Should I break NC to let my ex know that I'll be working with her soon?

[xxgreen20]

I recently made the huge mistake of entering a relationship with a coworker who also happened to be one of my best friends. The relationship failed after 4 months because she lost her feelings for me and then became official with a new guy a week later, and they have been dating ever since. We haven't talked at all since the day after the breakup, and I am still feeling bitter over her entering a new relationship so fast and hate her for it too. I do not see any possibility of us renewing our friendship in the future. I am not working at the store we both work at now because I'm away at college, but I will be going back to work there for winter break. Luckily, we will be in different departments, me in front end and her in bakery, but she comes to my department to buy food on her breaks and is always there doing price checks. And she or anyone else in the store can be assigned to work register around Christmastime, so there is a possibility I could have to work right next to her at some point. I'm not interested in having any interaction with her at or outside of work and want to keep up the no contact, and I certainly don't want to have to ring her up. Do you guys think I should break no contact as that time gets closer to let her know that I will be starting again and I do not want to be friends (she still wants to be I assume), have a mutual friend tell her, or just not tell her at all? Your honest opinions, please, thanks. And I don't want to have to interact with her boyfriend either when he inevitably comes to visit her at work.

[Cheryl11111111111111]

Better to get it out in the open so there are no surprises. No matter what I do, if it might effect someone else then I tell them and let it go. You guys have nothing to complain about. I've spent the past year having some guy who dumped me tell me I'll find better. If your dumped and left alone, be happy! It's far worse when you become their pity, charity, option, back up plan or friend zoned. I despise the last one. Don't indulge in a friendship what so ever. Friends are harder to break free from.

[BC1980]

I would not break NC to tell her. She might find out through the grapevine anyway. I can tell you this as a person who also had a relationship with a co-worker. Like you, we didn't work directly together, but our paths would cross every now and then. By the time we broke up, he had moved on to work somewhere else, but, about a year after our breakup, I found out he was coming back to work where I worked. I found out through the grapevine, but he did actually write me a note to tell me as well. It just seems silly to break NC to tell someone that. He dumped me by the way.

 

I think the bigger question is going to be how do you act when you see her at work because it will happen sooner or later. I avoided my ex for months until we finally ran into one another one day. It will happen at the most random of times. I had a plan to ignore him or, if he tried to talk to me, I would tell him I wanted our relationship to be strictly work related and had no interest in talking to him about our personal lives. It was like your situation. He had moved on quickly and was already engaged by that time.

 

When he did try to talk to me, it caught me so off guard, and I was around a group of other people. So it's not really appropriate to set boundaries in that situation. It rattled me to be honest. So I can see why you want to set boundaries before she even gets there.

 

Here is my advice to you:

 

1. Ignore her if possible. This is the best thing to do IMO because you don't have to be in a position of making a decision to speak to her or not.

 

2. If you do see her, a polite smile and nod is all that is necessary. If she asks you something like, "How are you, how is your family?" One word answers are best. You need to communicate to her that you are no interested in idle chit chat and meaningless conversation.

 

You can communicate you are not interested in being friends without actually coming out and saying it. I think that is the best bet here.

[JewelD]

No, don't tell her. But you can't change the fact that you work together and you may have to ring her up or see her new boyfriend. Just do your job and go home. If you feel that adamant about not interacting with her, get a new job.

[confusedgirlfriend11]

I personally think it sounds like you want an excuse to contact her...

 

 

You say you hate her and want nothing to do with her, you say you haven't spoken since breaking up, so why would you assume she wants to be friends?

 

 

She's moved on. Just leave it. If you see her at work, be polite and that's it. There's no reason to cause a drama out of it.

 

 

If you contact her now then it's just going to show you're still thinking about her.

[Zahara]

No need to tell her anything. Announcing it to her is you still making it about her. This is a job. Go there and focus on your work.

[xxgreen20]

I personally think it sounds like you want an excuse to contact her...

 

 

You say you hate her and want nothing to do with her, you say you haven't spoken since breaking up, so why would you assume she wants to be friends?

 

 

She's moved on. Just leave it. If you see her at work, be polite and that's it. There's no reason to cause a drama out of it.

 

 

If you contact her now then it's just going to show you're still thinking about her.

 

When we were breaking up, she said during the conversation that she still wanted to be good friends like before. I said I couldn't and wouldn't do it, but she contacted me the next day saying, "I'm ready to be friends whenever, so just text me whenever you're ready, and I'll be here." That time has not happened yet.

[aloneinaz]

When we were breaking up, she said during the conversation that she still wanted to be good friends like before. I said I couldn't and wouldn't do it, but she contacted me the next day saying, "I'm ready to be friends whenever, so just text me whenever you're ready, and I'll be here." That time has not happened yet.

 

You're clinging to hope and looking for ANY reason to contact her. You need to let go my friend. She's kicked you to the curb and is now shacking up with the new guy.. Save your self respect here and ignore and stay NC.

 

Focus your energy on work. When ready, date and find her better, hotter and nicer replacement. There's like a gazzilion women out there looking for what you are. You'll never meet her if you're focusing so much attention on someone who didn't want you. Everyone's been dumped in their lives. Most say FU to them and move on to their next love.

[Miss Clavel]

I recently made the huge mistake of entering a relationship with a coworker who also happened to be one of my best friends. The relationship failed after 4 months because she lost her feelings for me and then became official with a new guy a week later, and they have been dating ever since. We haven't talked at all since the day after the breakup, and I am still feeling bitter over her entering a new relationship so fast and hate her for it too. I do not see any possibility of us renewing our friendship in the future. I am not working at the store we both work at now because I'm away at college, but I will be going back to work there for winter break. Luckily, we will be in different departments, me in front end and her in bakery, but she comes to my department to buy food on her breaks and is always there doing price checks. And she or anyone else in the store can be assigned to work register around Christmastime, so there is a possibility I could have to work right next to her at some point. I'm not interested in having any interaction with her at or outside of work and want to keep up the no contact, and I certainly don't want to have to ring her up. Do you guys think I should break no contact as that time gets closer to let her know that I will be starting again and I do not want to be friends (she still wants to be I assume), have a mutual friend tell her, or just not tell her at all? Your honest opinions, please, thanks. And I don't want to have to interact with her boyfriend either when he inevitably comes to visit her at work.

 

i work with my ex. we were "together" a very long time. i broke up with him and kept right on working with him. we are face to face for many hours every day.

 

i do not look in his eyes or speak to him about anything other than work. when one of us arrives, the other greets them with the greeting required by good manners in a work setting. "good morning" "good evening".

 

when he enquires, "how are you", i reply in a flat monotone, with an edge on the last word. " fine"

 

when he comes into the break room, no matter what point im at in my break, i leave.

 

recently i've started going to another area, outside, for my breaks and others have started to use this area as well. he never comes over there.

 

when there is any need for commication, i do not look at him directly and i do not speak to him directly.

 

it can be done, is my point. and i've done it because i'm almost positive i'd never have anything to do with him again, i'd never let him hurt me again.

 

if i start talking to him, he will creep into my life again, inch by inch until he;s back in my bedroom. and he will just treat me like crap again, outside of the bedroom, which is why i ended it.

 

say nothing to her. look right thru her unless you are forced to interact because of work. and then only interact with her in a manner dictated by social convention and work requirements.

 

ring her up, count her money, bag her item, hand it to her and say whatever phrase your company requires, nothing more.

 

since you still seem to have feelings, maybe try working somewhere else. you have time to line something up, right?

 

i can't change my job, i have tenure there. he could. but he'd rather hurt me by trying to date other younger women in my department, right in front of me.

 

they turn him down, always, which seems to bother me even more.

 

all this and a paycheck.

 

good luck

Edited November 1, 2016 by Miss Clavel

[xxgreen20]

i work with my ex. we were "together" a very long time. i broke up with him and kept right on working with him. we are face to face for many hours every day.

 

i do not look in his eyes or speak to him about anything other than work. when one of us arrives, the other greets them with the greeting required by good manners in a work setting. "good morning" "good evening".

 

when he enquires, "how are you", i reply in a flat monotone, with an edge on the last word. " fine"

 

when he comes into the break room, no matter what point im at in my break, i leave.

 

recently i've started going to another area, outside, for my breaks and others have started to use this area as well. he never comes over there.

 

when there is any need for commication, i do not look at him directly and i do not speak to him directly.

 

it can be done, is my point. and i've done it because i'm almost positive i'd never have anything to do with him again, i'd never let him hurt me again.

 

if i start talking to him, he will creep into my life again, inch by inch until he;s back in my bedroom. and he will just treat me like crap again, outside of the bedroom, which is why i ended it.

 

say nothing to her. look right thru her unless you are forced to interact because of work. and then only interact with her in a manner dictated by social convention and work requirements.

 

ring her up, count her money, bag her item, hand it to her and say whatever phrase your company requires, nothing more.

 

since you still seem to have feelings, maybe try working somewhere else. you have time to line something up, right?

 

i can't change my job, i have tenure there. he could. but he'd rather hurt me by trying to date other younger women in my department, right in front of me.

 

they turn him down, always, which seems to bother me even more.

 

all this and a paycheck.

 

good luck

 

I do have the option to work at another store, but I have made very good friends in the store I'm in now and genuinely like everyone there except for her.

[xxgreen20]

You're clinging to hope and looking for ANY reason to contact her. You need to let go my friend. She's kicked you to the curb and is now shacking up with the new guy.. Save your self respect here and ignore and stay NC.

 

Focus your energy on work. When ready, date and find her better, hotter and nicer replacement. There's like a gazzilion women out there looking for what you are. You'll never meet her if you're focusing so much attention on someone who didn't want you. Everyone's been dumped in their lives. Most say FU to them and move on to their next love.

 

What do you mean? I was the one who said I didn't want to be friends, and I am the one who hates her and thinks she is a loser since she graduated college in May and is still working at a grocery store and probably christening every public place possible with her boyfriend. I am actually afraid that by working with her I will fall into the trap of friendship and having to have full conversations with her boyfriend.

[JewelD]

What do you mean? I was the one who said I didn't want to be friends, and I am the one who hates her and thinks she is a loser since she graduated college in May and is still working at a grocery store and probably christening every public place possible with her boyfriend. I am actually afraid that by working with her I will fall into the trap of friendship and having to have full conversations with her boyfriend.

 

You sound very bitter. You may very well be working at the same grocery store, too, when you graduate.

 

& I'm sure her boyfriend wants nothing to do with you. If you can't handle it, then quit.