Rototype Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 I've been dating my girlfriend for over a year, she is a huge part of my life and very close to everyone in my family. She gets invited to every family event - my family will throw a party or meal for her even if she already celebrated with others, and they've even helped her buy things for her new place when she moved into her new flat. But I don't know any of her family members. We are really close and strong as a couple, but when she goes to visit her family, it almost feels as if she has a part of her life that I'm not allowed into. She's pretty close with her family and they don't live far away, but whenever they visit I get the impression that I'm not welcome, and it's always planned around days when I'm not with her. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable or pressured in any way, but I'm finding it hard to not feel shut out after I have worked so hard to make her feel welcomed into my personal and family life. P.S. I cannot stress enough that I'm all up for her having privacy, both online and in reality.
eye of the storm Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 If you and your GF are destined to be long term, you need to learn how to communicate. You say comments like "it almost feels" and "I get the impression". Instead of that, talk to her. Ask her if there is a reason she is not integrating you into her family like you have hers. And then LISTEN. Listen to if she doesn't want to talk about it. Listen if she does. If she doesn't want to talk about it, then you have a major red flag. Being unwilling or unable to communicate when there are problems is only going to get worse. Money issues, health issues, reproductive issues.... You will always, in any relationship, have issues. If you can't talk about them, work thru them, face them as a team...then you are going to have a lot of doors in your house you can't open. And eventually they will take over. If she does talk about it, don't attack at anything she says. Her family doesn't like you, she isn't ready, ... what ever. Do not attack. If you do she will shut down and getting her to talk will be much harder next time. But you both need to learn how to talk when issues are small. Waiting only makes them harder to deal with.
Marco Valerio Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 Be straight with your concerns to her and ask her.
Author Rototype Posted October 31, 2016 Author Posted October 31, 2016 Thanks, guys. I tried to speak to her about it last month and she just tried to assure my that they do like me, but she didn't know if I'd meet them - even they've visited multiple times since our talk. I wasn't given a reason why I can't, but I also don't want to make her feel pressured or uncomfortable. I'm trying not to make a huge deal out of not meeting her parents, especially if it's because it's simply due to their lack of interest. I just can't help but feel a little pushed out.
Gaeta Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 Thanks, guys. I tried to speak to her about it last month and she just tried to assure my that they do like me, but she didn't know if I'd meet them - even they've visited multiple times since our talk. I wasn't given a reason why I can't, but I also don't want to make her feel pressured or uncomfortable. I'm trying not to make a huge deal out of not meeting her parents, especially if it's because it's simply due to their lack of interest. I just can't help but feel a little pushed out. What in the world !! Listen, you need to tell her you want to meet her parents and it needs to be done within the next 15 days. What she is doing is extremely disrespectful toward you and toward your family. There she is accepting all of this attention and acceptance from your family and she keeps you a secret to her family?? c'mon!! After a year dating there is no need to put white gloves on. Just tell it like it is!! It's time to meet her side of the family. If she has a reason not to take you there she needs to speak up right now.
No_Go Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 Listen, you need to tell her you want to meet her parents and it needs to be done within the next 15 days. He knows his GF better, but say if my BF told me the above - not only he would never meet my family, I'd call it quits. That's a controlling behavior.
Gaeta Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 He knows his GF better, but say if my BF told me the above - not only he would never meet my family, I'd call it quits. That's a controlling behavior. No, it's knowing what you want and expressing it. He has been more than patient and she needs to get off the pot and make an effort for him. If both of them had not met family than I'd have a different approach but this girl visits his family, they welcomed her, they show her appreciation and make her part of his family and she can't even make an effort to introduce him to her parents that are 20 minutes away?
Gaeta Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 Thanks, guys. I tried to speak to her about it last month and she just tried to assure my that they do like me, but she didn't know if I'd meet them - even they've visited multiple times since our talk. I wasn't given a reason why I can't, but I also don't want to make her feel pressured or uncomfortable. I'm trying not to make a huge deal out of not meeting her parents, especially if it's because it's simply due to their lack of interest. I just can't help but feel a little pushed out. How can they like you they have never met you?? and she doesn't know if you will ever meet them?? Well dear, I say she is hiding something.
No_Go Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 It is not taking action but forcing her into action. If he doesn't like the current situation - he can quit. Not force her. Because if he does - she may leave for good. No, it's knowing what you want and expressing it. He has been more than patient and she needs to get off the pot and make an effort for him. If both of them had not met family than I'd have a different approach but this girl visits his family, they welcomed her, they show her appreciation and make her part of his family and she can't even make an effort to introduce him to her parents that are 20 minutes away?
Miss Peach Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 OP - Is your GF from a culture where people don't introduce BFs? I've noticed some cultures you don't make the introductions until engagement. Has she introduced other BFs?
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