kittiehehe676 Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 I guess I just needed to post this to vent and see what everyone had to say. I was in a relationship before my current one and was cheated on, abused, and I ultimately figured with a therapist he had a personality disorder. Fast forward, I am with a new person and he is good to me. I don't think he has ever given me a reason to not trust him. I am still struggling with insecurities and how to fix them. I actually am going to go back to therapy to learn how to fix this. Honestly, I don't even know if I have trusted people in the right way because in previous relationships I went through their phones and had to constantly be reassured, but there were times where I would actually find stuff... Anyways, with my current Boyfriend I was pressing my insecurities on him, and by posting on a forum, people pointed out I was pressing those on him and it was my responsibility to reign those In. I think now sometimes I feel like he hides things from me. I had a discussion with my current boyfriend that I noticed he does not seem to open his phone around me when he has notifications. I do sometimes I guess and felt like maybe that was an impending sign someone has something to hide. At one point, I noticed that he always took his phone to the bathroom. At one point, I noticed he closed his phone out around me if I walked into the room. Now he didn't do it every single time, but a lot of the times I noticed that and he has been like that from the beginning. How do I distinguish between someone being private and actually hiding things? He has always been this way and I don't know if I'm just trying to look for something that isn't there. I have discussed these things with him as he knows I struggle. He made the comment he gets nervous because I always comment who is that or who are you talking to? and that when I walk into the room he tried to pay attention to me... I realized I was being excessive and have backed off from it because I figured that was annoying, but sometimes I ask but not to be insecure. From what I got from him is that he was nervous because I guess he felt like he was getting in trouble or what not and felt like someone was always trying to see what he was doing. He says it is his phone and his privacy and I get all Of that. On top of that, it is really annoying because he is always on his phone. I honestly think he is addicted to facebook because he checks the thing all the time as well as instagram. How should I go about this to realize he is not hiding things from me? Rather to distinguish between someone is hiding things and just private or am I over thinking it all? Is it because I am insecure that I look for these things because I don't want to be hurt and looking for something that is not there ? Please help!
Gaeta Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 When you know you are insecure. When you know you've been cheated on before. When you know you can't deal with someone that is not fully transparent THEN * Don't date men that are always on social media * Don't date men that take their phone to the washroom * Don't date men that won't look at their phone in front of you You got rid of one cheating loser so why do you start dating another man that is connected to his phone and act secretive?
gorf Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 So you are backing off cause you dont want to bother him, annoy him, make him think you are thinking things. Etc. But.. maybe he has mad you that way. What does he have to hide? If its no big deal, nobody, just notifications on daily activity and all that... what is the big deal of you looking and feeling better about it. Why does he not want to reassure you? Cause he cant? I do find it fishy. I have nothing to hide on my phone, if a text or call or email comes through.. I dont care if someone sees it. But... if I were chatting with a stripper on skype, or had a secret admirer etc.. then I would act exactly like this bf is. If he has nothing to hide, absolutely nothing, then he would not be so protective.
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