Unsure what to make of this

[mick88]

This all started around the start of August, I work in a contact center (I know depressing stuff). I had fancied her for a number of months, but until she was actually put into the same team as me, I never really got talking to her. After a few weeks of just talking generally, I got her number, I asked her out the following day by text and she said yes, and also said she didn't know I looked at her like that.

 

 

We went out for a date on the following Saturday after sitting with each other all week in work. On the date she spoke about her ex, she said “I love him but I'm not in love with him, I'm not attracted to him at all” This made me feel uncomfortable of course, I continued on with the date however. At a later point in the evening she stated that in march, she had been raped by another guy in work who she believed had spiked her. Despite the discomfort of this we continued for a few hours and then went back to her place. This escalated into sex then, and again the following morning.

 

 

When in work the following monday we arranged to have another night together in hers, again, we slept together. Through this she continued to speak about her ex and that she left him as she didn't have romantic feelings or attraction for him anymore. I also found out that she was on medication for anxiety and depression. I am aware that these are huge red flags and my intuition as the weeks went by told me to get the hell outta there.

 

 

I am 27 and she was 23. Anyway, this arrangement of me staying in hers for the night, then going to work together continued for 4 weeks. The end was in sight without me knowing went she sent a text to me after I had told her I wasn't happy about her still talking with her ex, she stated “I can confirm to you you're the only person I'm seeing. I'm also said before I'm not in a position to get serious with anyone, due to my physical/mental health, therefore, I feel this needs to continue as a casual thing. I 'm trying to let you know how I feel, which is completely messed up, because frankly, I'm damaged goods, and there's nothing I can do about it”

 

 

Fast forward a few days and I stay in hers before we go to work the next day, the following morning she was in a terrible mood from waking, I felt like I was walking on eggshells all day with her. Just before we went into work she stated “I don't think we should do sleep overs anymore, I like having my bed to myself, and I don't plan on sharing it again” This pissed me off as her tune had changed so quickly. We went out of town after work with some work friends, and later that day after pretty much ignoring me, she stated she didn't want things to continue as normal even on a casual level.

 

 

 

This crushed me tbh and I hit the bottle hard, later that night when we returned to hers, I told her that she was out of order for being aloof and moody with me all day, and after a bit of back and forth I went home.

 

 

Now since we work in the same place I heard her talking to her friend saying she was going out with someone that night, I believe this to be her ex.

 

What do you guys think of this? I feel that perhaps I was more into her than she was into me despite her initiating things. I have since left this job and I longer have any contact with her, which is for the best. However, I am reflecting on this episode in order to learn as much as I can from it in order to avoid such situations in future.

Edited November 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[IfonlyIknew]

Something is for sure missing. Her stating "i can assure you there is no one else, BUT because this and that I'm not looking to become serious" sounds more like "as of right now, you are the only one I'm seeing but there is a possibility of this changing" It's odd for her to go from sleepovers to completely shunning them I would be suspicious.

[mick88]

Yeah there was definitely something amiss, I thought the likelihood is she went back to her ex, given that she always spoke of him. In hindsight it's actually really ****ty and inconsiderate to do that with someone you're seeing.

 

I've since been informed by a mutual friend that this girl attacked a co-worker on a work night out, apparently words were exchanged between them and she punched and scratched the face off him. She had since been sacked. You think you know someone eh? :laugh:

[Herbalist]

I would say the real lesson to be learned from the experience is don't date coworkers. For every special exception there are at least like 30 terribad stories.

[mick88]

Yeah absolutely, it rarely goes well dating a co-worker. Thats the primary lesson I'm taking from this, along with some other red flags about her character, that I ignored. In hindsight it's been a valuable experience that I won't soon forget.

[victoria88]

Concerning the dates with the co-workers:

I think you are right when you say people must avoid dating a co-worker... If the relationship does not work then they will have difficulties to work together.

 

However, life is full of risks. You can have a relationship with a non-coworker and it can still go bad (and she/he can share with many people and some of your colleagues may hear and then the info will circulate at the workplace).

Just because there is a risk it does not mean that you must not do it. Just be careful (try to stay friends whatever happens).

 

I am in general afraid to take any risks, but I must admit you live your life at 50% if you are afraid of risks...

 

What I (as the eternal romantic) want to say is follow your heart. If you like (love) someone do not impose limitations just because you work together.

 

I might be wrong, but I believe if 2 people are discrete and cool enough (they will not share with their colleagues what they do in their private life).

So, when the co-workers break up (or start a relationship) no one should know (and no one should understand it).

 

It is a question of what kind of personality you are (nowadays it is so rare to meet someone wonderful, so when you do, I suggest that you do NOT impose such limitations as he/she works with me, therefore I will not have a relationship with her/him).

[joseb]

Anyone opening up that much on a first date is a massive red flag.

Sounds like she wanted a fling and is over it now.

[kendahke]

Learn this: never mix work and romance. Don't isht where you eat because of exactly what is falling out in experience at your feet right now with this chick.

 

Anytime anyone begins talking about their ex, it means they're not over them. Leave them be.

[mick88]

Anyone opening up that much on a first date is a massive red flag.

Sounds like she wanted a fling and is over it now.

 

Yeah, I've come to realise this, it was a bit of summer fun. I think I got too invested in the whole thing and I came back to earth with a thud when it burnt out. I had a really uneasy feeling when she was disclosing all this, however, I was too happy to be getting approval from a woman and I therefore ignored the biggest of red flags.

 

I put myself between a rock and a hard place too, if I ditched after the 1st date, I still saw her in work every day, and there would have been awkwardness either way. Just more confirmation for me that dipping the pen in the company ink is rarely a wise idea.