Silent treatment....

[LeaGreenLad88]

Right first of all, some of you may think this is extremely daft and me jumping to daft conclusions. But..

 

Last weekend I met this girl out and about. In a bar. We were both a bit drunk, but despite that we got chatting and flirting.. she was very forward and eventually we kissed a few times and before long we were back in her house. It was a brilliant night, in thr sense that I met a real nice friendly, cute girl, and we had unbelievable sex. Not usually a big advocate of one night stands but I found it hard to resist.

 

Few days went by and we started texting... she told me that she enjoyed it, but it was not usually what she would do (same with me tbh) and said although she wanted to meet again, it needed to be much slower and in more of a date format. Which I like. And it means that at least she is interested.

 

About 5 days after that night, she txt me and was on her way back from work. I offered to pick her up, which she said yes to. And that happened. Has a little drive round. Got a burger lol..but it was fun. Wasn't a date obviously but nice to see her. No kiss or anything like that. Following night. She asked what I was doing. But I had to go on bit of a drive to drop a birthday card off. She asked if she could come with me. So she did. We had such a nice time again. Had a lot of laughs, and we really had a connection. Little kiss on thr lips when I dropped her home. Nothing major. After that she txt me telling me although it was early days... she really liked me and found me attractive and definitely wants to set up another date. But a proper date.... not just a drive. Ha

 

I was really bored yesterday (I didn't tell her that lol) and started to text her a lot. She invited me around to watch a horror film. Film was a bit lame tbh. But it was really nice. We sat next to each other, cuddled and it was amazing. Really cosy and I felt so comfortable with her.. it couldn't have been better. We kissed a few times before I went home. Few txts before bed as well.. great night. Really great night. We had by this point agreed to go and see a firework display at the weekend. Which I am looking forward to.

 

However. Today I haven't heard from her a single time. Not one message. She is normally first to txt me and tell.me how her day is and that small talk and stuff. But nothing today. No I am first to admit I am a bit lacking in confidence, and struggle sometimes with rejection. But I've been perfectly cool and not said anything to her to suggest otherwise. But I find it odd that after a really nice evening, which we spent at least 4 hours together okay has been completely blank.

 

But she is seeing her mum after work and stuff. And also has been jn her office for 8 or 9 hours. But that doesn't normally stop her sending thr occasional message. I dunno..is my paranoid idea going over drive and do I need to calm down and chill out. Or do you think this is a bit strange all of a sudden? I really think I like her. So I don't want to come over as really insecure or needy. But I'm a bit worries she hasn't been in touch at all today!

 

Do you people think I should give her a day or so? And chill out? Or is this a bit odd?

 

Thanks

Jay x

[ASG]

Here's a novel concept... you can text her first!!! One day of no contact is hardly silent treatment! Life happens.

 

Drop her a text. Then see what happens. But don't pester her with messages either

[LeaGreenLad88]

Thanks mate.

Yeah I text her about 10 minutes ago. So maybe see if she responds. Hopefully she will do soon enough, and out my mind at ease...

[IfonlyIknew]

She is probably waiting for you to text her. Unless she sent you a picture text you didn't get Lol my poor boyfriend sent me a good morning pic text a few months back, and I was waiting for him to text me all day, I finally called him by 3pm and by then he bought me flowers and chocolate on the way over LMAO

[LeaGreenLad88]

She replied to my txt. Which was good I suppose. But she didn't want to talk much. Just simply replied...and said that she'd had a nice afternoon and a lovely meal with her mum, and that she'd talk to me properly tomorrow.

 

On one hand most people will say get a grip and that she's said she'll talk tomorrow, which is good if that is to be the case. I hope it is. But I still have a gut feeling about it. My instinct have tended to be right in thr past too.

 

But who knows? Hopefully it's all good.

[travelbug1996]

You gotta get your confidence up. Text her. Take charge. Gorls don't like passive men.

[LeaGreenLad88]

Like I say. She replied to me last night, saying how she'd speak to me properly today . She hasn't messaged me yet.

 

I mentioned this to a close colleague (male) in work. He basically told me I was probably worrying really needlessly and that unless we parted on bad terms, why would she have binned me off? I am trying to think like that, and hope he is right but conversely, I can't help but have a really bad gut feeling about it.

 

I don't get what could have possibly changed in her mind,from Sunday night and us having a lovely time to the following day. And that is making me cling on to a bit of hope. I know I still don't really know her properly, but I get thr impression she is fairly straight talking and honest. So I would assume if she does want to call things off and not see me again,that she would do so to my face or on the phone etc and not just leave me hanging. But then again I don't know. Maybe Im wrong.

 

Also. She has generally been the one making plans and has invited me around etc. She seems to have been really eager to see me. And then all of sudden...bang. but I suppose it has been a day or so not a week or a month etc. So I should maybe see what comes of it. I can't decide if I should maybe trying to call her later.... or give her a bit of breathing space.

 

We still have got our date pencilled in for Saturday, which I am really hopeful we can still do.

[clia]

Seems like she has been the one initiating nearly everything -- texts, getting together, etc. She's told you several times she'd like a proper date, yet you've done nothing. I expect she'll move on soon if you don't stop being so passive.

[LeaGreenLad88]

Thanks for the reply. But thr thing is we have got a date on Saturday. We are going to a nearby town, to watch a firework display and then for something to eat in a traditional style restauran/pub afterwards. And this was mostly all her idea too.

[LeaGreenLad88]

But I should add I suggested that we went out on Saturday. And she said yes straight away. And suggested it. And Ireally like thr sound of it. So if we can still go I'm really looking forward to it.

[Toodaloo]

Dear God man she has been doing all the work! Probably thinks you are not all that into her and stringing her along!

 

You need to start speaking with your actions. If you like the girl then show her. Proper dates not just hanging and get off your backside and find things to do with her. Art Galleries, museums, picnics, meals at pubs, cinema, theatre, zombie experience days... Go find exciting things to do and pull your finger out.

 

If you don't like her carry on because she will soon get bored and wander off.

[LeaGreenLad88]

OK well I sent her a txt before..asking her if she'd fancy going for a coffee after work/uni tomorrow. She firstly replied by just saying...'I'm in Uni xxx'

 

So.I kinda took that as a no. But then she didn't actually say no. So I asked her if she maybe had time I'd like to take her for a coffee or maybe even a drink or something to eat etc. She then said ' I think I'll be finished late, but I'll double check and let ya know..xxx'

 

I'm sorry I must seem stupid to most of you. But I just get a real bad vibe deep.down. but I'm making sure I don't put that across when I'm talking or contacting her. Like I said earlier. The bit I really don't get is how much fun we had over weekend and now it's like we've hit a wall. But without any reason for it. Ah well I've done my bit now.

[Miss Peach]

Here's a novel concept... you can text her first!!! One day of no contact is hardly silent treatment! Life happens.

 

Drop her a text. Then see what happens. But don't pester her with messages either

 

I believe men should be the pursuers. If you were interested in me I would have already stopped giving you chances by this point.

 

Don't worry about cool and being in control. Just get to know her properly if you like her. If she has any sort of self confidence she won't tolerate this game playing for much longer. That seems to be what is happening.

[ASG]

I believe men should be the pursuers. If you were interested in me I would have already stopped giving you chances by this point.

 

Don't worry about cool and being in control. Just get to know her properly if you like her. If she has any sort of self confidence she won't tolerate this game playing for much longer. That seems to be what is happening.

 

^^This

 

I too believe men should be the pursuers and if I were her, I would have dropped the OP by now... I don't mind initiating some conversations and even dates, but ALL of them??? Hell no!

[Toodaloo]

I'm sorry I must seem stupid to most of you. But I just get a real bad vibe deep.down.

 

This is not stupid. Not stupid at all.

 

And knowing this I would say to you to walk away.

 

Never ever ignore your gut feelings.

 

Walk away now.

[elaine567]

I know you are trying to make a ONS into a relationship, but where did all the passion go?

She invited you to a film at her place and then nothing but a few kisses here and there?

I get the taking it a bit slower and it is good that you seem to be very respectful of her, but this has gone backwards so far that it may mean she has lost interest completely, as this is verging on the platonic.

Driving around and cuddling on the sofa, all great stuff, but when you have already torn the clothes off each other, it seems all a bit tame and weird to be now only exchanging a few pecks.

You may have friend-zoned yourself here.

[phineas]

I know you are trying to make a ONS into a relationship, but where did all the passion go?

She invited you to a film at her place and then nothing but a few kisses here and there?

I get the taking it a bit slower and it is good that you seem to be very respectful of her, but this has gone backwards so far that it may mean she has lost interest completely, as this is verging on the platonic.

Driving around and cuddling on the sofa, all great stuff, but when you have already torn the clothes off each other, it seems all a bit tame and weird to be now only exchanging a few pecks.

You may have friend-zoned yourself here.

 

This.

I hooked up with a woman I knew and all she'd do after was cuddle.

So I basically got "busy" on her.

Not going to be a cuddlebitch.

Got better things to do with my time.

 

NEVER go backwards with a woman.

Once you have sex you keep having sex or you will be friendzoned or turn into a boyfriend without benefits.

Edited November 3, 2016 by phineas

[TheTraveler]

I know you are trying to make a ONS into a relationship, but where did all the passion go?

She invited you to a film at her place and then nothing but a few kisses here and there?

I get the taking it a bit slower and it is good that you seem to be very respectful of her, but this has gone backwards so far that it may mean she has lost interest completely, as this is verging on the platonic.

Driving around and cuddling on the sofa, all great stuff, but when you have already torn the clothes off each other, it seems all a bit tame and weird to be now only exchanging a few pecks.

You may have friend-zoned yourself here.

 

Agree. He had multiple opportunities to pound her hard, but the OP is friend zoning himself and she's drifting away.

[VeveCakes]

Agree. He had multiple opportunities to pound her hard, but the OP is friend zoning himself and she's drifting away.

 

They already slept together.

 

I disagree with everyone...she didn't care that she was doing the pursuing. OP then went after her and her response is still cold. My guess is she has dates with other guys...she is replying so you don't think she is rude but she is obviously busy with other things...or men.

[LeaGreenLad88]

Hey folks. Bumping this thread. I haven't contributed to it. As things took a much better turn. Last Tuesday. She messaged me out of the blue saying she'd like to see me. So we went for a little drive and dropped her home. All good. Kissed a good few times.

 

Following night we went on a proper dinner date. I drove and we went for a little walk afterwards. It was brilliant. Lovely evening. Lots of fun and laughs too. We txt each other till about 2am that night/morning both saying how much fun we'd had and how much we enjoyed being with each other. This meant a lot to her and me. On thr Friday she rang me and asked if I wanted to go round and watch a film with her. Just expected to do that and then go home. But I stayed the night. We had sex a number of times. It was brilliant tbh. Really amazing. Saturday we did our date to the fireworks display. Which was fun again. I was a bt of a wimp on the ride we went on lol but again lovely evening. No sex that night but we both fell asleep after eating too much food lol. Both woke up on the settee before eventually going to bed properly.

 

Dropped her in work on the Sunday. Again good mood in car and same later as she asked me to stay for something to eat. Which I did. We sat and watched TV, cuddled you name it etc. All of a sudden though I felt as though she was a bit off or cold with me. And I mean pretty much all of a sudden. Within about 20 mins or so. Had a brief kiss good night. And I mean brief. I asked her if she wanted do something one night. And she just said simply... I think I'm busy but we will see... let me know. So I said ' maybe Wednesday if that's any good'.. she just looked at me blankly and said 'not sure'

 

That morning she'd been saying how much she'd like to get away over night somewhere soon. As she's moving house and got lots on her plate. So I called her when I was home saying if she wanted... if like to book somewhere a little break not too far away but somewhere for us/her to get away for a day or two. She kind of agreed... but just put a negative well It'd be nice but I'm just not sure about money.

 

Thrn all of Yesterday absolutely no contact what so ever until I txt her last night. Few short messages. I told her I have next Thursday and Friday off. And I'd like to see if there was time. But she just avoided the subject really ano kept saying thanks for letting her know. She is busy back end of this week and I have a very busy schedule this weekend. So that's probably (well almost defintiely) put of the question.

 

On one hand I keep telling myself it's really early days. Dating can be up and down. And I know she does have a lot on. Moving house in about 16 days. And has a full time job juggling with a bit of study. So I respect thato I'm not her world. And she needs to probably concentrate on other stuff atm. But conversely after Our dates in the week and thr really lovely weekend we had together I'm a little bit confused.

 

She seems lovely... I love being with her. And she comes across as honest as thr day is long. I certainly don't think she'd just completely blow me out without a reason or a call etc. but I can't figure out if there is something wrong or its in my head. And I need to chill out. Tbf I haven't panicked and shown my worry to her. I've been cool and collected but in my own mind I don't know what the hell is going on with us.

[LeaGreenLad88]

So I'll narrow it down now to how it stands..

I like her. I would like to keep on dating her and getting to know her better. Maybe even long term. Meet some of her friends etc. Maybe family at some point. We have a connection and seem to be comfortable in each others company.

 

But... we've known each other less than 3 weeks. A ONS escalated fairly quick and we've been out a few times and have slept together again. She has a lot on atm. Including a big move to a new house on about 2 weeks. And is studying too. So obviously she is very busy.

 

Tbf to her. She hasn't ever ignored my txts and calls completely. She always replies and has rung back when she's had a miss calls. Seems a bit distant at the minute but tbf she still has replied. I have suggested tomorrow we do something after work.. she seems unsure.. unlikely to say yes. And also told her about me being off Thursday and Friday next week's. Same days she is off work.

 

I txt her about tomorrow after work. and let her know that I would like to see her this week if possible. And I like spending time with her. She replied this morning with the following...' oooh ok...thanks...xxx'. I really don't know what that means tbh. But I am not reading too much into it tbh.

 

My biggest gripe and confusion is how much fun we had at thr weekend and last week.. And all of a sudden it's like I'm barely on her radar. I think I'll leave it with her now. She knows how I feel. I don't want to be pain in the ass. Maybe it's all too quick and things need to calm down.. and maybe more importantly slow down and have 4 or 5 days apart. Maybe too intense. Maybe there might be another guy. I don't think there is. To be quite honest she is really smart, lovely and seems so honest and genuine.

 

She's busy Thursday and Friday and I'm busy all weekend. Maybe the space might be good. Maybe it might kill it. I dunno.

[MarkIVSteel]

She invited you to her house at night. ALL ALONE. To watch a horror movie with her and all you did was give her a few kisses. Lol.

 

She obviously wants you to f*ck her but you were too passive. Now she's losing interest.

 

With many women, you only have a limited window before they file you under "friends".

 

Take charge next time, kiss her, romance her, f*ck her like no tomorrow.

[LeaGreenLad88]

Dude. I've been round since. And we've had sex a good couple of times since then. I'm not after sex though. Yeah it's good and we had very passionate sex. But I like her for her personality, sense of humour and the way she is and the fun we have together. I don't see her as somebody I just want to f###.

 

If that was the case then I'd not be on here asking for genuine advice.

[sunshine2]

It seems that you have stepped up and asked her out a few times so thats good. I agree with the others that she was making most of the plans, which gets old after awhile.

 

It's odd that your times together are so great, then she goes cold. Has she talked about her past relationship? Im wondering if she just broke up with someone and is not over them and thats why you are getting hot and cold replies to your date requests. Or maybe she is just not sure she wants a relationship at this time. I mean she slept with you the first time she met you, so she doesn't seem timid.

 

Does it seem that she is happy when you are together? Is the sex good for her too? Is there anything you pick up when you are with her that might be a issue? Theres got to be something.

 

If this were me, I would probably ask her whats up because I wouldn't want to waste my time with someone who is hot and cold. Its not a good sign.

[LeaGreenLad88]

It seems that you have stepped up and asked her out a few times so thats good. I agree with the others that she was making most of the plans, which gets old after awhile.

 

It's odd that your times together are so great, then she goes cold. Has she talked about her past relationship? Im wondering if she just broke up with someone and is not over them and thats why you are getting hot and cold replies to your date requests. Or maybe she is just not sure she wants a relationship at this time. I mean she slept with you the first time she met you, so she doesn't seem timid.

 

Does it seem that she is happy when you are together? Is the sex good for her too? Is there anything you pick up when you are with her that might be a issue? Theres got to be something.

 

If this were me, I would probably ask her whats up because I wouldn't want to waste my time with someone who is hot and cold. Its not a good sign.

 

Hey thanks for the reply.

 

Yeah I completely agree. We've had some real good chemistry and we always laugh and have lots of little in jokes. I genuinely really like her as a person. She's lovely. And obviously my attracted to her as well.

 

Yes as for the sex... she certainly seemed very complimentary and was eager for us to be intimate again. Which can only be a good thing.

 

Yeah I have told her about being off next week and that I'd like to spend some time with her as we are both off work. But I do respect she has a lot on. And I'd even be willing to help her with her move etc. Well as much as I could.

 

As for her last relationship. She was telling me that she split up from him in January of this year. So ten months ago. And said that although she stayed with him for a good while. He paid her little or no compliments, never made any effort to make her feel special and everything seemed to be on his terms. Which winds me up as I could never has that little self respect. Especially as she is so nice.

 

I just get the impression this past 2 days now that I'm in her way not really on her mind much. And there is only so much I can do. I've told her how I feel. If she does genuinely think it's run its course, then I'll be upset and probably down in thr dumps for a day week month etc. But I'd put it down as a life lesson I suppose. but I don't think we're at that stage just yet. Maybe I'll call her tomorrow.