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Take things slowly?

RyanO1991

By RyanO1991
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RyanO1991 Established Member

RyanO1991

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hi. I haven't dated in 3 years having come out of a long term relationship a few months ago, so feel like dating is new all over again.

 

I met a girl online about 5 days ago. We've been messaging each other and I really like her. It's difficult to tell if there's a spark as we've only been messaging but the conversation of flowing.

 

I suggested meeting up for a drink at some point but she hasn't responded, but apparently she's been checking my profile a lot over the last couple of days and the messages are flowing more than ever.

 

I'm wondering whether we should carry on messaging for a few more days, or maybe offer my number so we can at least text or call. I don't want to push her out of her comfort zone.

 

I've never met someone online before so this is all quite new.

 

Any thoughts?

Edited by RyanO1991
sunshine2 Established Member

sunshine2

Posted
Posted (edited)

Some people just want to text and not meet on OLD and will waste your time. I would ask her one more time if she wants to meet for a drink and if she ignores it again, move on. I like to meet pretty quickly to stop time wasters as I have had my share. One guy texted me on and off for 3 years. We finally met and there was NO spark. Not something I would ever do again.

Edited by sunshine2
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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

Welcome to online dating. A lot of people will waste your time. Some are on there just to get attention with no intention of meeting. Some are married, some lie, some.....the list is long.

 

To avoid all of the time waster you have to meet fast. Online dating websites are to make contact, once contact has been made and you had 1-2-3 conversation you meet over a coffee. Within 5 days if possible. Any longer she is wasting your time.

 

When I was online I met men after 1 conversation, sometimes it was on same day, following day, but most of the time it was within 3-4 days, no longer.

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strawberryshortstack Established Member

strawberryshortstack

Posted
Posted
Welcome to online dating. A lot of people will waste your time. Some are on there just to get attention with no intention of meeting. Some are married, some lie, some.....the list is long.

 

To avoid all of the time waster you have to meet fast. Online dating websites are to make contact, once contact has been made and you had 1-2-3 conversation you meet over a coffee. Within 5 days if possible. Any longer she is wasting your time.

 

When I was online I met men after 1 conversation, sometimes it was on same day, following day, but most of the time it was within 3-4 days, no longer.

 

 

I try to meet people pretty quickly, but the guy I've been seeing for 2 1/2 months now (it's going very well) sent me a message the week before I was set to fly across the country to visit my dying grandfather. On top of that, I had strep throat. Needless to say, we did not meet within 3-4 days. We did not meet even within one week. His first message to me was on July 28th - we met on August 18th, nearly 3 weeks later. We kept our conversations light, though, saving the real getting to know each other talk for when we met, since we both knew from the start that we wanted to meet. He waited patiently for me to get better, finish my trip, recover from my trip, and have an evening free. So sometimes, just because someone isn't able to meet right away, doesn't mean they're not interested. The trick is in accurately determining the difference, I guess.

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joseb Established Member

joseb

Posted
Posted

OP you say you suggested meeting up but she hasn't responded...yet you also the the conversation is still flowing...

So did she just ignore your question then?

 

How exactly did you phrase it?

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RyanO1991 Established Member

RyanO1991

Posted
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Posted
OP you say you suggested meeting up but she hasn't responded...yet you also the the conversation is still flowing...

So did she just ignore your question then?

 

How exactly did you phrase it?

 

To be honest, I didn't phrase it very well. We talked about our jobs and how we imagined we both had lots of stories to tell. After three messages, I said we should meet up sometime and share them over a drink. It was more of a statement than a question.

 

Great avatar, by the way!m:cool:

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

never ever worry about "their comfort" or what they think, etc. You have a couple of conversations, then be direct, ask them out. When your confident you will either win them over, or they have no choice but to reject you. You save yourself so much time. Like the others say, there are a lot of time wasters that just end up being your penpal.

If they do not give you the answer "yes" you ditch them immediately and move on. Remember only an interested person says YES. You get to know them proper on DATES, not through texting/messages.

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Erik30 Established Member

Erik30

Posted
Posted

In my own experience online, whenever someone seems to avoid your question/comment about hanging out, it usually means they're not really that interested, but like the attention.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
To be honest, I didn't phrase it very well. We talked about our jobs and how we imagined we both had lots of stories to tell. After three messages, I said we should meet up sometime and share them over a drink. It was more of a statement than a question.

 

Great avatar, by the way!m:cool:

 

It was too vague. Ask her out on a specific night and book it. We are Thursday so ask her now if she has time to meet over the weekend. That being said the fact you were vague in your first attempt does not justifies her being ignorant.

  • Like 1
phineas Established Member

phineas

Posted
Posted

How to online date.

After 4 or 5 messages I ask for the number.

I text a little here and there then ask them when they are free to talk on the phone.

I talk on the phone.

I ask them on a date.

 

I am very direct and when I ask them for any of the above it is the only thing I convey.

I don't mix it in with other chit-chat either.

If at any stage they do not comply with my requests I go dark on them until they do.

 

I've had women message me a week later multiple times with non-messages with no response from me until they gave me what I asked for.

 

They aren't stupid.

They know you asked them out.

They know why you are on the site.

Show them you aren't going to let them waste your time and they make an effort.

 

But, to be honest, women like this are usually not quality.

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