Begging me to talk to her... Bread crumbs?

[No_Go]

So how long has it been since the break up 3 weeks begging + 3 weeks NC, right? I think around 6 weeks post-break up is a good time to attempt to talk. If it fails, it is over but at least you know you tried.

[Popbradley]

I had the urge to post in here again as I had another rough night. I have been reading up on the stuff posted on here and I have learned a lot. Well Not much has happened since a couple of days ago but tonight, of course, I get a little surprise.

 

I had accompanied my brother in law to a couple of storage auctions and met some nice people. The day ended up being pretty good but at the end of the night, I get a text from my ex-girlfriends mother.

 

One thing I had yet to mention in here was I was EXTREMELY close to her family. I say extremely because I knew a lot of their deepest darkest secrets. I ended up getting very close to her mother. Funny thing about that was at first my ex-wanted nothing more than for me and her mom to be close... but as soon as we got really close and she became like a second mother to me my ex because... jealous in a way. She hated the time I spent with her mother and was always accusing me of talking bad about her to her mother. I cannot understand why to this day she thought that is what I did but oh well.

 

Well, after all this stuff had happened her mom was devastated and cried with me for a few days before I ended up leaving. She would sit with me in the bathroom and rub my back as I threw up from all the shock I was in. I ended up losing about 15 pounds and it was awful. She tried to keep in contact with me but it kinda slipped through. I had this bad feeling about her as things progressed. One was because she seemed to just totally ignore the stuff I was telling her and asked her to maybe look into with my ex. Second was because I just kept remember this time I had been very close to her and I guess you can say I snooped... Well, I found some text messages from the mother calling me a "drama queen" and saying some other hateful stuff about me.

 

I do not understand to this day why she said it and it always just kind of stuck with me. I was anti-drama compared to her mom and her but I cannot prove it but I know I was. Anyways, When she text me today it had been a good bit of time had passed. I want to say she hasn't text me in 2 months. I don't know why but I kind of cut contact with her because I just knew she was telling my ex-everything I was saying. She swore she wasn;t but I just don't trust her. My mom would tell everything to me so I just don't know.

 

Well, the text was just asking how I was and kind of making light of things. Saying she hadn't heard from me since her son's birthday (who constantly called me his brother) and said she just wanted to check in on me. I thought it was nice at first but as time went on I felt... like it had other motives. I was the one to last text and it was something short and sweet but it was because I still had a reminder on my phone about her son's birthday. Well, the day I text that to her to tell him they were in Florida's already with that new guy... They had replaced me without a second thought and I know they still have no clue I know about the trip.

 

since that day I do not trust any of them. I may be bitter but they replaced me so fast after I heard "I don't want to do trips with the family anymore... We can't do them without you. You are our son." I heard that constantly and yet... they did all the stuff we used to within a month and it just hurt me. Well, I just have this bad feeling about the text and her maybe asking me how I was for my ex. Reason I fell this way is I still never responded back and ignored everything. I still have no intentions of messaging my ex but the way she ended the text she still things I might care or something. I have always been there for her and I don't think she has fully come to terms she will probably never hear from me again. I know it is probably bothering her I still didn't respond back to that half-assed message she sent me apologizing for her behavior and I just feel this was a way to see if I still have my phone and if I am just ignoring her.

 

Do you think I am wrong in thinking this? Is it wrong to maybe ignore her mom too even though we used to be close? I feel I am doing the right thing here too as no contact means family and her friends too. I just want to become a ghost and her have no clue about my life anymore. I don't want her having the satisfaction knowing I am still around. She removed me from her life so I am a ghost now... lol

[Popbradley]

side note to one thing I just mentioned that got me curious... could her intense jealousy she had towards her mother and my relationship be part of the disorder too? Just curious as at first she wanted me to be close to her mom and we get along. Then when it happened she was ALWAYS upset when I was alone talking to her mother. She was always accusing me of talking bad about her and most of the time it was the exact opposite... I was telling her mom how much I loved her and how wonderful she was. lol

[Popbradley]

Man, this just gave me goosebumps. As I read it, I saw a flash of images race in my mind. It still is mind-boggling to me no matter how many times I read your posts Downtown, how spot on you are every single time. I still find it hard to believe that I wasn't the cause for all my Ex's problems in life as she had me convinced that I was.

 

Popbradley, I'm really sorry this has happened to you. If your ex is a BPDer then at least you know it wasn't you, it was her. It's something those of us who've been where you are at had to come to terms with. It's not easy, especially when you love the person and want to help them. To find out that there's nothing YOU can do and all the love and support you did give to them was only driving them away, well, it's not an easy pill to swallow.

 

I can see you are desperate to understand what happened, to get closure. The thing is, when you are dealing with someone who has BPD traits, closure is a luxury we rarely are privy to. The bpdfamily website is an excellent source of information and the community is wonderful. You might find the answers and help you seek there.

 

Trust me. I have tried to convince myself I wasn't at fault with everything here but the things I did do wrong eat way at me still. I never should have talked about her weight and I never should have pressured her with the issue. Not may people understand but I even ended up talking to my brother in law about it and he understood exactly what I meant. I loved her but the weight affected SOOO many aspects of our relationship. The love, sex, dates, etc. Everything. When going out and she just refused to wear what she first put on and I told her she looked beautiful or stunning she never believed me and would change into a Tshirt. It made me feel she cared what others thought more than I did. When she told me she liked an article of my clothing I made a mental note and would wear it when we went somewhere nice. I did it because she liked it so much.

 

It is mostly that I know I handled wrong but I still do not feel it was a good enough reason to be so unhappy with me and leave me. I do take solace in that and knowing, even though what I did was wrong in a way, I probably wasn't going to win either way.

[Popbradley]

So how long has it been since the break up 3 weeks begging + 3 weeks NC, right? I think around 6 weeks post-break-up is a good time to attempt to talk. If it fails, it is over but at least you know you tried.

 

no, it has been since July 12th. I remember because it was the day before my birthday.

 

I begged for about a week when back. I quickly saw she just wanted me as a friend and her whole mind was totally different. It had changed from ADORING me to treating me like I was draining and some other kind of stranger. One day we video chatted on skype and she even blew a kiss at me like we did when we first met... to me, that screamed she wasn't out of love with me but when I pressed for more she shut me out real fast. I ended up having a talk with her and telling her I would not be her friend and I was deeply in love with her and I hoped maybe one day we would end up together again after she worked through whatever it was she needed to work through.

 

That day we talked I had in my heart it might be the last day we ever talk again. I told her how much I loved her and didn't want this but she made this choice so I am making the choice to not be her friend. After I said my peace and wanted her to tell me from the heart something meaningful and sweet for once do you know what I got? she said "You know I can't express my feelings very well and I bottle them. Thank you for all the good times too."

 

I was crying and told her goodbye and listened to her cry and say back to me "goodbye !"... After 7 years the best goodbye I could get was like a 4-year-old was saying it to me... like 7 years didn't mean jack.

 

After that point, I went into no contact for about 6 weeks. She then reached out with a random stupid question and we started talking again and she made promises to go to counselling. It was me suggesting it but her agreeing to it. I later started to realize, even with the stuff she sent me, it was always when she was tired and falling asleep that she made these promises and started to miss me. I am not sure why but it alway was. Every last promise.

 

We talked for a while after that but it ended up just being bad again and I kept pushing her to love me back but it didn't work. She told me she was trying to love me constantly but she felt like he was kicking a puppy and needed me to move on and heal. After a time of that, I gave up and told her I loved her and wished her the best. I told her I would be happy if she was happy with me or anyone else and I was sorry for all the bad I did. She agreed with me and apologized too in a way but still have ass messaged me later when they were on the trip with her "cousin". That is a big reason I have decided to move on so fast. Because I was replaced very quickly. Even if the guy is nothing they for sure replaced me with him and it hurts to no end.

 

So... to end my ramblings lol.... it was 1 week talking, 6 weeks no contact, about 3-4 weeks talking here and there? then back to no contact randomly until I finally stuck to it and it's been almost another month now. I was burned twice and don't plan to be burned again.

Edited November 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Toodaloo]

PopBradley...

 

Sounds to me as if the mother is just as bad.

 

Ignore all contact direct or indirect.

 

While you are still all over the place your posts are starting to get a bit more coherent so I am taking that as a good sign.

 

Stay away from people who are bad for you. This includes your ex and your exes family.

 

Just stay away from it all.

Edited November 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Popbradley]

Wanted to ask one quick question as it has been bugging me a little tonight...

 

What does it mean when she said "I can't let you go". She not only said this the other day in texts but she had done this to me 2 other times. One time was when I wanted closure and she very harshly told me "I don't think we will EVER be together again. Is that what you wanted to hear? Will that make you move on? I guarantee it won't lol." After that I told her thanks and that's all I needed and we didn't talk for 3 days. She then said the exact same words to me and explained "I don't know what to do. I miss you so bad it hurts. I can't let you go. I feel like I need to let you go but I don't know why."

 

Any feedback would be nice. Guess I am just thinking to much tonight since I can't sleep but that has been bugging me and wondering what any of that even means. Probably no one can tell me but I'd still felt compelled to ask anyways.

 

Thanks in advance.

[fromheart]

Your part of your partners family while you are her partner. After a break up, they cease to see you as part of the family.

 

Remaining in contact with them is just going to prolong the pain, I'd really advise you to NC them also.

[fromheart]

Wanted to ask one quick question as it has been bugging me a little tonight...

 

What does it mean when she said "I can't let you go". She not only said this the other day in texts but she had done this to me 2 other times. One time was when I wanted closure and she very harshly told me "I don't think we will EVER be together again. Is that what you wanted to hear? Will that make you move on? I guarantee it won't lol." After that I told her thanks and that's all I needed and we didn't talk for 3 days. She then said the exact same words to me and explained "I don't know what to do. I miss you so bad it hurts. I can't let you go. I feel like I need to let you go but I don't know why."

 

Any feedback would be nice. Guess I am just thinking to much tonight since I can't sleep but that has been bugging me and wondering what any of that even means. Probably no one can tell me but I'd still felt compelled to ask anyways.

 

Thanks in advance.

 

 

Look at her actions, not her words. Her actions are that she's ended it with you, your best course of action is to walk away from her push/pull melodrama and look after yourself.

 

Push/pull or I want you but I don't want you, is not the right conditions for a relationship. Its the perfect condition to walk away from.

 

She's said nothing worth thinking about to be honest, again I really advise NC. She's pretty much dumping you over and over again with this sort of communication. Once is enough.

[ChickiePops]

Wanted to ask one quick question as it has been bugging me a little tonight...

 

What does it mean when she said "I can't let you go". She not only said this the other day in texts but she had done this to me 2 other times. One time was when I wanted closure and she very harshly told me "I don't think we will EVER be together again. Is that what you wanted to hear? Will that make you move on? I guarantee it won't lol." After that I told her thanks and that's all I needed and we didn't talk for 3 days. She then said the exact same words to me and explained "I don't know what to do. I miss you so bad it hurts. I can't let you go. I feel like I need to let you go but I don't know why."

 

Any feedback would be nice. Guess I am just thinking to much tonight since I can't sleep but that has been bugging me and wondering what any of that even means. Probably no one can tell me but I'd still felt compelled to ask anyways.

 

Thanks in advance.

 

She is craving attention.

[Marc878]

Blood is thicker than water.

 

Stay as far away and go completely dark. No kind needs this type drama in their lives.

[Popbradley]

Been a couple more days and I don't plan to really update unless some stuff happens but guess a couple more things have happened.

 

I like how, as you can read in my first posts, she says she is going to leave me alone but I have blocked her in email and on the phone. I do not know if she has sent me anything else but as of yesterday, I got 2 phone calls from weird numbers. Both were numbers I never recognized but they were both from Georgia and made me feel... curious.

 

I never did call the numbers back but woke up today to a message only stating "are you alive?". I don't really understand it but she always messages me REALLY late in her time from one of those numbers. This message came at 3 am her time. It always surprises me to get the messages as I assume she isn't going to contact me again or be able to but.. here she is. I don't understand the persistence. She used to worry about me all the time when together and always afraid I was dead randomly when back here in California. In fact, it used to drive me insane that if I didn't message for a day she would start to lose her mind with the questioning if I was alive.

 

I cannot grasp though WHY she is still so... persistent. I am sure it will die down but she got rid of me... She no longer wants me in her life... she wants me to move on... she said she was done messaging me. So what the heck is this? It is sort of getting on my nerves, to be honest as it seems extremely selfish and it severely hinders my healing with her doing this stuff to me. I tried to work it out but she didn't want it and I explained I will not be friends but here she is... Still. Idk. Just frustrated.