slayhunty Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 Hello guys , i was with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years together. We have had a lot of issues that had worsen in the last months. My trust wasn't the same (even though he didnt cheat on me) , but i am a very jelaous person. What he never liked abour me was my insecurity , and i think from this insecurity comes all the hate , anger and jelaousy. Since i've had a lot of isues with my family and studies , i seeked a psychiatrist today too. My appointmeint is in 1 Month , and i have a really important exam too . Im just a hot mess right now! I am miserable. I want him back , but i know i need to work on myself first. He did a lot of mistakes too....but i really just want to forget everything and be with him because he makes me happy. I broke up with him for the second time a week ago(first time was 3 month ago and it lasted 3 and a half months before we came together again , i begged him every single day , which was my mistake) , but we keep in touch mainly because we lived together and shared a lot of things. Now we dont live together, I really tried to obey the No Contact rule ....but its so difficult. Because he writes me a lot when we dont meet up. Its weird for us to not eat together , sleep together , watch something together. We meet up like friends and talk .........but than , it breaks my heart so bad when he doesnt kiss me, i'd rather die than experience it again. The No Contact rule is also difficult , because we are neighbours. My ''mother in law'' tells me that he loves me and that he wants the old me back , but im so afraid that he wants to be away forever. Im such a hot mess!! What do i do guys , when should i talk to him bout getting back? plz help:( thanks in advance
noski Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 Hello guys , i was with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years together. We have had a lot of issues that had worsen in the last months. My trust wasn't the same (even though he didnt cheat on me) , but i am a very jelaous person. What he never liked abour me was my insecurity , and i think from this insecurity comes all the hate , anger and jelaousy. Since i've had a lot of isues with my family and studies , i seeked a psychiatrist today too. My appointmeint is in 1 Month , and i have a really important exam too . Im just a hot mess right now! I am miserable. I want him back , but i know i need to work on myself first. He did a lot of mistakes too....but i really just want to forget everything and be with him because he makes me happy. I broke up with him for the second time a week ago(first time was 3 month ago and it lasted 3 and a half months before we came together again , i begged him every single day , which was my mistake) , but we keep in touch mainly because we lived together and shared a lot of things. Now we dont live together, I really tried to obey the No Contact rule ....but its so difficult. Because he writes me a lot when we dont meet up. Its weird for us to not eat together , sleep together , watch something together. We meet up like friends and talk .........but than , it breaks my heart so bad when he doesnt kiss me, i'd rather die than experience it again. The No Contact rule is also difficult , because we are neighbours. My ''mother in law'' tells me that he loves me and that he wants the old me back , but im so afraid that he wants to be away forever. Im such a hot mess!! What do i do guys , when should i talk to him bout getting back? plz help:( thanks in advance I am sorry for what you are going through.Did he tell you that he wanted you back ?What does he write about ? You mentioned you met up like friends,do you guys act like friends when you do ? "To fix a relationship" both parties need to comply and be willing to . Stay strong,the love you are giving to him is the love that you are,take care of yourself.
aloneinaz Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 What I read is you're both very young and are possibly each others firsts? Then, throw in your insecurities and immaturities from both of you and it's a bad combo. Most young first time relationships end after 2-3 years for various reasons. Folks need to experience dating others and getting more life experience. What you should do? Go to some therapy to address the areas you feel need it. Stay NC with him. Let him know that you are working on yourself and think it would be best if you both not have any contact for a while. Then, after whatever time period, see how you feel about him, that relationship, etc.. In the meantime, really try and identify if you miss him or just having that significant other in your life.
Author slayhunty Posted November 1, 2016 Author Posted November 1, 2016 i broke up with him beacause i couldnt accept the idea that the last time that we broke up he started searching for somebody else. He is my first yes , but im not to him , which i have no problem with...i am just unterstanding slowly how immmature i was. And i really dont want to date somebody else , i tried , its failing , i just really really love him and want him back. We do act as friends when we met , until today , i just burt out cring , telling him i miss him , and he feels the same way , but told me he cannot have a relationship right now because he is too stressed out
basil67 Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 Why did you break up the first time? There must have been significant and unsolvable problems for you to do so....
Mrin Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 Dating Truth: temporary breakups are not conducive to permanent relationships. I don't know where people get this idea that break ups are things that can be temporary. I for one have never broken up and then gotten back together (except maybe for sex). If I'm upset enough to break up or if she's upset enough to break up, that's it. That's an ender. 1
Author slayhunty Posted November 1, 2016 Author Posted November 1, 2016 Why did you break up the first time? There must have been significant and unsolvable problems for you to do so.... i broke up with him the first time becausse of all the little things , and i was too immmature to think that he wouldnt take it seriously. the thing is i love him , he loves me . BUt he doesnt want to be with me anymore because i stress him too much out. And today he told me , that we wont kiss or do anything with me because i get angry cuz we arent together. The problem is. He seeks contact with me. That hurts my heart so much. Im really not the one calling him first. And my depression is not helping me either. How can i be friends with somebody when all i want is kiss them and tell them how much i love them....its really difficult
noski Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 i broke up with him the first time becausse of all the little things , and i was too immmature to think that he wouldnt take it seriously. the thing is i love him , he loves me . BUt he doesnt want to be with me anymore because i stress him too much out. And today he told me , that we wont kiss or do anything with me because i get angry cuz we arent together. The problem is. He seeks contact with me. That hurts my heart so much. Im really not the one calling him first. And my depression is not helping me either. How can i be friends with somebody when all i want is kiss them and tell them how much i love them....its really difficult You cannot be friends with him when all you want is more than that.It will break you even more .He is right you cannot do all those things .EvenIf he was dowm with it ,its not right for you. Well,maybe make this is an opportunity for your owm healing.Clinging on will probably not help either.If you give it space, there you will show him that you are working on your issues and maybe you can start from scratch but for now backing off seems to be a wise option.
basil67 Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 i broke up with him the first time becausse of all the little things , and i was too immmature to think that he wouldnt take it seriously. the thing is i love him , he loves me . BUt he doesnt want to be with me anymore because i stress him too much out. And today he told me , that we wont kiss or do anything with me because i get angry cuz we arent together. The problem is. He seeks contact with me. That hurts my heart so much. Im really not the one calling him first. And my depression is not helping me either. How can i be friends with somebody when all i want is kiss them and tell them how much i love them....its really difficult If there were a heap of little things, then you were right to end it. And if you're now stressing him out, then obviously those issues still aren't solved to your satisfaction...and he's right to walk away. You're completely correct that you can't be friends with someone you still love. As hard as it is, you need to tell him this. Tell him that you need to cease all contact so that you can get over him. Block his number, texts and social media. It's going to hurt terribly, but you must put in him the past if you are to move forward.
SammySammy Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 Sounds like both you and him would be better served by you taking some time to get yourself together. Deal with your mental health. Reflect on what relationships mean to you and how you will approach having a great one (whether that is with this guy or not).
Author slayhunty Posted November 2, 2016 Author Posted November 2, 2016 thanks guys , yeah for now i think i will most deffinetly avoid contact with him. i really need to work on myself. I have another big issue. I live alone in a big city and my family is 4 hours of flightaway . I cannot leave right now because of my job and exams. Any tips how to cope with everything?
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