He wants to go slow

[katrena]

I've started seeing this guy I've met online and he said several weeks ago that he thinks we get along well but isn't ready to call it a relationship yet and just wants to take things slow. (We both work away until I finish in December so wont be able to fall into a consistant pattern of seeing eachother until then so I understand the logic of not wanting to jump into a relationship yet). We talk everyday on facebook and are catching up again this month.

 

I really like this guy and want to be in an exclusive relationship with him, but how do i take things slow so that i dont get hurt and dont make him feel like he's rushed? I know I need to relax and go with the flow but its so hard.

 

 

Advice: he's already home for time off and i land on Sunday. On tuesday he's going overeast to visit family and i have offered to take him to the airport. He knows I'll be home on Sunday but hasn't yet asked to catch up.. should i ask to see him or wait for him to ask me out considering he knows il be home?

 

 

i have quite crappy anxiety thanks to a previous relationship and just dont want to chase him off by making him feel rushed

[Buddhist]

IME when someone uses this phrase what they really mean is....don't have expectations here because I am actively looking for someone better. I've never met a person who was really into me and wanted to take things 'slow'. They usually can't wait to see you again and get you into a relationship. Lets take things slow is BS for.....Not really sold on you actually and hoping I meet someone better soon. Don't want to ruin my chances with someone else by getting into a relationship with you.

 

Sorry, but that's how I see it.

[ThisisIt606]

I wouldn't invest too much into this. He knows you'll be in the area and you offered to drive him to the airport. Did he accept the ride and not offer to hang out out side of that? (was a bit confused with that part of your story)

 

But a guy who wants to "take things slow" (I've been fed that line), he was fine dating me and doing all gf/bf activities but didn't want to title it/call it what it was. That really hurt and frustrated me. Taking it slow is (in my experience) code for " i know you're not 'the one' and i don't want to commit to you/get stuck in a years long relationship." He likes you but not enough to want to commit i think.

[Erik30]

I think it means he's also dating other girls so he doesn't want to be exclusive yet.

[Els]

Well, he can take his time, but unless you're up for casual sex (which, based on your post, you don't appear to be), I'd recommend you follow his pace and 'go slow' with sexual progression as well.

 

Also, given that he isn't even interested in meeting you when he's in your area, I think you should date other guys for the time being.

[catchthedrift]

It depends. He may be not that interested in a committed relationship right now, and continue to see what's out there.

But in rare cases, people were hurt before or are trying to not get too attached for other reasons, such as, abandonment issues. I think it is hard to tell here.