birdgirl Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Should I be honest about the number of sexual partners I've had? If I say I don't want to talk about it, he may assume the worst. If I'm honest, he may change his opinion of me. I know, I know, I shouldn't be with someone who would judge me. But let's face it... it happens. If he doesn't judge me, I know it will still bother him a lot.
smile95 Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 there was just a thread about this not too long ago....try and do a search for it.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 If you give a number it should be an honest number or about the right number. If you think that your number might scare the other person off then you aren't in a good enough place in your relationship yet and you should discuss with them that you don't talk about those things until you feel more comfortable talking about them... I have always told the truth when asked
orta Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Honesty in any matter is often the best policy. People will form their own opinions of others no matter what. If the number of sexual partners you have had does not enter into someone's opinion of you, something else will.
Zaira Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 I don't understand what a number has to do with anything. The number of people I have slept with does not at all reflect how I am going to be in a relationship. It is not something I would ask or expect to be asked of me.
Tony427 Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Also if you lie about the number you might tell the wrong lie LOL. Some guys want experienced girls and some want 'pure' girls. Better off just telling him the truth so if you lose him you know you lost him for real reasons
Cecelius Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Do you need to talk about it? Is he asking? Real men don't ask unless there's reason to. Of course it matters to him to some extent, but most smart men don't bother asking unless they have some clue that its an issue. If it's not bad, then don't lie. If its bad, then don't lie. Just explain your position on it, whatever it is, and go from there. Oh, but if you're not going to disclose, which is your prerogative, just be kind enough to make sure that you aren't making your b/f hang around with dudes you've been with. That's just low
RecordProducer Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 The question is: how many is too many? You think that it's just a stupid rule of honesty that you shouldn't lie, but trust me it's more than that. I've had more partners than my ex-husband and the BF after him. They knew it and were not bothered probably because I haven't had too many of them. But my ex-husband had this thing with being a "good girl" that bothered me and the ex-BF was the type of guy that would never have even one thought about another woman as long as he loves his GF. That sounds pretty good, but he was totally non-exciting in the sack. He was the type of guy who wouldn't go down on me unless he makes sure I took a shower before that. He didn't touch my body unless we were in bed. So anyway... I meet my current BF and he is all over me, making me feel like a queen. And the sex with him is AMAZING! He has had many (I mean many) women. When I told him I had around 15 men, he said it was nothing. With him I can be totally free, I can be nasty and not be afraid that I am being a "bad girl." My desire for him doesn't scare him and for the first time in my life I can be bad and feel good about it. So the conclusion is, you need to be with someone who appreciates you the way you are, because at the end you will feel the difference between the two of you. If you have had many partners, if you're sexual, you will feel that you have to hide your high sex drive, your desire to experiment, and your sexuality will make you feel guilty. There is no pleasure in being with someone and feeling that you can't be yourself, because you're going to be judged.
Cecelius Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 He won't care about a high sex drive, which is great, all he'll care about is how far its been spread... There are no objective numbers -- everyone has an idea of how many is too many. Just don't make an issue of it* and if he does, ask him why he's dopey enough to care. In my dating experience, I have noticed a large number of women (dunno about men, cause I don't date them) who absolutely love to volunteer information and then are SHOCKED when you start thinking poorly of them. So just be discrete and respectful about what's happened before. And if he makes an issue about it, he's probably not for you.
RecordProducer Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius And if he makes an issue about it, he's probably not for you. I absolutely agree, as much as it sounds unimportant, it is very much important for a relationship that the partners are on the same level regarding sexuality. Shrinks say the three most important components are: intellectual, emotional, and sexual compatibility. In simple words, partners should exchange affection, make love, and have conversations on the same level. If you have had many partners, he doesn't need to think you've had too few, but "who cares?"
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