Hurting_guy Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 My g.f. of almost three years, told me she needed a break this past thursday night. The reasons she told me were b.s., and she apologized for that by writing me an email explaining her feelings. She doesn't want to end what we have, and she also made it a point that its not about someone else, this is strictly about her feelings for me, and if i'm "the one". She went on to say that she just needs some time apart to figure that out, if im really the one for her. she goes on to mention that her best friend at work, broke up with her boyfriend for 5 months, and after that, they realized they truly loved/wanted each other, and have now been married for two years. a buddy of mine told his g.f. he needed a break, for 8 months, and is now engaged to her. obviously our relationship is not the same as any of these people that we know, and the fact that she is mentioning this, gives me some hope. but i need to hear what you all have to say, i've been reading a lot of these messages, and you all give good, real advice. She also said in the email that she would like to see me one night this week, so that we can get together, talk, whatever. so i emailed her back last night, explaining how much i cared for her, and that she now has her time. i also told her that if she really wanted to get together sometime this week, that i am here for her, and that yes, i will meet with you to talk. (my good friend is also dating her sister) so i spoke with her sister about the whole thing on saturday, and her sister basically told me, what i already know, that she has a hard time verbally explaining her feelings, and that it has nothing to do with another guy. so i asked her, how long am i expected to wait? i feel like i could be waiting around for her to tell me that now its REALLY over, and there's no shot of us getting back together. what do you all think? how long am i supposed to wait for this girl to decide if she really loves me or not? i havn't called her, and havn't emailed her since my response the other night, and don't plan on it. should i just wait and see what she has to say when she wants to "see me"? i feel like i have no choice but to do so, but this girl was not only my g.f., but my best friend, confidant yadda yadda yadda.... thoughts? suggestions? thanks in advance for your advice.
dresden Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 I think you have to prepare yourself for whatever she will say when you see her. If she wants to break up, there's not much you can do. Thank her for the three years and wish her the best. (Well, try anyway.) Plan something positive for yourself, like a little trip, a night out with friends, whatever. Have something to look forward to. Things get better with time, a big cliche but true. Take care of yourself, honey.
Drivetildriven Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Sorry man, but believe it or not, she's already met someone else. 99% of the time, that's the case.
Zaira Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Maybe she wants to be just like the others - take the break, realise she can't live without you and then live happily ever after. You're doing the right thing by giving her space. However, I would also prepare yourself for the likelihood that she may not come back. See how things go, and what is said when you meet up with her next. I am sure you will have a better idea then about what is going on in her head and heart.
francis Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 aaa...this is the hardest thing to face...just let go. if she doesnt want to work things through as a team with you, she is risking losing you. ask yourself, so you want to be with someone who runs at the first sign of trouble? do you want to be with someone who doubts their committment to you and is willing to lose you completely just to evaluate her feelings? you deserve to be with someone who is devoted to you and is prepared to face good times with the bad times... of course you will wait for her, but unless you give her an ultimatum, you may be waiting for a long time, in which time, you may go crazy with the limbo situation... if she cares about you, she will be fair, honest and considerate with you and your feelings she may be seeking reassurance from you...give it to her, insist and demand that you are committed and love her and have faith in your relationship...but remember, we often learn our most valuable lessons under extreme circumstances, when we realise we must not take things for granted...so, walk away also, agree to the break... if a woman wants to be with you, she will be...
westernxer Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Tell her to look you up when she's made her decision. I split on a girl who did this, and I'm glad I did, even though it was hard in the beginning. I told her it was over, right then and there. No way I was gonna put up with this, and you shouldn't either. Not sure how old your girl is, but it's understandable if she's 20. Girls that age don't know what they want. If they do this when they're 30, forget it... Sometimes they have to lose you to appreciate you, so do her a favor already... Doesn't mean you can't go back, but do yourself a favor as well, and be a man for once. If worse comes to worse, you can find someone else. Last I checked, there were plenty of girls available.
butterfly29 Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 I remember my ex boyfriend told me last year that he wasn't sure how he feels about me. Not sure if he can give me what I want. And then cried and told me he's scared. That situation pushed me to go see a shrink. The shrink told me that this guy loves me and leaving him right now would be cruel and awful thing to do while this relationship still has a chance. The next time me and the guy had similiar conversation, he broke up with me. What did I learn from this... 1. how somebody with a PhD in psycology of relationships have so little insight when it comes to relationships. 2. people who have to deside whether they want to be with you or not or are unsure about their feelings about you are simply a waste of your time. Brutal but true. I've seen this scenario over and over again. Don't let yourself be a pushover. She will hurt you again, and next time will be more intense.
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