Ignoratio Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 (edited) I've never had issues picking up women, taking women home, or casually taking people out on dates. But now at the age of 27 I find myself in an exclusive relationship for the first time, with a 31 year old woman and I feel like I'm venturing off into uncharted territory... It started off as a traditional hookup/one night stand 3 months ago and now I see her everyday, she is essentially living with me now. Exclusivity is never implied so I confirmed we are exclusive. I haven't had sex, taken out, or tried to get with anyone else for the past 2 months. I've always said that I would only be exclusive when I want to, not because "society" thinks I should. This time was different, it just "feels" right. For the first time in my life I don't care that I can't see how many women I want whenever I feel like seeing them because I care a lot about this particular woman. She used the "l word" last week and I was silent. I explained to her that this is all very new to me and I need to discover what love means to me. She knows this is new for me and I've never been in a committed relationship and that I've had a very casual sexual lifestyle. Her fiance of 7 years died 2 years ago. I've met her family many times and attend outings with them, they have a high opinion of me. So how do I determine that we are on the same page about what we want? I've never had to do this before and I feel like there are so many uncertainties about the future...will one of us have to move to another city for work? What will happen to me or to her? Does she see herself eventually getting more serious with me and still being with me 5 years from now? So many uncertainties with no clear trajectory...do we even need a clear trajectory? What if I don't even know what I want? Edited November 1, 2016 by Ignoratio
GunslingerRoland Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 So how do I determine that we are on the same page about what we want? I've never had to do this before and I feel like there are so many uncertainties about the future...will one of us have to move to another city for work? What will happen to me or to her? Does she see herself eventually getting more serious with me and still being with me 5 years from now? So many uncertainties with no clear trajectory...do we even need a clear trajectory? What if I don't even know what I want? All you can do is talk. Talk about where you see your life heading. No one has a clear view of the future. Do you have a reason to suspect one of you will have to move for work soon? if not worrying about all the things that could happen in the future is a poor way to fill yourself with negative thoughts. Even though you guys are getting serious, you still need to remember that it's early. 2 months is a very very short relationship and talking about things like if you expect to be together in 5 years is premature IMO. Typically 3-6 months is the honeymoon period of a relationship where you don't always see the flaws in the other person.
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