vb140 Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 So my boyfriend finished with me almost 3 weeks ago after saying he cant cope with the fact i have a son who isnt amazingly behaved (hes just turned 6) also the fact ill always be in contact with his dad. He also said after a year he doesn't feel like hes getting much out of the relationship. (He gets very stressed and i dont earn alot of money so can never help out finacially) He treated me to alot this year, a holiday to Dubai, New York, really nice meals, hotels in London etc...He's got a high standard of living and me being a single mum beauty therapist just cant afford it as much as i try. He also said it would be nice to chat to someone about his work who understands and is able to give him advice. We have got a lot of history, we met in Ibiza 2008 and kissed, we then dated again in 2012 and then he contacted me in 2015 and we actually became a couple. Ive always liked him and felt like the luckiest girl in the world to be with him, he made me laugh and i loved spending time with him. Things wern't 100% perfect, I know that but i could deal with it! He was insecure and always thought i was texting or snapchatting other people even though i couldnt do or say enough to let him know he is the only man for me! He got moody when he was stressed and took it out on me quite alot, never got vielent, just moodyand made me feel bad that i wasnt there for him as i lived 2 hours away. Anyway, I am struggling like you wouldnt believe! I keep crying, everything reminds me of himand its especially hard as this time last year we were really, really good as we'd just started dating and i keep thinking of times we shared this time last year I messaged him last week and he replied, He said he was sorry for hurting me. I poured my heard out to him and i could tell he felt bad. I asked if we could meet up and at first he said no as it would cause more heartache but then after me pleading with him he agreed to meet me last friday night. We had the best night, went to all the bars that we used to go to and laughed, we didn't really talk much about the break up until we both had too much to drink and we both ended up in tears. I had been in hospital and he got really upset that he hadnt been there when i needed him the most. He said it was really great to see me and that i looked amazing! He was in a much better place than when i'd seen him the last time which was a few days before he ended it. He said he had been finding it really tough and his friend had come over and actually taken pics down of me to help him. That night t was just like we were back together, he called me babe again and was touchy feely and affectionate with me again. We slept together that night and when we both woke up, the first thing he did was cuddle me and we slept together again. Since then ive messaged him and he's replied, i asked if we could meet up sunday but he said we couldnt as he was busy. He sent me a pic of me that he'd taken of me on friday and i said id love to do it again as it was such a good night. He said yes it was very fun but didnt say yes or no about doing it again. I put on a snapchat of my pumpkin and he messaged taking the piss. I said huh! Id like to see yours haha and he said are we still talking about pumpkins? I said i was yes but id like to see whatever it was that you had in mind ;-) He didnt reply to that and that was the last we spoke, that was Sunday. Ive been in bits since but im taking everyones advice, staying strong and not messaging him. I had booked flights for us for to go to Dublin later this month and i really want to ask him to still come with me, I had told him i was taking a friend but im not now as its too expensive to change the name on the flights. Thank you so much for reading this....any advise would be appreciated! I want to message him so badly and for him to say he wants to see me again! I miss him so much. Thank you xx
stillafool Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 Your child should be your first priority and any man who can't get along with him or can't accept him should not be in your life. It sounds like you are now chasing after this man and for no reason. He will not get back with you and it's very doubtful he will marry you because of your son. Why are you even considering this man? 2
Author vb140 Posted November 1, 2016 Author Posted November 1, 2016 Because i love him, so so much! Ill never meet anyone who makes me feel like he did or who i care about as much as i did him. The thought of sitting having a date with someone else makes me feel sick! Its him i want, I look at him and just melt! I know that if he spends more time with my son then he will come around to the idea! There are loads of people that wouldn't want to date anyone with a child. I cant blame him for that
Kelley Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 The thing is he has to decide he wants to spend more time with your son. He has to decide he wants to give you another try. If he isn't calling, banging down your door well he isn't deciding anything is he? I would go NC and stop chasing someone that doesn't want to be caught at the moment. I know it hurts like hell but you have to think about your own wellbeing, look to move on and heal. 1
sooshi Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 (edited) Ill never meet anyone who makes me feel like he did or who i care about as much as i did him. So, that includes your son? You care more about this man more than your son. Sad. There's nothing in your post that indicates love from either end. Sure, he paid for trips (because he could afford it), spouted some nice words, and was physically affectionate with you. That's nice, but he got moody a lot and took it out on you. He wasn't there for you when you needed him the most. He was very insecure and constantly thought you were in contact with other men. Also, you seem to believe you care more about him than anyone else--and that includes your son. Almost your entire post was focused on this man, when your son should be the priority. Look into co-dependency. You're confusing love for co-dependency. Co-dependency isn't love, nor is it healthy. You need to focus on your son. Have you ever considered that maybe he hasn't been behaving so well because he his mother isn't giving him the love he needs? That he can tell she isn't there for him when he needs it most and that it's because she's so googly-eyed for a man who doesn't even like him or treat his mommy well? Edited November 1, 2016 by sooshi 1
Author vb140 Posted November 1, 2016 Author Posted November 1, 2016 Thank you, I appreciate your replies! Of course I will always put my son first! He actually really liked my Ex as although my ex struggled with accepting him, he was never nasty too him and gave him the manly rough and tumble that he doesn't get from me! I don't go on about my son in my post as its not about my son, I'm asking for advice on how to get over my ex, as I really want to. The love I have for my son and my ex are totally different!? Please don't make me out to be a bad mother, my son will never ever go without and gets a lot of love from me!
sooshi Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 Of course I will always put my son first! He actually really liked my Ex as although my ex struggled with accepting him, he was never nasty too him and gave him the manly rough and tumble that he doesn't get from me! Be with someone who doesn't need to struggle to accept your child, a six-year-old boy. What do you mean that he was never too nasty to him? Why would you even allow a man to be around your so who is nasty to him at all? If this man was good to him, he would have pointed that out, rather than saying he was never too nasty to him. In other words, this man didn't show love and respect to your son. Sure, you say you love your son. Now, show it through your choices--and that includes the partner you choose. You get over this man by recognizing that you love your son, and that you want the best for him. That you put him first. That includes providing for him the best role model of a man who can be his father--not someone who was "never too nasty to him" or the "manly rough and tumble." Your son is six. He doesn't need rough and tumble. He needs love and complete acceptance, not a man who struggles to accept him. Your son might get a lot of love from you, but if you're going to have a partner, make sure that your son gets a lot of love (and acceptance) from the man, too. Not someone who is moody, takes it out on you, isn't there when you need him most, is never too nasty to your son (ie., doesn't respect him), or struggles to accept your son. 2
Author vb140 Posted November 1, 2016 Author Posted November 1, 2016 You're so right, I just hope I meet someone that I love as much as I loved my ex and that loves me back, and my son. Seems a big ask but i'm praying one day it will happen. Thank you
sooshi Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 I know it hurts now, and it might be hard to see it, but it's best that this man is gone from your life. There are plenty of men out there who will love, cherish, and respect both you and your son. In the meantime, stay single for a while and work on developing your self-worth. Learn to build healthy boundaries and enforce them. Therapy would be very helpful. Make a list of what you want in a partner. What does a loving partner/relationship look like to you? Remember, your choices don't affect only you; they affect your son, too. I am sure you someday you will meet a man who loves both you and your son deeply, and that you'll look back at this man and can't believe you ever allowed him around! It's an important lesson that you're learning, to learn to making loving, nourishing choices for you and your son. But, this will be after taking quite some time to work on yourself, so that you don't make these same poor choices again, and instead you'll make choices that are in the best interest of you and your son. Take care. 2
BluesPower Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 I will repeat what stillafool said. Your child always, always, always comes first. If a man has an issue with a woman that has a child, then you have to move on. Everyone know that when a woman has a child that is part of the package. You may have a great time when you get to play "Single/No kids" but when the child get to be a burden (and I use that term loosely) he has an issue with it. So think about that. I know that you are not a woman that would sacrifice your relationship with your child for a man.
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