compares to that of the OP because he's in or striving for a long term relationship. You can have a long-term relationship with multiple partners. It's called polyamory. In any case, the way I understood this is that 50s people can be sexy so if the OP doesn't find this woman sexy then he should be looking for another woman and that there are plenty of men who will find her sexy. 2
xxoo Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 I agree. I'm in the same sort of situation as the OP. Except I don't lie to my man, I've never told him he's a looker, I concentrate on telling him and showing him how much I appreciate his talents in the bedroom, and his wonderful way of making me happier than I've ever been before (in and out of the bedroom.) But if things are happy in the bedroom, does that mean you are sexually attracted to him? To me, sexually attractive does not mean "hot looking". OP, what about the sex? Is it good? 2
Toodaloo Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 Completely off topic I know but there is a 54 yr old guy who used to come to my dance lessons and I could so ruin him for all other women... His eyes are gorgeous and the backside on that man is just screaming to have strawberries and cream eaten off of it Sorry... got distracted there... Loads of great single people of all ages out there. But if you do not think your partner is pretty or handsome in some way then what is the point? You are in your 50's not your 90's... 1
Ruby Slippers Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 She is everything I have ever wanted. But I am ashamed to say this but like me she is in her 50s and quite frankly I do not find her sexually attractive. I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But when she says "do you think I am sexy" I lie and say yes. If you're not sexually attracted to her, then it doesn't sound as though she's everything you've ever wanted. Stop lying to her. I'm sure she can tell you don't find her sexy and that's why she asks. It's very, very easy to tell when a guy finds you sexy. By her 50s, she knows if a man she's with finds her sexy or not. Some people in their later years choose to couple with a companion that's more like a friend than a lover. If that's what you want, you can do it. But if you want sexual passion, it sounds like you're going to have to look elsewhere.
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