CT98 Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 About this time last year I went on around 4 dates with a woman. I don't find myself attracted to many people, so when I found this lady I was over the moon. She was near enough everything I think I was looking for and we got on really really well; we had slept together, had lots of fun, had shed loads in common, we liked the same music and films, disliked the same stuff and just generally shared a lot of the same views on most things. Then it went wrong, I think I was too intense, but I can't be too sure because she pretty much disappeared without any explanation. Now that's all done and dusted, but the problem is I'm still not over her, after a freakin' year! What's up with that? I've been through proper break ups, and this is nowhere near the pain of those, but I think about her everyday, sometimes still feel quite upset about it, but I also have days where I think 'oh well, she just wasn't right for me. She's wasn't that great'. It's not adversely affecting my life, other than sometimes feeling a bit crappy. I've dated casually since then, but I'm yet to meet someone who does/did it for me like she did. I know since we didn't have a proper relationship, and I didn't even know her that well that a lot of is probably fantasy on behalf of me, thinking about what a great relationship it would've been, when in reality I don't know if that's true. I also know that it could be because I haven't met anyone else who's knocked my socks off that I feel this way. But when all is said and done, I think the truth of it is I'm still just really gutted it didn't work out. Has anyone else felt like this about someone? Am I weird? Or do we all have the 'one that got away'? It's tough trying to decipher one's own feelings when it comes to the heart.
Larryville Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 I don't find myself attracted to many people, so when I found this lady I was over the moon. Exactly like myself I tend to focus too much on someones flaws. Unfortunate personality trait for me... She was near enough everything I think I was looking for and we got on really really well; we had slept together, had lots of fun, had shed loads in common, we liked the same music and films, disliked the same stuff and just generally shared a lot of the same views on most things. Then it went wrong, I think I was too intense, but I can't be too sure because she pretty much disappeared without any explanation. Dude trust me, not weird. Almost identical to a situation, woman I was with did a quick pull away. While she was not specific about the issue, may have had something to do with some dude as we were getting to know each other was seriously harassing her, still leaving flowers at her doorstep and other jacked up stuff. Bottom line I made a comment basically saying “if dude did not back off I was going to put my foot in this dudes….” LOL! She was a very religious person, very passive and wanted to try and “negotiate” with this dude and I have a short fuse. That was a year and a half ago. Like you, date off and on but NOBODY has come close to her in terms of someone who pressed all my buttons. Dating and finding “the right one” is already so freaking hard and I knew when I met her she was 1 in a million type and I did get intense with her (totally counter to my personality) right away. But I blew it! So like you been spinning my wheels ever since and I’ve likely lost out on other nice ladies cause I do the “comparison” thing. Before her compared everyone to my ex wife. Not weird, is tough no answers on how to move on. Just keep looking for the next treasure find I guess.
Marco Valerio Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 Maybe you're a little obsessed with her because you're spinning around the wheel over and over again. You're feeling dizzy. You need to focus your attention in something else, not necessarily on a woman. You're as weird as anybody else.
preraph Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 About this time last year I went on around 4 dates with a woman. I don't find myself attracted to many people, so when I found this lady I was over the moon. She was near enough everything I think I was looking for and we got on really really well; we had slept together, had lots of fun, had shed loads in common, we liked the same music and films, disliked the same stuff and just generally shared a lot of the same views on most things. Then it went wrong, I think I was too intense, but I can't be too sure because she pretty much disappeared without any explanation. Now that's all done and dusted, but the problem is I'm still not over her, after a freakin' year! What's up with that? I've been through proper break ups, and this is nowhere near the pain of those, but I think about her everyday, sometimes still feel quite upset about it, but I also have days where I think 'oh well, she just wasn't right for me. She's wasn't that great'. It's not adversely affecting my life, other than sometimes feeling a bit crappy. I've dated casually since then, but I'm yet to meet someone who does/did it for me like she did. I know since we didn't have a proper relationship, and I didn't even know her that well that a lot of is probably fantasy on behalf of me, thinking about what a great relationship it would've been, when in reality I don't know if that's true. I also know that it could be because I haven't met anyone else who's knocked my socks off that I feel this way. But when all is said and done, I think the truth of it is I'm still just really gutted it didn't work out. Has anyone else felt like this about someone? Am I weird? Or do we all have the 'one that got away'? It's tough trying to decipher one's own feelings when it comes to the heart. You mentioned the fantasy part. That's the crux of it. She ticked a lot of boxes for you of the ideal woman, but on her end, she knew you were not the right man for her -- so that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you at all. It just means we all have different things we want in another person. She knew you were not the right one for her, so consequently, now that you know that, you must accept that she was right and that she wasn't the right one for you either. But she was close -- you're getting close and that's doing better than a lot of us in finding what we like! So chin up and don't let it rattle your cage. You'll find someone else. 1
insert_name Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 If you are weird that makes me weird too. I was in the same situation- just 4 dates yet I had a seriously bad crush on a girl and even though she was long gone it took me about 9 months to get to the point where she wasn't on my mind and I stopped wondering what I might have done better or how I would have had to change to make her want me It does change though, eventually. As someone on another forum once said: Today, she is just a shadow against the horizon in your rearview mirror and as you drive further forward as each day passes she gets smaller and smaller until one day she is gone and you can see just the horizon.
Herbalist Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 Yes sometimes life is just like that. I have been on both sides of it when I was younger. One time I was the one who disappeared. I could have agreed that the two of us had a lot in common even in some uncanny ways, and there was nothing I felt I disliked about him. But I just could feel no closeness with him, not really anyway. I felt no bond between us. I was locked within myself and I could see the outer signs that he was very attached while I was not attached at all. And I also knew that if I tried to explain it that he would just try to argue and fight for me which I did not want to see him go through. I have also been on the other side of it when I was younger as well. It was painful but I also understood from my other experience.
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