Understanding Why Ex Had Quick Rebound Marriage

[WorkingOnSelf]

I'd like to understand this and put it all into perspective so that I can cope with it. I know most people will say to put it out of my mind and move on, etc. I get that and I am working on that, however while working on myself I also want to understand things from her perspective because I think that will help me with forgiveness.

 

First of all, my ex wife quickly found a new guy and married him 9 months after we separated and 5 months after she met him. She is 39 and I am 40. Their engagement was only a few days long and they got married in regular clothes by a trash can at the court house. Our wedding was what she tasked me to do which was find a “witch doctor” and not have a legal marriage because she doesn’t agree with getting the state involved, isn’t religious, etc, etc. We dated for 4 years and married for 3 after that. He works minimum wage jobs, and his main motivations in life are smoking weed, going to concerts, bars, and football games. He's the type of guy who never gets upset and always puts on a good front because he's so carefree and happy go lucky. He also has no car so she gladly drives him to all this or just lets him use her car. He gets along well with the kids because he’s basically a big kid. Even though he has no direction in life, he has a ton of friends and probably a great personality. I am kind of a big kid too but I am mature and have made a good life for myself and am responsible. These kids called me dad by the way because I was their step dad and loved taking the responsibility. I think he only wears football-related clothes and makes her cheer on his team even though she hated football and television when she was with me. He posts random videos and memes non-stop on her facebook page and he has like 1,000 friends who post on his page how great and awesome he is. This is even though we were mostly private in our lives and I’m sure she would have been offended if I posted something on her own page. It's like everything that she normally has no respect for, doesn't like, and has nothing in common with is suddenly the best thing and magical and wonderful and all she ever dreamed of while she was stuck with too serious and cynical ole me. All she had to do was put me on the chopping block and tell the kids its time to move on, then easy-peasy the next guy to come along is suddenly the answer and proves how wrong I was. I am the bad one, I am the reason why she had to dump me and all she has to do is replace me with someone who is happier than me because he doesn’t have the memory of her moodiness, nor the insight to know any better. I’m quite certain her bad moods will come out once the love-sickness dies down, but who knows? Maybe this guy really is the answer to her dreams, will kiss her ass for the rest of his life and I should figure out what is actually wrong with me.

 

I truly put my heart and soul into that relationship and really worked to try to make things better and more romantic when she started telling me, to my shock that she was unhappy. I just do not see how it is fair or even true that she could simply replace me for a guy who treats her like a queen and puts her on a pedestal to magically fulfill all her dreams. Can this be real? What is her motivation for this and how do I learn to accept it when I see how wrong and delusional it all is? Most importantly how do I learn to forgive this and understand it so that I am not forever jaded and broken by it? BTW I do not want her back and cannot take her back, but I do want to understand this and honestly I do want to see her fail with this rebound marriage because the whole thing just sickens me and she should have to grieve her decision to trade up like that.

[stillafool]

It is doubtful that your ex wife just met the guy and married him in 9 months. They were more than likely seeing each other while she was married to you. It could be the sex or a deep emotional connection that makes her put up with all of his short comings. Both are hard for women to find. You sound like a great guy, are you in a relationship yet?

[Marc878]

You are wasting time trying to figure her out but I agree with above she was probably seeing him long before. It just didn't happen. Go back and check your phone bills. You'll see it there.