isitmeorhim2016 Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 Ok first of all we have been together for almost 3 years. when we began dating he was living with another girl. (did not know for 2 weeks) so I am already cautious of what he says and does. He never seems to be going and seeing anyone cause I'm home most the time and he is at work (I know his hours he stays in them) but that doesn't mean he isn't talking to someone on Facebook or another social network. so here is my dilemma everything in my body tells me he is talking or looking at other women on line but I cant find proof as I have no access to his phone or anything else (keeps is closer than glue to his body) how can I truly find out without paying stupid sites to find out??
Author isitmeorhim2016 Posted November 2, 2016 Author Posted November 2, 2016 so I'm a 26yr old female and I've been dating this guy for a while. he has some good qualities and many bad ones but I've learned to take the good with the bad. we don't seem to have anything in common and he only seems to care about himself.. we plan date days and he throws a fit cause I'm not ready by the time he gets out of the bathroom ( 10 mints) so he climbs back into bed and sleeps all day.. so no date day we never get to watch any shows I want were buying a new vehicle and I apparently get no say so I want a car he wants a jeep.. guess who won were getting a jeep.. he didn't want to do anything for Halloween and instead of letting me hand out candy he locks the gate so they cant get to the door or I had to sit outside all night and hand it out alone.. he controls how much I smoke weed and cigarettes.. tells me I would never know if he's cheating cause he would just act normal.. he says he can shut his feelings off and not care.. idk what I'm looking for I just need some advise is this normal....do I deserve better... is there better??? HELP CONFUSSED:(
RecentChange Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 Not normal. At all. Why do you accept this? People will treat you how you ALLOW them to treat you. Do you have a history of being abused? 1
Author isitmeorhim2016 Posted November 2, 2016 Author Posted November 2, 2016 every relationship this far
RecentChange Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 Time to take a step back then and FIX YOU. Have you ever seen a therapist? Untill you get some help, figure out why you allow abusive people into your life, this cycle will continue, and most likely escalate. You won't have a healthy relationship untill you are healthy.
hippychick3 Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 There is most definitely better out there. MUCH BETTER. The key to finding better is knowing that you deserve better. And, you most definitely do. Dump the jerk and work on building your self-esteem so you will never settle again for someone who treats you so poorly. 1
Author isitmeorhim2016 Posted November 2, 2016 Author Posted November 2, 2016 its just hard starting over again
Author isitmeorhim2016 Posted November 2, 2016 Author Posted November 2, 2016 He is on his Facebook a lot and has a lot of women on it never have access to know what he is doing but something is telling me he isn't behaving on Facebook
hippychick3 Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 He is on his Facebook a lot and has a lot of women on it never have access to know what he is doing but something is telling me he isn't behaving on Facebook At this point, it doesn't even matter what he's doing or who he's talking to on FB. He has been treating you so badly and for that reason alone, you need to gather your strength and support from friends/family so you can end this abusive relationship. 1
Author isitmeorhim2016 Posted November 2, 2016 Author Posted November 2, 2016 its like every other day he tries to be super nice its so confusing
Zahara Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 its like every other day he tries to be super nice its so confusing So, you knew he was cheating on his girlfriend and yet you chose to be with him. You taught him that you'll accept and condone being treated poorly and that you will tolerate cheating. Hence, he is likely doing it to you too. People like him will be "super nice" to their victims because it's their way of keeping their victims where they need them to be. Conditioning you to accept "every other day being super nice to me" -- giving you little crumbs and you seemingly so desperate and already broken will lap that stuff up and stick around. And he knows that's all he needs to do to keep you in check. He doesn't do it because he cares. He does it so that you stay and provide him with whatever benefits he needs while he goes out there and does what he likes. Don't mistake that for care or love. You said you've been in bad relationships constantly -- nothing changes until you change YOU. This isn't about him anymore. 2
kendahke Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 when we began dating he was living with another girl. (did not know for 2 weeks) When you found out, did you continue seeing him or did you break up with him until he'd ended his relationship? that doesn't mean he isn't talking to someone on Facebook or another social network. What he did with you, he'll do to you. That's how cheaters roll. I'm sure you're pretty much feeling how his ex he was living with was feeling when you happened upon her boyfriend's scene. so here is my dilemma everything in my body tells me he is talking or looking at other women on line but I cant find proof as I have no access to his phone or anything else (keeps is closer than glue to his body) how can I truly find out without paying stupid sites to find out?? If your gut is already telling you he is doing this, then you have all the proof you need to end this relationship and move on. You don't need to stoop to deceit, like he does, in order to "catch" him. What will finding out by snooping change? Your gut is already telling you all the truth you need to kick him to the curb--why do you not trust yourself? Is that not enough? If after discovering, you're going to throw him out, just save yourself the unnecessary drama and end it today. You're pretty much at the same point. In fact, instead of trying to figure out how to stoop to deceit, your time would be better invested by cutting this guy out of your life. Just because you've been together 3 years doesn't mean that your investment is a worthwhile one. In fact, you knew going in this was a bad investment and now you're bleeding emotional and psychological capital. "Winning" the guy who was cheating on his girlfriend when you met him isn't an accomplishment.
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