Should I Sell My House For Her?

[MrJones]

I am 35 and have been dating since I was 18. I usually had a girlfriend (not bragging - just clarifying that I enjoyed being in a relationship). I didnt stand for games though or "settling for someone" which led to having several relationships over the years. I now have found someone that I truly enjoy being with. She and I can go fishing, shopping, home projects, hang out with friends, or whatever and we really have a good time. We have been together for 2 years, have our own places, she has 2 children 10 and 15. Now for the few problems.

 

Problem #1 is: I own a house which was my grandmothers. The home was willed to my mother and she sold it to me for about 1/3 of its marketable value. The house is not the largest (about 1000 sq ft main floor rambler with another 650 sq ft in a finished family room downstairs), but it is on a lake which I really enjoy. The problem is: My girlfriends dreamhouse is not even close to this. She would like me to sell it within the next few years to buy a house together which is "ours". She says she feels the house I am in now is "mine". I really enjoy the house but she says she wouldnt be happy here. I do have neighbors and live in town. Her dream house is in the country, has outbuildings, and a few acres (without neighbors within 100 feet).

 

Problem #2 is: I have a large group of friends and know quite a few people. Often times on weekends people get together for dinner out, a few drinks at one of the local establishments, or go to others homes and play cards. When she is not able to come with, either due to working late or is not able to find a sitter for the 10 year old, she does not like me to go without her. This coming weekend some guys are having a poker party and I will be going. Some of the guys wives or girlfriends will be there as well. She does not want me going because "it's not just the guys" as she put it. With the busy summers, I dont get much chance to see the "gang" and this weekend will be a perfect opportunity. She doesnt want me to go because she does not have a sitter and she cant come with. I will be going from 7pm until 1AM. Just stating the facts for your comments.

 

There are a few other issues but I understand those are minor and she and I can handle them. The 2 problems above are not easily so dealt with by me and I am wondering if I am being unfair. I dont think I am, thus the post here. I dont want to sell my house, as I think it would be a huge slap in the face to my parents, as they really like the house and locaiton as well. Regarding problem #2, I do not go to these "outings" often, maybe 3 or 4 times of the 10 get togethers a year, and I dont think I should have to accommodate her "I cant go because it's not just the guys". Given, I do have a history of not standing for rediculous accusations or action, which is why I have resorted to a forum for my peers to comment on.

 

I truly enjoy when I am with her - but when it comes to going to visit friends when she cant go with I feel she doesnt trust me. And as for the house, I dont want to sell because it was a gift primarily, and secondly I really enjoy it. Even if I were to even consider selling it, it wouldnt be for at least 5 years into our relationship, but truthfully I dont see me changing my mind. I am quite intelligent and pracitical, but in the case of relationships sometimes intelligence and practical have no business in the same sentence as the word "relationship". Ha ha.

 

What do you think? Should I go play cards with my friends even if she cant come with? Should I sell my house so she can have her dream home?

 

Thank you in advace to all of you for your comments.

[dresden]

Don't sell the house. Make it your "weekend" house. Let her redecorate or something. Sell her house instead.

 

Go to the party but call her about a bezillion times and tell her you miss her and wish she was there. Let her talk to some of the other people. Or find her a babysitter. There must be someone you can bribe.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

No !!

 

You will hate yourself when selling the house isn't enough for her and/or she dumps you ..

 

The key word here is " girlfriend " when she becomes your wife or you guys get engaged then consider it. or like was mentioned by the other poster make it your Second Home and rent it so you keep the asset till you guys get more serious

[shygurl]

First off, I'm assuming if she's talking about you 2 buying a dreamhouse together, that you 2 have discussed a longterm future together? marriage? have you?

 

If you're not at that stage yet to consider marriage, then of course you shouldn't be considering selling your home for a girlfriend. Though she did say a few years from then.

 

If she does see a future with you, I can understand where she's coming from about the house - your house sounds pretty small for 4 people....and a lot of women dream their whole life about their dreamhouse - so I can see where she's coming from, totally. However, I do understand the position you're in - your house has a lot of sentimental value, it's more than 'just a house.' Could you ever sell it to someone in your family so that it stays in the family? I do understand that for a lot of women, it's nice to buy a home together...........that's JUSt the 2 of yours.....where you make memories together, decorate together, it's fun and exciting and special.

 

Now about her having issues with you going out with your friends.........I think she's got some definite issues here. I don't understand why she'd have a problem with you going over to this poker party if other girlfriends/wives are going to be there...........I mean, these aren't just single girls from a frat house, they're obviously the wives and girlfriends of the guys there (therefore, not single). Sounds like she's quite insecure, maybe a bit controlling? Was she cheated on in the past?

 

You should definitely GO to this poker party - if you've never given her any reason to mistrust you, you shouldn't give up your life/friends just to suit her. It's rather selfish of her to expect you to miss out on things all because she's not able to go. I see this as a bit of a red flag and something I hope you 2 would work out way before you ever considered marriage.

[norcaldivr]

Have you thought of renting the house ? If you purchased it for 1/3 of it's market value you should be able to rent it for a positive cash flow. Even if you need to borrow against it for the downpayment on the new love nest the rent may cover the payments. It would be an excellent investment and if need be you can come back to it.

 

Is there some other reason she doesn't want you to hang on to it ???

[quankanne]

don't give up the house, but keep it as your weekend/vacation home. With two kids, a lakehouse will be a godsend, giving y'all someplace to go kick back, should the two of you do get married. If not, then the question is moot. But don't give up your inheritance, just keep it as your rainy day bank, you know?

 

as for the not spending time with friends without her in tow ... I never did understand how couples could ask that of each other. Yes, it's nice being able to do things together, with others, but it's equally nice not having my husband tagging along when I want to go be with friends and I know he's just going to be bored. Same with his interests: I don't feel I should have to be stuck doing something I'm not interested in doing, and both of us are okay with that, because we trust each other. Sounds to me your girl doesn't really trust you or situations you may find yourself in, even if it's only your buddies. Talk to her about it, let her know that you are all right with the idea of y'all having separate interests or spending time with friends without the other necessarily being there, and that it doesn't mean you care any less about her. I don't think it's asking too much to have a couple of hours away with your friend if she can't or won't be able to come with. That's part of growing up.

[westernxer]

Agreed. DO NOT sell the house.

[Jennifer'sSecret]

DO NOT sell that house! It's a part of the family, you enjoy it, and it will be a wonderful place for you to escape to either when you need a break/vacation or if/when the relationship ends. Sell her house instead, and rent out your house when it's not in use and reap the benefit of some extra cash.

 

DO NOT SELL THAT HOUSE!

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Can you help her find a babysitter? I have a friend in a similar situation where he goes out, and she gets upset because she can't find a sitter. I even offered to babysit but so far no call and I'd love to sit for her so they can go out together.

 

For now, keep the house and in the future, turn it into a vacation home, to share with the rest of your family.

 

If you do get married or decide to cohabitate, then I hope she at least gives you fair input into "her" dreamhome.

 

If you get married, I don't see anything wrong with selling your house and putting the money towards your future plans with your wife/kids.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Agree.

 

Don't sell - RENT!

[legaleagle]

DO NOT----DO NOT----DO NOT SELL THE HOUSE!!!! it is separate property now, which is why she considers it as "yours". you damn right its yours!!! if you sell and then mix that money into hers for "HER' dream house, then that money becomes "ours", which means she has claim to a lot of your assets, since you voluntarily commingled your separate property into the community property.

 

your mother didnt sell you that place at a loss to please your GF. renting is ok, if you can tolerate it. renters are not the greatest for taking care of property, but there are some financial advantages and write offs, if, you can stand the crap that accompanies it.

 

Go to the poker party...she should understand that you cant just dump your friends. she sounds controlling, and you might need to step back from the picture and take a long look. She wants security, and thinks its in you. as always, plan for the worst and hope for the best. What would she say if you told her this was "your ' dream house?? sorry for the cynical sounding post, but at 54% divorce rate, it pays to be careful.

 

DO NOT MAKE GRANDMA ROLL OVER IN HER GRAVE-----DO NOT SELL!!!!!!!!!Lakefront??? Sell??? You Have to be kidding.

[HokeyReligions]

Agree - don't sell the house. You can work out compromises later. If its financial, then maybe you can add her dream additions later.

 

Tell her how important it is for you to spend some time with the 'gang' and that its really concerning you about her feelings in the matter too -- you are not trying to disregard her, but this is important and it would be nice for her to be supportive. Perhaps offer to sit with her kids for a night so she can go out with her 'gang' sometime and/or plan a special night for the two of you later on.