sunshine2 Posted November 8, 2016 Posted November 8, 2016 It's good that it has been a while since she broke up with her last BF. Sometimes we get used to being alone, and then being with someone takes a lot of effort and you have to get used to that again. I know that happens to me. I just started dating someone and at first, I was like WOW, do I want to invest this much time into him. And of course I do, it just takes me a bit of time to get into the flow of that again. Just a thought, might not be the case for her. Also, if she was really hurt by her last BF's actions, she may be a bit gun shy. You seem like a really nice guy, someone who wil treat her right, so hopefully she sees that too. Good luck and keep us posted.
olivetree Posted November 8, 2016 Posted November 8, 2016 I think at this point you should let her come to you. It sounds like you do all of the instigating and she is needing space. I think you are right that this may be going too fast for her. Sometimes women feel overwhelmed by a guy, perhaps because he was too available too soon. She may still not be over her ex and comparing the two of you. If he was rejecting of her and you are overly complimentary, it may repel her. She might feel like you don't know her well enough to give her those compliments and that you are desperate and needy. Not saying you are those things by the way. Giving her space and not tolerating hot and cold behaviour will show her that you are not, in fact, desperate and needy.
phineas Posted November 9, 2016 Posted November 9, 2016 (edited) Hey thanks for the reply. Yeah I completely agree. We've had some real good chemistry and we always laugh and have lots of little in jokes. I genuinely really like her as a person. She's lovely. And obviously my attracted to her as well. Yes as for the sex... she certainly seemed very complimentary and was eager for us to be intimate again. Which can only be a good thing. Yeah I have told her about being off next week and that I'd like to spend some time with her as we are both off work. But I do respect she has a lot on. And I'd even be willing to help her with her move etc. Well as much as I could. As for her last relationship. She was telling me that she split up from him in January of this year. So ten months ago. And said that although she stayed with him for a good while. He paid her little or no compliments, never made any effort to make her feel special and everything seemed to be on his terms. Which winds me up as I could never has that little self respect. Especially as she is so nice. I just get the impression this past 2 days now that I'm in her way not really on her mind much. And there is only so much I can do. I've told her how I feel. If she does genuinely think it's run its course, then I'll be upset and probably down in thr dumps for a day week month etc. But I'd put it down as a life lesson I suppose. but I don't think we're at that stage just yet. Maybe I'll call her tomorrow. I can't believe i'm saying this but this is the type of woman that Cory Wayne advice works on. At this stage in the game you should only be concerned with railing her as much as possible and stop the lovey-dovey relationship crap. 3 weeks dude. You don't know jack about her yet you've planned a future with her. she notices this. You are acting needy and clingy always wanting to spend time with her but not trying to sleep with her every time you see her. You keep chasing her. I can promise you by the way she is acting every guy she fell for made her work for his attention. Hell, she told you he treated her like a bag of dogfood. yet she stayed with him. What does that tell you? Take a step back and let her come to you. And when she does, you tell her to come to yours. proceed to sex her good. Then be "busy" for a few days. rinse/repeat. Edited November 9, 2016 by phineas 1
Author LeaGreenLad88 Posted November 9, 2016 Author Posted November 9, 2016 Thanks for the advice guys. She rang me last night. We chatted for out 45 minutes on the phone. Rambled a bit and laughed.. She went on to say that she doesn't want anything serious just now. Which I didn't find surprising. I don't think there is anything much I can do now. It appears maybe I was too eager and tried too hard. However she carried on texting me last night. I replied a bit. But nothing too substantial and I think she probably knows she's got to me a bit. I don't really know were to go from here. I know she has a busy schedule over the next 3 weeks. She is moving and is working a hell of a lot. I knew this from day one. She did say that she just doesn't know what she wants. And she's hectic over thr next month. So it leaves me to think to myself. Do I just brush things off. Have a day of dissapointment in my own mind. And thrn just quickly try forget her? And ignore her completely if she tries to get in touch. Or do I keep an open mind about it, and maybe play a waiting game and cool off but keep her maybe as a plan b and maybe try just play it cool with her and maybe slowly initiate something for a bit further down line.
sunshine2 Posted November 9, 2016 Posted November 9, 2016 I had a feeling that might be the case. She doesn't want a BF right now, so that is why she is hot and cold. Sounds like she isn't that into you either, sorry to say. She probably likes the attention and sex and just wants that, nothing more from you, so basically a FWB. My suggestion since you are into her, is to stop contacting her all together. If she reaches out to you, I would reply, but be very basic, no flirting or asking her out anymore. Move on...you deserve better.
Author LeaGreenLad88 Posted November 9, 2016 Author Posted November 9, 2016 My feeling on it is that she seems to have had a change of heart fairly quickly. She seems a bit too insecure at the minute. Almost as if she doesn't know what she wants at all. She wanted to make sure I knew she didn't want anything serious. But didn't seem to be conflicted by it when we were talking. I've told her I like her a lot. And value her company. She's just under 3 weeks away from moving house. Still in thr local area I should add. She's got a full time job and has your dedicate time to study. The fact she still wanted to speak to me and txt a bit I suppose is something. But obviously right now doesn't want to be tied down or commit. Which tbf I was hardly suggesting anyway. Ahhh f%^k.... really not sure what I should do from here. I could.play the silent game. And see if anything comes from her..or perhaps put it down as a life experience and let her go.
phineas Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 talk is cheap. So is texting. Stop doing it over the phone. Only talk in person. Stop telling her you like her. Kiss of death.
Author LeaGreenLad88 Posted November 10, 2016 Author Posted November 10, 2016 Well it seems that it's gone well and truly West lol. Bit more contact last night. OK yes admittedly only by txt. Told her that I would like to see her next week or so, at some stage. Offered to pick her up, go for a coffee after work. But she just said ...' she'd let me know' and that she's busy until she moves. And then a bit later that she's happy to be single.. so yes she knows I like her, not just intimately but also for her personality and so on. The offer of doing something together is also there. Ah well. Not felt as despondent today if I am honest. The realization is starting to set in that I'm pretty unimportant to her, well certainly at the minute. We've gone from last weekend having great sex and being very close and cosy, to almost not even being friends. Think maybe, we shouldn't have been together as much as quickly after the original one night stand. Perhaps it's been far too intense and I've scared her off. She's told me so often that she thinks I'm good looking and attractive etc. But obviously looks and sex isn't everything. Some of you might advise me to get in touch with her again tonight... but I am half thinking now that I'd just be bugging her and disturbing her. Ahh sh^+.... never mind. The sun will still come up tomorrow.
thecrucible Posted November 10, 2016 Posted November 10, 2016 Rather than saying "want to go out sometime?", it's better to talk about something specific and have a plan ready. Maybe you know she likes a certain kind of food and you've heard of a new place opening, or you know of a gig happening in town? If you ask her to something specific, there's more of a buzz around the invitation as she can looks forward to the event and it comes across as thoughtful. I think I would feel awkward if a guy asked me if I wanted to go out with him but didn't suggest where. It'd be like he's waiting for me to take charge. I'm not saying men should go to ridiculous efforts but at the very least, it's good to know that he has something in mind as it makes you feel more comfortable and that he's interested in you. 1
sunshine2 Posted November 11, 2016 Posted November 11, 2016 Since you did ask her out for coffee after work and told her you would pick her up, that was specific enough. But because of the way she reacted by telling you she is happy being single, then I would leave this one alone for now. You did your best and she is basically not interested in a relationship right now. She may come around after she moves etc. But unless and until she does, I would move on.
dumbass2 Posted November 12, 2016 Posted November 12, 2016 I agree with others that at this point you just back off. You both have made it clear where you both are right now and you're not on the same page as far as a relationship goes. I would stop pursing as much as you are. She knows what you want, you've made that clear. You can't force someone to feel the same or wait around for them. I honestly think that she's just not into you the same way and is giving you excuses because she doesn't want to be the bad person.
Author LeaGreenLad88 Posted November 21, 2016 Author Posted November 21, 2016 Hey folks. Sorry to bump this. And apologies I haven't been on here for a little while. I haven't seen her physically now in just over 2 weeks. And the contact we've had has been pretty much non existent. I have well and truly backed off. And left her to it. She rang me on Wednesday last week, she told me that she'd been quiet because she'd had some personal shi+= re her dad's side of family. Which I do know is a trickyy one for her. But she only called after I text her. So she didn't initiate it. I am conflicted now to a degree. This past 4 or 5 days I have been fine. And not really given her a great deal of thought. Even been talking to one or two girls on Tinder. But part of me doesn't know whether I should maybe try get in touch one last time before she moves house in 4 days. Out of courtesy and to maybe ask if packing and preparing to move is going well. Others have said maybe just maybe, once she moves things may calm down for her a bit and she'll perhaps be a bit more receptive to the idea of being in contact or maybe even dating again. But my gut feeling is saying steer clear. But there is that last bit of doubt too. Ahhh damn.
ChatroomHero Posted November 21, 2016 Posted November 21, 2016 Ah, the "family issues" excuse for avoiding you. Don't fall for it, the excuses will only get lamer and more frustrating the more you try. Let her go. Waste of time. If you never called her again, you'd probably never hear from her again. So what would you expect would ever happen with her? She moved on, you should too.
Author LeaGreenLad88 Posted November 23, 2016 Author Posted November 23, 2016 Thanks for the advice. A tiny part of me still thinks , perhaps that one solitary txt maybe wishing her well with the move and so might be a good idea.... a nice touch. But conversely maybe just completely let it go. What's done is done type thing.
Author LeaGreenLad88 Posted November 24, 2016 Author Posted November 24, 2016 Thanks for all thr advice and stuff again.. I did send the txt just before. And my instinct was spot on. She said that she'd loved spending time together and that I was a lovely fella.. but didn't see it developing. Ah well. Damn. I suppose that's that. I know many of you thought I should have completely avoided that last txt. But I didn't feel right not doing it. Well that's that book closed off. It's not a heartbreak.. and I'll get over it pretty fast I guess. And at lesst she ler me know id done nothing wrong, which i feel better about. But I don't feel too good right now. Anyway thanks guys Xx
TheTraveler Posted November 24, 2016 Posted November 24, 2016 They already slept together. I disagree with everyone...she didn't care that she was doing the pursuing. OP then went after her and her response is still cold. My guess is she has dates with other guys...she is replying so you don't think she is rude but she is obviously busy with other things...or men. Yes, and he should have continued having sex with her multiple times when they met. He friendzoned himself and now she's gone.
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