Begging me to talk to her... Bread crumbs?

[Popbradley]

I've written a lot on other forums and have learned on here for a while but I just needed some advice as this seems the most brutally honest forum I've been on and idk what to really do.

 

Long story short. Ex fiancé left me 3 months ago for the sole reason of "falling out of love" 2 months before the wedding. Tried being her friend but it didn't work out and I cut contact. After some time we got reconnected after a month and she made promises after U.S. Talking about trying counseling but still seemed so with drawn. I pulled like an idiot and she pushed away even more and turned very cold again. After trying to make her happy and let her know I loved her and was sorry for all the bad in the relationship I finally told her I loved her and just wanted her to be happy, with our without me and wished her well. I cut contact after that.

 

I'm the time apart she's tried to replace me with a few people and so far it has not worked out. It's mostly friends and cousins she's trying to replace me with but they so far haven't compared because she's a very unique girl and VERY immature and I believe she was unhappy with her life and associates a lot of it with me and ended it.

 

Idk what it was but I finally started to click again were I felt great after another 3 weeks no contact and in those 3 weeks she has been having a blast with life it seems. She has been on trips with her family and learned they pretty much replaced me with another guy who is a family member but he came around the same time my fiancé told me she.didnt love me. In fact it was 2 days before that. Idk what part he played but my gut says he played a part and I'm not sure as I know they have been spending s lot of time together lately. Not me wanting to know but people have give me updates even though I've told them to please not to as it only hurts me.

 

Well as people say... It's like the ex can sense you are in a good place and moving on so they get desperate. Idk how they can but they can. I was out with a guy friend last night and with this girl. I didn't have much interest but as the night progressed I found her hilarious and sweet and really kind of enjoyed her company. I was goofing off with her and laughing it up when my phone vibrates like crazy... I check it thinking it was maybe another friend or something but to my horror it was her.

 

I had deleted her number but I knew it was her. I ended up having to turn my phone off as it vibrated so much and it was KILLING me. This is what it all said.

 

 

 

"I'm so sorry. I know you don't want to talk to me but I'm just missing you a lot right now. Your my best friend and you know me better than anyone."

 

2 minutes later.

 

"I just need you to say hi or something"

"Anything"

"Anything..."

"Okay"

"I'm sorry"

 

15 minutes later

"Your everywhere"

"I've emailed you so much too"

"Idk"

"I'm going crazy"

"I just miss you"

"I hate myself"

"I'm so stupid"

"Please just say something"

 

I check my email later and I have tons of emails from her... This is what they say.

 

"You are pulling a Rachel..."

"Mom shows me the Halloween picture of you in the mushroom hat"

"Brad"

"Actually you know what... Just ignore these. I've had some strawberritas and I'm probably bothering you but I miss you and I haven't heard from you and idk."

"Ugh. I hate myself. I'm just trying to get attention for the strawberritas And your probably going to read these and think I'm and idiot and I'm sorry. Ignore it. Ignore it I'm so sorry."

 

"And I don't understand why your not talking to me and it sucks so much"

 

"No.. I do understand. Omg, please please please ignore this. I'm so so so sorry. God Brad I'm so sorry."

 

"Like... You know how much I love little babies and stuff... You know what I love. You know what makes me happy"

 

"YOU KNOW ME"

 

"I'm sorry"

 

"Like I miss the texts I'd get in the middle of the night from you that I thought I hated.."

 

"I miss the random mad messages from the living room"

 

"This sucks"

 

"I'm sorry. I'm done. I'm just super drunk or whatever."

 

"I won't let mom give your stupid f*cking clothes to good wil."

 

"This is YOUR bed. Like what the hell am I doing in it? I just want to die"

 

"I hate myself"

 

"I'm laying in this stupid Fing bed that you bought with your Fing TV playing family guy in the background and it's killing me."

 

"Your going to have to ignore these cause I'm on a crazy rant"

 

"I can't let you go"

 

"You are very where brad"

 

"I am sorry.... Idk what I'm doing. I just need to hear from you. This sucks."

 

And that was it. That was about 30 minutes ago. I got home and read them and now I feel like ****. I already went through something like this before and all it did was make her guilt ease and crush me. I hate seeing her hurt but she chose this and I know I'll get an apology in the morning stating how drunk she was but I am not giving into the bread crumbs. Specially when drunk. It will only hurt me.

 

I will take nothing short of a want me back and wanting to try again with counseling.

 

What did all the messages have in common? Guilt... Her own guilt. It's just her wanting me to message her so she can get rid of the guilt. It breaks my heart but I'm just moving forward. Again, she chose this and not me.

 

What should I do? Is that the right thing? Ignoring these messages? I am pretty sure it is but idk.

 

Just feeling a little down but no urge to text and be hurt again.

 

I just assume it's me having no contact with her that is affecting her so much.

Edited November 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Popbradley]

Just to give. A little update. I wrote most of that last night and copied it from another forum but she admitted she wasn't drunk this morning and was just missing me and needing to hear from me but she's cool now and sorry for her rant and will leave me alone now.

 

Hurt reading that but I knew she was going to take it back in the morning and was acting just embarrassed. It all is very selfish but idk what to do. Should I reach back out in the chance of being hurt OR continue no contact? It's clear it's killing her and making her kind of regret stuff but honestly I would never trust her again after this, even if she wanted a second chance down the road and I just want to be happy.

[Popbradley]

This is exactly what the messages said this morning.

 

"Let's just pretend that little meltdown didn't happen:) because even though you ain't responding I know you've read my stuffage and I am a liiiiiiil embarrassed lol. So yeah, I apologize for the crazy. You know I'm crazy. Okay bye:)"

 

And

 

"Also I was not drunk lol... Incase you're worried or... Something. I don't even have strawberittas. Or the money for them lol. NyQuil yes. Strawberritas no lol. Me and mom were just talking about you and different stuff and it got me in a weird place and I needed any kind of attention I could get from you. I'm really okay. And I hope that you are okay to. I'm done now. And I'll leave you alone. You deserve better than this for sure."

[aloneinaz]

Seriously? What's there to talk about here? You were not compatible and she's already dumped you once because "she fell out of love". You've tried to reconcile once, twice w/out success.

 

Here's your options. If you like all the drama and bs, keep having limited contact with her. Continue to not block her phone number or change yours.

 

If you want to put this childish, drama soaked, failed relationship in the rear view mirror, then my friend, time to block any means she has to reach you. Then stay hardcore NC with her. Keep dating and find someone else who you are compatible with and hasn't already "fallen out of love" with you once.

 

Certainly understand that lots of experienced folks who've had a few relationships don't have any desire to speak to their ex again after it ends. Some vanish like a fart in the wind, never to be heard from again. Personally, I think they are the smart ones. They understand that once a relationship breaks, it needs to stay that way. Vanishing and having zero contact with the ex prevents all the bs you're dealing with.

[ChickiePops]

Well she's right about one thing..she is crazy..yikes.

 

If you couldn't trust her then you shouldn't try again.

[Popbradley]

Seriously? What's there to talk about here? You were not compatible and she's already dumped you once because "she fell out of love". You've tried to reconcile once, twice w/out success.

 

Here's your options. If you like all the drama and bs, keep having limited contact with her. Continue to not block her phone number or change yours.

 

If you want to put this childish, drama soaked, failed relationship in the rear view mirror, then my friend, time to block any means she has to reach you. Then stay hardcore NC with her. Keep dating and find someone else who you are compatible with and hasn't already "fallen out of love" with you once.

 

Certainly understand that lots of experienced folks who've had a few relationships don't have any desire to speak to their ex again after it ends. Some vanish like a fart in the wind, never to be heard from again. Personally, I think they are the smart ones. They understand that once a relationship breaks, it needs to stay that way. Vanishing and having zero contact with the ex-prevents all the bs you're dealing with.

 

 

Well, its hard to "put it in the mirror" as it lasted 7 years and much more details I left out BUT the drama part is 100% correct and why I have been happier letting go after a time. I hate drama and have avoided it at all costs but when I say I tried to work it out we talked about it and she made promises towards the future but went back and fourth. I think it is pretty clear from the texts she is VERY immature for a 26-year-old girl but I just wanted to make dead sure me cutting her out completely is the right thing to do.

 

I do not want to give her another chance but lets be realistic. It is almost impossible to just forget about someone you spent every day with for 7 years with and see them hurting and not want to comfort them. She has hurt me badly and seeing these messages after months makes me hurt a little on the inside so I just want to make sure I am for sure doing the right thing by totally cutting her out of my life. Sounds like I am.

 

Thanks for the honest advice

Edited November 2, 2016 by Popbradley

[Popbradley]

Well she's right about one thing..she is crazy..yikes.

 

If you couldn't trust her then you shouldn't try again.

 

LOL good point. She does seem crazy huh? Honestly, she is better in person but it's just she has always been very immature for her age. In fact, the 2 guys that dated her before me ended up leaving her after the first date stating. "she's a sweet girl but she is just WAY too immature for her age." lol I honestly think that's what came up and bite me in the ass with all of this. Even when we first started dating I had second thoughts because she was sooo immature but I figured I could help make her grow up a little. She did but over 7 years she never had progressed much and I STILL was about to marry. Strange how blinding love is lol.

[whatnot]

honestly I would never trust her again after this, even if she wanted a second chance down the road and I just want to be happy.

You know already.

[aloneinaz]

Well, its hard to "put it in the mirror" as it lasted 7 years and much more details I left out BUT the drama part is 100% correct and why I have been happier letting go after a time. I hate drama and have avoided it at all costs but when I say I tried to work it out we talked about it and she made promises towards the future but went back and fourth. I think it is pretty clear from the texts she is VERY immature for a 26-year-old girl but I just wanted to make dead sure me cutting her out completely is the right thing to do.

 

I do not want to give her another chance but lets be realistic. It is almost impossible to just forget about someone you spent every day with for 7 years with and see them hurting and not want to comfort them. She has hurt me badly and seeing these messages after months makes me hurt a little on the inside so I just want to make sure I am for sure doing the right thing by totally cutting her out of my life. Sounds like I am.

 

Thanks for the honest advice

 

Listen, I get it, I really do. 7 years is a LONG time and you can't hit a switch and turn off the emotions or feelings. However, you've gotten a taste of how much more drama free your life is w/out her in it. What you need to wrap your head around now is; YOU HAVE TO CUT THE CORD and accept it's REALLY over and your better off. Blocking her or changing your phone number and other means for her to contact you is for YOUR needs, not hers.

 

Until you able to do that, YOU'RE choosing to stay stuck to your past and will continue down that path of further drama, bs, stress and emotions you want to put behind you.

 

Understand this. A healthy, loving, mutually satisfying relationship looks nothing like what you wrote. Solid relationships should bring mountains of happiness, joy and satisfaction. Will there be a bump or two in any relationship? Heck yes, but they are minor and are not the drama filled immature type that you've been living.

 

Seriously my friend.. cut the cord and move on w/your life to someone who you are compatible with and brings all those positive traits that we want in a relationship.

Edited November 3, 2016 by aloneinaz

[Toodaloo]

That girl is about as stable as an elephant balancing on a pin...

 

Do not go there.

 

Just ignore and carry on walking away.

 

God she is desperate for attention and dramas isn't she!

 

These boots were made for walking so that is what you will do... OK a girls song but the gist is still the same...

 

Its going to take time for several things to happen... those things are

1. her to give up blowing up your phone, email etc and find yet another victim

2. you to recover and get yourself back together (which sounds like you are doing well at so good on you!)

3. Time to give enough space so you can forget... Because you will...

 

Like I say. Keep ignoring and blocking and forget her. Keep doing your thing.

[fromheart]

This is exactly what the messages said this morning.

 

"Let's just pretend that little meltdown didn't happen:) because even though you ain't responding I know you've read my stuffage and I am a liiiiiiil embarrassed lol. So yeah, I apologize for the crazy. You know I'm crazy. Okay bye:)"

 

And

 

"Also I was not drunk lol... Incase you're worried or... Something. I don't even have strawberittas. Or the money for them lol. NyQuil yes. Strawberritas no lol. Me and mom were just talking about you and different stuff and it got me in a weird place and I needed any kind of attention I could get from you. I'm really okay. And I hope that you are okay to. I'm done now. And I'll leave you alone. You deserve better than this for sure."

 

 

This is the honest part of her talking. She's admitting she's crazy and that you deserve better.

 

I'd agree with her on that. And if you'd contacted her back on the night she was having her episode, she would have turned you down again.

 

You've taken the higher ground wth NC, and here's a clear example of it working.

I have 2 of my exes go through episodes like this, I've strictly applied NC to them in the past and fully walked on. I'm polite back but pretty much ignore them in the romantic sense.

 

The only thing that can turn my head in the direction of an ex, is that they've really dedicated themselves to self work and they feel exactly the way I do.(I don't really feel the same way anymore though, they left it too long)

 

Otherwise I will continue to walk on and live my life, thank you very much.

[fromheart]

It is almost impossible to just forget about someone you spent every day with for 7 years with and see them hurting and not want to comfort them.

 

 

She has chosen to not have you in her life. You cannot and must never settle for 'just friends,' with a woman who you are romantically interested in. This will ruin your male polarity, and she will see you as weak. Eventually, she will hate you for it.

 

It will actually help her more to know that you are a proper man, who looks after himself and doesn't settle for less than his self worth, even if you are not talking to her.

 

That will be way more inspiring for her, than a love struck ex who has accepted the role of 'friend.'

[DarrenB]

It pains me to read something so desperate like that... it reminds me of my own scenarios... Oh goodness, the shame.

 

Yeah, don't interact with her. She made the ultimate decision to let you go, she must now face the consequence/s.

[Frozensushi]

Understand this. A healthy, loving, mutually satisfying relationship looks nothing like what you wrote. Solid relationships should bring mountains of happiness, joy and satisfaction. Will there be a bump or two in any relationship? Heck yes, but they are minor and are not the drama filled immature type that you've been living.

 

I forgot what that was like. lol. This is the truth, though. Take it from aloneinaz, he's been through hell and back. Drama ALL THE TIME is not a healthy relationship, it's a prison sentence. A lot of us are guilty of getting caught up in the drama, almost feeding off it. That's no way to live or love. Being happy and healthy, that's what's important.

[ExpatInItaly]

Good heavens.

 

Stay away from this nutter, OP.

[TooRational]

She has chosen to not have you in her life. You cannot and must never settle for 'just friends,' with a woman who you are romantically interested in. This will ruin your male polarity, and she will see you as weak. Eventually, she will hate you for it.

 

Truth spoken right there. This is precisely why I refused the friendship offer from my ex. It's very hard to do but I can't stay friend with someone that I still wanna bang. How could that fly with an eventual new partner?

 

I'm still friends with my ex wife but the romantic feelings are completely gone so I think that it's fine. And we have kids anyway so it's great that we can remain friends.

 

OP, she lost the privilege to be in your life when she dumped you. Now take this new liberty to find someone worthy (but heal first).

[stillafool]

OP, whatever you do do not respond back to her. She's lying to you about this and she really does miss you and want you back. The thing is if she really wants you back she will have to come to you as a woman and not some silly child. She has to be sure what she wants in a mature way so you can take her seriously. Right now she wants to make sure she still can get attention from you when she needs it to boost her ego. She broke up with you because she said she was not in love. She has to prove to you now that she is in love with you and some silly ass text messages is like a dull knife - it just ain't cuttin it!

[Popbradley]

Listen, I get it, I really do. 7 years is a LONG time and you can't hit a switch and turn off the emotions or feelings. However, you've gotten a taste of how much more drama free your life is w/out her in it. What you need to wrap your head around now is; YOU HAVE TO CUT THE CORD and accept it's REALLY over and your better off. Blocking her or changing your phone number and other means for her to contact you is for YOUR needs, not hers.

 

Until you able to do that, YOU'RE choosing to stay stuck to your past and will continue down that path of further drama, bs, stress and emotions you want to put behind you.

 

Understand this. A healthy, loving, mutually satisfying relationship looks nothing like what you wrote. Solid relationships should bring mountains of happiness, joy and satisfaction. Will there be a bump or two in any relationship? Heck yes, but they are minor and are not the drama filled immature type that you've been living.

 

Seriously my friend.. cut the cord and move on w/your life to someone who you are compatible with and brings all those positive traits that we want in a relationship.

 

Good point. I actually went ahead and blocked her email id and her number this morning as it was killing me thinking about it still. I know what a healthy relationship looks like and I know deep down this has turned bad the second she ditched me but also we had a very healthy relationship up until the last year together and she realizes this too. She started to become withdrawn and we both started snapping at each other for little things here and there.

 

The day she broke up with me she was very cold and distant and didn't feel the need to give me answers even though she was taking my whole life away from me. The first day, months ago, when I decided we couldn't talk Anymore her only response was to ignore it and I still remember telling her "I love you very much and maybe I'm the future we could be together but I can't be friends with you as its killing me." She cried a little but then said "ok mr Wilson! Cya later!" It was the most insanity immature, selfish, crazy goodbye I ever received.

 

I constantly think about that goodbye and how she has always avoided conflict and working on problems. Even with all that I still always liked to think the 7 years together meant something more to her but you are very right and it's also what I was thinking. I am glad others see something is wrong here. I know people don't know my role in the relationship but I had my short comings too but her behavior after she decided she was done has been nothing but selfish and hurtful. That's why after asking I decided to block her. Idk if she's going to contact me in some other way in the future but who knows.

 

Also the crazy rant you saw above is totally unlike anything she did this 3-4 months apart. She only did that after we hadn't talked in a long time. Normally her responses are condescending in ways and when I tried to work through problems and grasp for straws she would just get angry at me.

 

Thank you for the very honest advice.

[Popbradley]

That girl is about as stable as an elephant balancing on a pin...

 

Do not go there.

 

Just ignore and carry on walking away.

 

God she is desperate for attention and dramas isn't she!

 

These boots were made for walking so that is what you will do... OK a girls song but the gist is still the same...

 

Its going to take time for several things to happen... those things are

1. her to give up blowing up your phone, email etc and find yet another victim

2. you to recover and get yourself back together (which sounds like you are doing well at so good on you!)

3. Time to give enough space so you can forget... Because you will...

 

Like I say. Keep ignoring and blocking and forget her. Keep doing your thing.

 

She does sound imbalanced huh? Lol. Well during our 7 years together she was VERY immature but to be quite honest her family is very very drama. I won't go into to many details but they were always drawn to it and somehow my life became consumed in it. Everyone has drama but this family had it in buckets full.

 

Her blowing up my phone was literally This one time in 4 months. Aside from that she has been strong with not contacting me and when I did the first month of no contact she reached out once just to say hello but it only turned into me being desperate and looking for hope in our failed relationship. She never gave me the hope back other than promising to go to couseling and work through the issues but as time has passed I have started to feel I dodged a bullet. I loved and still love this girl very much, even with the crazy lol, but her ability to work through problems are on a 12 year olds level. Something about rejection though just destroys you. Feeling like you tried to work through all the problems just to be thrown into the trash hurts.

 

I am not waiting for her mind to settle and I have this bad feeling somehow she is going to show up on my doorstep one day wanting to try again after I'm long gone haha. (Would be crazy as she's back in Georgia and I'm back in California with family lol.) I know I deserve better but my thinking was always you could work through any problem but both need to want it. I don't know why but I see those messages and her crazy rant and think it's sad she is so immature and associates unhappiness with me and doesn't "love me anymore" yet misses me desperately enough and goes crazy like that after not talking for a while.. People are crazy and life is strange.

[Popbradley]

This is the honest part of her talking. She's admitting she's crazy and that you deserve better.

 

I'd agree with her on that. And if you'd contacted her back on the night she was having her episode, she would have turned you down again.

 

You've taken the higher ground wth NC, and here's a clear example of it working.

I have 2 of my exes go through episodes like this, I've strictly applied NC to them in the past and fully walked on. I'm polite back but pretty much ignore them in the romantic sense.

 

The only thing that can turn my head in the direction of an ex, is that they've really dedicated themselves to self work and they feel exactly the way I do.(I don't really feel the same way anymore though, they left it too long)

 

Otherwise I will continue to walk on and live my life, thank you very much.

 

Yea I figured and I even told my friend she was going to change her tune in the morning and take it all back. Did she really mean that stuff and miss me? Probably, but it's not enough to want to work on things. This whole time apart she hasn't had to deal with the loss and instead is having a blast with life and filling it with distractions but when she does deal with it I'm sure more of her episodes, or worse, would surely come. Too bad that even if time passes and she apologizes for her mistakes and wanted to try again it wouldn't work out. This break up has changed me so much and I feel more stable because of it. I have my days and I still go on my rants to friends and family but I've identified my problems and have started to change for the good. Her on the other hand? She's done nothing to improve her life and has instead moved backwards.

 

I am not sure if people like her EVER wake up one day and say "shoot... I really did lose a good thing." She's always been immature but I put up with it because I loved her but it was always doomed to fail I believe. Her communication level in disagreements was to escalate fights and scream in my face like a brat when I wanted us both to cool off and or talk it out. That's not normal for a mature 26 year old. Will she ever realize this? Probably not but 7 years makes me wish still she would but she defense toy has some growing up to do before she can be in a normal relationship and it actually work out in the long run.

 

I think it's normal for us to wish for our exes to beg for us back but it's normally not possible to go back after they do. That's why I still pray for it to happen some days but have been continuing on with my life knowing I do "deserve better than this" like she said.

[Popbradley]

She has chosen to not have you in her life. You cannot and must never settle for 'just friends,' with a woman who you are romantically interested in. This will ruin your male polarity, and she will see you as weak. Eventually, she will hate you for it.

 

It will actually help her more to know that you are a proper man, who looks after himself and doesn't settle for less than his self worth, even if you are not talking to her.

 

That will be way more inspiring for her, than a love struck ex who has accepted the role of 'friend.'

 

Yea I figured this too. First Time I tried being friends it ended horribly and she treated me with such little respect. Plus I caught myself begging her to love me again constantly and it just pushed her away. When I finally let go and told her all I want is for her to be happy with or without me she was very sweet and seemed more receptive but I meant it when I said it. I'd accept nothing than a full fledge apology and need to try again with her changing and growing up a little. I mean this is only after 3 weeks no contact... Who knows what she would attempt in 3 months... Lol.

 

I can tell though she respects and misses the good in me more when I decided I'm not settling. I do think in ways she sees life with greener grass but I know the grass is only green were you water it. That's why I watered our relationship and wanted it to grow. She let it die and is now lost in her life and what direction to take.

[Popbradley]

It pains me to read something so desperate like that... it reminds me of my own scenarios... Oh goodness, the shame.

 

Yeah, don't interact with her. She made the ultimate decision to let you go, she must now face the consequence/s.

 

Yea. It broke my heart seeing this and it made me cry. I feel bad for her hurting but when she was destroying me and I was crying in our room saying my goodbyes to her she looked me in the eyes with this cold distant look and said "I hate when you are hurting. I always want to take care of you and make you feel better but I can't this time because I'm the one hurting you. I'm sorry" she came over and rubbed my back and just seemed so done with me and I will never forget the lack of emotion from her.

 

That popped in my head when I read her messages later. I loved her but she chose this and was cold to me and is seeing what life really is like without me and clearly she is hurting and missing me but not enough to try and reconcile.

[Popbradley]

I forgot what that was like. lol. This is the truth, though. Take it from aloneinaz, he's been through hell and back. Drama ALL THE TIME is not a healthy relationship, it's a prison sentence. A lot of us are guilty of getting caught up in the drama, almost feeding off it. That's no way to live or love. Being happy and healthy, that's what's important.

 

I agree. Our relationship was not ALWAYS drama but life... Somehow was. If only you guys knew all I sacrificed in the 7 years together you would probably be shocked what I went through for this girl. I'm not talking little things I'm talking me sacrificing my own happiness in a lot of ways and putting up with family issues (including the aunt coming onto me and starting rumors about me that lasted until she died.) life was crazy in this time but it just makes me hurt all the more knowing I stuck through all this for her JUST so she could throw me away like garbage for her own selfish reasons in the end.

 

 

Again we had a lot of good times together and that's mostly what I see but as the rose colored glasses come off I see the negatives. I see how I had to beg for affection in the end and got nothing. I see how unhappy she was and blamed it all on me. I see how little effort she put into working at problems and instead ignored them. I see I am better off.

[Popbradley]

OP, whatever you do do not respond back to her. She's lying to you about this and she really does miss you and want you back. The thing is if she really wants you back she will have to come to you as a woman and not some silly child. She has to be sure what she wants in a mature way so you can take her seriously. Right now she wants to make sure she still can get attention from you when she needs it to boost her ego. She broke up with you because she said she was not in love. She has to prove to you now that she is in love with you and some silly ass text messages is like a dull knife - it just ain't cuttin it!

 

Haha thank you for the response. I want to say I do feel she loves me but she sees it only as a friend but I've heard stuff about her being "confused" her blaming me for her unhappiness but saying stuff like "I was just so unhappy with you for a long time.... Yet... I wasn't always unhappy and had strong romantic feelings for you randomly. Idk... I think I'm just crazy"

 

I think it's almost pretty clear she was unhappy in life and some things with me but is seeing this imaginary green grass and so far it's just not cutting it. Will she ever realize my grass was the greenest and fully apologize and want me back? Who knows but by then it will be to late. I am not responding to these bread crumbs but it's also hard to not do it as your mind wants to trick you into thinking "if I don't respond back this is my only chance to make it work. Is she reaching out and maybe this is her way of saying she is sorry and wants to try again? Maybe she HAS changed" then my rational mind kicks in and says nothing has changed and to just stick the course.

[Toodaloo]

She does sound imbalanced huh? Lol. Well during our 7 years together she was VERY immature but to be quite honest her family is very very drama. I won't go into to many details but they were always drawn to it and somehow my life became consumed in it. Everyone has drama but this family had it in buckets full.

 

Her blowing up my phone was literally This one time in 4 months. Aside from that she has been strong with not contacting me and when I did the first month of no contact she reached out once just to say hello but it only turned into me being desperate and looking for hope in our failed relationship. She never gave me the hope back other than promising to go to couseling and work through the issues but as time has passed I have started to feel I dodged a bullet. I loved and still love this girl very much, even with the crazy lol, but her ability to work through problems are on a 12 year olds level. Something about rejection though just destroys you. Feeling like you tried to work through all the problems just to be thrown into the trash hurts.

 

I am not waiting for her mind to settle and I have this bad feeling somehow she is going to show up on my doorstep one day wanting to try again after I'm long gone haha. (Would be crazy as she's back in Georgia and I'm back in California with family lol.) I know I deserve better but my thinking was always you could work through any problem but both need to want it. I don't know why but I see those messages and her crazy rant and think it's sad she is so immature and associates unhappiness with me and doesn't "love me anymore" yet misses me desperately enough and goes crazy like that after not talking for a while.. People are crazy and life is strange.

 

Erm... I don't quite know what to say...

 

You think she is "strong" for waiting to blow up your phone? Erm nooooo! She was entertained then got bored so wanted a bit of drama lama going on! All it shows is that she couldn't give two tosses about you and was entertained for a while then had a dull night... Oh I know lets see if we can get a rise out of him... Its shows that she is weak. Not strong.

 

Thank God you have distance between you...

 

Carry on... The girl is a mind screwer uper... If she were Pinocchio you would have bridge to cross the English Chanel on...

 

Keep them boots on walking...