Author starry81 Posted December 24, 2016 Author Posted December 24, 2016 He just had a bouquet of flowers and chocolates delivered to me. I tried to reject them but the delivery man (elderly) said I was making things difficult for him and told me to just leave them at the doorstep if I didn't want them. They are expensive. This is stirring up a whole bunch of mixed feelings in me. I have blocked twelve numbers now, I have not replied to a single message for weeks. I've been doing good. I was feeling very down, but I know that is a normal part of recovery - this is setting me back again. I felt surprised, happy, guilty (guilty that I'm happy and guilty for receiving and not thanking), frustrated. I would appreciate some kind advice.
Shazma Posted December 24, 2016 Posted December 24, 2016 You don't need to feel guilty for being happy. You deserve to be happy as a person, and you work hard for you to be happy. There is also no need to feel guilty for "receiving without thanks". Those flowers are not sent to you out of affection, but actually is a form of harassment, intended by the sender to cause you feelings of confusion and guilt. There is no need to thank that type of delivery as you did not ask for it. 1
PinkElephants Posted December 24, 2016 Posted December 24, 2016 This is manipulation, pure and simple. He bought the flowers and chocolate so you'd contact him to say thank you. If you don't respond then he'll contact you asking if you got them or berating you for not appearing grateful. He might have spent $200 on roses but what will it cost you in peace of mind and sanity? Buy a bottle of wine, invite your best friend over and get drunk while eating the chocolates. Take the bouquet apart and give the flowers to your friend, coworkers, barista, or a stranger who looks like they need a pick-me-up. When he crosses your mind allow yourself a small smile because, somewhere out there, he's going crazy because you didn't react the way he wanted. He's probably ripping his hair out trying to plot a new way to get the attention that you've now given to more worthy causes. Then shake him from your mind, smile bigger and get on with whatever awesome thing you're doing because you're free of him. 1
Bromeo Posted December 24, 2016 Posted December 24, 2016 Starry, If I may, let me start by saying he is completely manipulative, wrong, and awful for his treatment of you. Your ex knows that he is pulling on your emotions. My only comment is to say what the others have said. By responding, even in a negative way, you are supplying him with attention and hope. If you truly want to be finished, you must concretely decide for yourself not to respond to anything that is offered. For perspective, my ex pushed and pulled me until I thought I was going crazy. She would text, then ignore. I love you/I wish you'd go away. Breakup sex/disappear. Best one? My current boyfriend wears a hoodie/you look very handsome/get out/love song next day. Lemme tell you how that sucked. Find solace in the good people on here. It takes some sifting, as there are some very lost souls, but the advice is solid when everyone says the same thing, and you are honest about the circumstances. Online hugs. Dave
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