Should I beat the living **** out of her new guy?

[teeekuuu]

Hey,

 

Long story short. Im 23 and she's 22, 23 in the end of november. We were together for 5,5 years, living together for 5 of it. R ended in the middle of june.

 

She has since been rather cocky. The reasons she brought up for leaving me were that I was lazy,weak and "wuss". Now I definetly don't see myself as any of that, rather than lazy on occasions, since I love to just have an empty day to myself once a month or so.. She never understood that.

 

Now she got a raise, rented a lux apartment for herself (on the way to my workplace, sucks, gotta drive past that daily ) .

 

She got really mad at me for posting a pic on FB with my friends girlfriend and a couple of friends when we went to see a rally event. Got super jealous etc. I have defriended her, but I guess the pic was public to view. It was a mistake to make it public.. She then told me she has noone in her life and will not ever.

 

Though I've had my suspicion about her having a thing with her boss for a while now. She got a new job last november and since then has been detaching from me little by little, random getaways to supposed girlfriends house, daily lunch with boss jadajada... Pretty much the second she got a decent job after me supporting her through school she ditched me..

 

I've always been strong and I have the biggest urge to **** her new guy up right now, it's her boss though,

 

someone please tell me why I should not do it ?

The one thing that's holding me back is I've never fought/or made fun of people I know are weaker than me, and since I've practiced a lot of martial arts I know I could swipe the guy right into dirt.... It's just that i want to do that very very badly....

 

Also kinda need advice on how to approach her Bday and christmas...

 

I've spent the last 5 years of christmas with her family only, since I'm rather detached from my own....

 

Do I wish her anything? Maybe her mom? Her mom was always in favour of me, and super nice to me... I don't know. I need some advice, I thought I would be over her by now, or at least not hurting so much....

Edited November 2, 2016 by teeekuuu

[RecentChange]

Fighting is for people with nothing to lose.

 

Do you have any assets that could be confiscated to pay judgements?

 

Do you have any time that would be lost sitting in jail?

 

Do you have a bright future that could be lost by tarnishing it with a criminal record?

 

If you don't have any of those things, go right ahead. You will demonstrate to your peers your lack of maturity. You will demonstrate to her that you are a fool desperate for her attention. You will demonstrate to him that he "stole" this girl from a boy.

[DarrenB]

I understand jealousy and your concerns, but you've ended since June? what gives you the right and audacity to interfere in her life moving on from you by 'beating the living s*** out of her new guy'? something tells me that this is not the most sensible idea in the world, nor is it the maturest.

 

Why is there even a need to approach her on her birthday/Christmas? considering she has a new fella now, I think that's all the more reason not to do or say anything. If she was single, then that's a completely different story. Unfortunately for you, that's not the case. I wouldn't do anything, don't aggravate the situation further and don't provoke her new man or her.

 

I understand you're hurting, but there's dozens of other ways than inflicting hurt onto other people, to ease what you feel. I'd suggest talking to her mum yes, thank her for her time and her daughters regards, and give the best wishes. As for anything else, you're going to have to rule off anything unless and if she comes back to you in the future.

[IfonlyIknew]

A reason why you shouldn't do it? Because you have nothing to prove. It's over and done with let it be. It sucks yes I know, but hurt feelings try and hurt others, don't stoop that low.

[PegNosePete]

someone please tell me why I should not do it ?

Because the ability to control our emotions, and think about the consequences of our actions, is what separates us humans from the animals.

[Miss Clavel]

go to the gym and beat up something else.

 

get it out of your system.

 

then, go to the hallmark store and spend at least ten dollars on the best christmas card they have.

 

write; "i'm so sorry i can't be with all of you this christmas, i'm vacationing in st barts". sign your name, send it to her mother at the address they will gather to celebrate. you should know where the have their christmas get together.

 

 

if you put her thru school, you might take legal advice regarding what she owes you now she's earning in a field you helped her achieve.

 

her getting a legal notice to appear and explain how she owes you nothing, after all you've done for her would feel way better then her boss's nose collapsing under your fist.

 

trust me.

 

good luck.

[teeekuuu]

Ahh thank you. You've given me a lot to think about.

 

There's no way in hell im gonna hurt someone over this, I get it out of my system by getting my face smashed at a regular basis at my mma training sessions, I've even lost the desire to defend myself because getting hurt kinda feels good right now, if you know what i mean..

 

I don't hold the school part against her, I just feel hurt, a lot. I never imagined I could feel this way though... She texts me when she sees something over my FB page or sth, gets jealous and basically says that I'm a dick if i move on, even if I actually have not..

 

I'm definetly gonna thank her mother for all she's done for me, and her grandmother..

 

I guess I saw us building a future together, not guiding her on a path of her own...

 

The one thing I'm still pissed off about, is the fact that she pulled me away from my own family super hard, all of the holidays were spent with hers and the fact that I let that happen is eating me up inside. I don't even feel welcome at my mothers anymore...

 

 

Feels good to talk aobut this though, thanks

[jen1447]

Another reason is you're not morally or civically entitled to "beat the living **** out of" anyone solely at your discretion.

[teeekuuu]

I was successfully in NC for 1,5 months until she sent me a text that got to me..

 

She was at her grandmothers house and took a picture of a framed picture of me and a local superstar, that pushed exactly the right buttons for me...

[DarrenB]

Ahh thank you. You've given me a lot to think about.

Feels good to talk aobut this though, thanks

 

Take a step away from the entire situation mate. Make worth for yourself and build bridges with those who were neglected and abandoned at the time. There's nothing worse (well there is, but you get the drift) than losing more than what you thought you initially would.

 

She's made a decision for herself, you need to make yours. Don't focus on current actions, reactions, or any of that malarkey. Time will give you the answers and healing that you seek.

[Toodaloo]

Step away from the ex.

 

You clearly still have feelings for her. Stay away (ignore and block texts) until you have no worries and just feel indifferent to her.

 

The day you pass in the street, she says hello and you don't recognise her... That is the day.

 

throwing fists at other guys is not cool. Ever.

[SammySammy]

Martial arts should teach discipline, control, and a healthy respect for your opponent. One thing we learn early in martial arts is to never underestimate the other guy.

 

I guess that's one of the problems with MMA. Is it really a martial art if you don't train the whole man? Mind, body, and soul.

 

Do what you want, man. But, wanting to beat up the current guy, contact her or her mother for Christmas, and all of that makes it appear she's right about you. Lame, weak, and a wuss. None of those desires are a demonstration of strength, discipline, or self-control.

[teeekuuu]

Martial arts should teach discipline, control, and a healthy respect for your opponent. One thing we learn early in martial arts is to never underestimate the other guy.

 

I guess that's one of the problems with MMA. Is it really a martial art if you don't train the whole man? Mind, body, and soul.

 

Do what you want, man. But, wanting to beat up the current guy, contact her or her mother for Christmas, and all of that makes it appear she's right about you. Lame, weak, and a wuss. None of those desires are a demonstration of strength, discipline, or self-control.

 

Thanks for throwing s*** about me venting, it's not like i actually did anything.

 

I'm just not the kind of guy to spend years with people and then suddenly dissapear, her mom has been nice to me and i thought it would be a nice gesture..

[whatnot]

you're not the vengeful type. (Not that vengeful anyway). We all think stuff.

 

Rightly or wrongly, there's a feel about this relationship. You're not what she says you are. You want revenge? Hope that her new partner is really, really strong LOL

 

Hang tough You know what to do. You're there. (we're not)

 

You'll do what ya gotta do (to get through this, and you will get thru this. You'll move on...

 

(change your number)

 

good luck

[whatnot]

there's no right or wrong here.....except for what's in your best interest.....I mean about her mom and grandmother. They know you. and trust me....they know her lol too. (personally, if you don't want that woman back, i'd let that go. I've had to do similar ....fwiw. They won't hold it against you if they never hear from you again. They'll understand.)

 

 

 

edit: she's a more vengeful person than you..... in actions.

 

 

(change your number)

Edited November 2, 2016 by whatnot

[ExpatInItaly]

No, you shouldn't fight anyone. It will make you look like an immature tool. And then this guy will laugh you all the way to the police station and then court. Worth it? I highly doubt it. Especially when you seem to have zero proof they ever had a thing, and even if they did, she would have been the one who betrayed you. Not him. Your anger is totally misguided. Yet you want to wish this girl happy birthday or Merry Christmas? That makes no sense, OP.

 

Is there a reason you haven't blocked her? Her message never could have riled you up this much if you had blocked access to you.

 

And her birthday and Christmas should be non-events to you. So no, you should not wish her and especially not her mother anything. You need to let go; it's been over a little while now. I know you're hurt and very angry, but you need to start accepting it.

[GorillaTheater]

I guess I differ from some in that I absolutely believe that some people have an ass-kicking coming to them, but I don't see where this guy does.

 

 

Personally, I think you're still smarting from and feeling a little reactive to her "wuss" comment.

[ChickiePops]

I mean..you definitely have absolutely no right to be upset that she's dating someone else, nor do you have a right to be angry at the guy..but if you really need a reason not to beat him up, what about the fact that he would most likely press charges and your ass would be thrown in jail?

[Grumpybutfun]

There are two pretty significant lessons life is trying to teach you in this situation. One is how to master your emotions so you don't behave in a way that reflects poorly on your honor or integrity. The second is that your ego is far more important to you than your character. Work on separating your ego from others' direct treatment of you. Being in control of your emotions and not letting your ego dictate your behavior will go a long way in making you a strong and effective partner in a relationship.

I practice MMA and I would never use it to further my own agenda or to cater to my wounded ego. Control, honor, respect and discipline are the hallmarks of true MMA fighters. You can always tell the ones who understand the principles of honor as opposed to the brawlers.

Best,

Grumps

[Lifeissomething]

Breakups are no fun. Stop communicating with her it isn't helping your situation or healing. Don't worry about the mother or grandmother. I have never heard of family members of a dumper becoming offended when a dumpee keeps their distance or vanishes after a breakup, no matter how close the dumpee was with the family. It's a break up, they under stand. I'm sure they have a nice memory of you, so leave it at that.

[kvolm2016]

Since you mentioned that you were successful with no contact for part of the time since your break up in June, what changed that?

[teeekuuu]

I guess I differ from some in that I absolutely believe that some people have an ass-kicking coming to them, but I don't see where this guy does.

 

 

Personally, I think you're still smarting from and feeling a little reactive to her "wuss" comment.

 

He has a wife and 2 kids, one of the kids is very ill and will most likely live no longer than 2-3more years. I find it rather repulsive, that this is what he does to his wife.To be honest

[ExpatInItaly]

He has a wife and 2 kids, one of the kids is very ill and will most likely live no longer than 2-3more years. I find it rather repulsive, that this is what he does to his wife.To be honest

 

OP, do you have evidence he cheated on his wife with your ex?

 

You said you had your suspicions, but is there any tangible proof? Are they together now?

[teeekuuu]

OP, do you have evidence he cheated on his wife with your ex?

 

You said you had your suspicions, but is there any tangible proof? Are they together now?

 

Of course I don't have pictures or anything, but staying overnight at her house and her neighbour is a client of mine, his statements kinda round up to cheating yeah.

 

 

 

She reached me through another number of hers, her work number, I had yet to block that one.

 

Going NC again most definetly, I was doing alright already. I still catch myself thinking about her, but more often than not, I think about other stuff. I guess I'm finally starting to remove her from the pedestal and might even be letting someone else into my life, don't want to rush it though, I've still got lots of healing to do..

 

 

I know some might think I'm a dick, but I forced her to take the cat she took in a couple of years ago. She said that it's gonna be hard to find an appartment that allows cats, so I held on to the cat for a few weeks after she moved out.

 

I just didn't want the cat to be a constant reminder of her, I did not want to take the cat into my appartment in the first place and the cat has totally ruined a lot of furniture, which I'm gonna be replacing in 2017, I might even take a cat of my own to be honest, felt nice to have someone at home after a long day of work.

Edited November 4, 2016 by teeekuuu

[kvolm2016]

These forums are great for support for processing what has happened. To really find full healing to be ready for a new relationship might require some professional counseling. Is that something you are open to or are pursuing?