ihniloc Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 (edited) My situation is weird but I will try my best to explain fully. My (ex)girlfriend and I "stopped taking" about 2 months ago. She said she needed time to get over something I had done. It was nothing bad, I felt like I was being lied to so I stalked her. I use quotation marks when I say we stopped talking because we didn't really stop talking as such, we just talking via voice chat. Our relationship was long distance and we used to talk every single day, for most of the day. She stated that she needed time to forget what I had done but she didn't want to stop talking to me fully. The first 2 weeks or so after we "stopped talking" she would still tell me she loved me, sometimes gave me a phone call just before I slept to say she loved me. I am crazy about the girl and this was my very first relationship so I didn't really know how to handle the situation. I begged, I pleaded, I told her how broken and lonely I was. I am friends with her sister also and told her how I feel too. I would message her every day and get a reply about 4 hours later usually with something irrelevant to what I had said so this made me feel so unwanted. About 2 weeks ago, I got her to talk about us. She said something along the lines of "I don't have the same feelings for you, I'm sorry. However, I still think you're an amazing guy and it's not really a never again". After this, I decided to stop messaging her to stop bothering her and try to get my life back on track. I uninstalled all the apps on my phone she could get a hold of me on. However, today I logged on Skype because I was feeling very sad about her and was trying to see if she would message me and wonder what was going on in my life because she must be curious. I logged on and seen 9 messages from her. Here are the messages: ex: btw , have you been searching for me online? ex: *myname*? ex: are you still working ex: guess so ex: So? ex: did you or not ex: *myname*? ex: Are you alive D: ex: What's happening? This confused me greatly because I was under the impression that she didn't care about me at all anymore and to see her messaging me this often made me think otherwise but at the same time, I found it weird how she asked if I was checking her name on the Internet... I still absolutely love her and she is in my thoughts all day, every day. I've been looking after myself a lot, going to the gym, being with friends, working more shifts etc to keep my mind active because that's when I seem to think about everything a bit less. I told her this today and she thought it was good that I was looking after myself. I just really want to tell her how much I still love her but I don't want to seem like the weak, crazy about her guy anymore because that never worked before. Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, my head is a bit of a mess at the moment. If there is any more information you want me to provide just say and I'll be happy to tell everything. Thanks for any comments! Edited November 2, 2016 by ihniloc
LastAcorn99 Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 I firmly believe that trust is the foundation for a healthy relationship, any relationship. I would say that this is most crucial especially in a long-distance relationship, because you don’t have the luxury of meeting up and spending time together and observe each other’s behavior. I feel you have to look beyond the feelings and see how healthy your relationship had been, and if there is hope for mutual trust and respect in the future. Also, if you have friends who are/have been in a LDR, you may want to ask their advice as well. All the best!
Marc878 Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 (edited) Crying, begging and pleading says - you are worth so much more than me and no matter how bad you treat me I'll always be your needy doormat. Which empowers them to treat you worse. Do not write the infamous letter poring out your heart, etc, etc, etc. You can't make someone do anything. If you chase someone they will flee. Go dark, block her and time will fix the rest. Why waste time on someone that doesn't give a damn about you. Most often they'll tell you what you want to hear just to passify you and then do what they want anyway. You'll stare on her breadcrumbs. Your actions will just make this linger and keep you in limbo longer. She's gone and you are jus hanging on. Why? Edited November 2, 2016 by Marc878 3
ExpatInItaly Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 Have you met her in person? What do you mean when you say you "stalked" her? I have a feeling her question about whether you've searched for her is related to that, and not because she's hoping you have sought her out.
Author ihniloc Posted November 2, 2016 Author Posted November 2, 2016 I firmly believe that trust is the foundation for a healthy relationship, any relationship. I would say that this is most crucial especially in a long-distance relationship, because you don’t have the luxury of meeting up and spending time together and observe each other’s behavior. I feel you have to look beyond the feelings and see how healthy your relationship had been, and if there is hope for mutual trust and respect in the future. Also, if you have friends who are/have been in a LDR, you may want to ask their advice as well. All the best! Thanks for your reply! Trust was a big issue for me at least. She always claimed the only thing that would make her leave me would be if I lied to her. I just don't lie and never will. However, I caught her a while back lying and I brought it up with her and she was very apologetic etc but I love her so much so I let it slide but after that first lie, it's hard to trust someone fully after it.
Author ihniloc Posted November 2, 2016 Author Posted November 2, 2016 Crying, begging and pleading says - you are worth so much more than me and no matter how bad you treat me I'll always be your needy doormat. Which empowers them to treat you worse. Do not write the infamous letter poring out your heart, etc, etc, etc. You can't make someone do anything. If you chase someone they will flee. Go dark, block her and time will fix the rest. Why waste time on someone that doesn't give a damn about you. Most often they'll tell you what you want to hear just to passify you and then do what they want anyway. You'll stare on her breadcrumbs. Your actions will just make this linger and keep you in limbo longer. She's gone and you are jus hanging on. Why? This post pretty much nails it. You're absolutely right, she has been treating me like a doormat. I've come to realise that I can't change her mind about anything, no matter what I say, she stays firm with the fact that she doesn't want me anymore. I guess I need to just take it on the chin, stop being so crazy about her and move on. That being said, It's just so hard for me, I've tried stopping talking to her and when I see she has sent me a bunch of messages it just makes me feel awful, but why should I feel awful? She is the one being cold about the whole situation. I feel like if I just stop talking to her completely she will think I've just stopped caring about her completely which isn't the case at all and she'll start to think I'm a new and colder person who doesn't still absolutely adore her. It's just been so difficult for me because this is the first time I've ever been 'in love' and when it was going well I was on cloud 9, the happiest I've ever been. Life just felt so amazing, she turned me into a better person and I can't thank her enough for it. I just wish all of this could be forgotten about and go back to how it used to be but sadly, it's just not going to happen.
Toodaloo Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 You are done with her. Doesn't matter who decided or who did it. You two are through. When it ends she doesn't get the benefit of you any more so for goodness sake go no contact. For your own sanity.
Marc878 Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 You don't go completely no contact (block everything) you will only hurt yourself. She'll be happy to string you along getting her ego fix at your expense. Keep screwing your head up over her if you want but i sure wouldn't.
Author ihniloc Posted November 2, 2016 Author Posted November 2, 2016 You don't go completely no contact (block everything) you will only hurt yourself. She'll be happy to string you along getting her ego fix at your expense. Keep screwing your head up over her if you want but i sure wouldn't. So you reckon go completely no contact?
Marc878 Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 It'll get you where you need to be so you can move on like she did. You'll be fine.
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