barbarame Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 (edited) The man I have been seeing very casually and from time to time for last few months invited me over to his place. During the whole week we were talking about this meeting. By the evening date we went for a dinner and then to his place. He opened a bottle of wine and played some music. And.. and nothing! I'm kind of disappointed that he did not even try to kiss or touch me. I was touching his hands, arms randomly but he did not reciprocate (like a wall) so I understood he was not interested in anything physical with me. I will just add that it was not the fist time I was at his place (the previous time same story). I got hot for him, wore sexy lingerie and now I feel so not sexy and like an idiot . I'm 29, he is 38.. Did any of you had similar situation? I don't understand why he would invite me to his place if he does not intend on doing anything. Edited October 31, 2016 by barbarame
IfonlyIknew Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 That's odd behavior being the 2ND time over and it's the SAME thing. Has he followed up with you in any way to let you know he enjoyed your company? Or crickets?
Toodaloo Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 The man I have been seeing very casually and from time to time for last few months invited me over to his place. During the whole week we were talking about this meeting. By the evening date we went for a dinner and then to his place. He opened a bottle of wine and played some music. And.. and nothing! I'm kind of disappointed that he did not even try to kiss or touch me. I was touching his hands, arms randomly but he did not reciprocate (like a wall) so I understood he was not interested in anything physical with me. I will just add that it was not the fist time I was at his place (the previous time same story). I got hot for him, wore sexy lingerie and now I feel so not sexy and like an idiot . I'm 29, he is 38.. Did any of you had similar situation? I don't understand why he would invite me to his place if he does not intend on doing anything. Talk to him.
Author barbarame Posted October 31, 2016 Author Posted October 31, 2016 That's odd behavior being the 2ND time over and it's the SAME thing. Has he followed up with you in any way to let you know he enjoyed your company? Or crickets? As for the first time I thought he did not want to come as creepy (he even mentioned something like that then) so I did not bother. He has not contacted me yet since our last meeting (it's has been 1 day). Wondering if to bring this topic once he calls (if he calls) or just ignore him completely. I like him but totally don't understand his motives. Never experienced such awkward situation before with a man.
Toodaloo Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 As for the first time I thought he did not want to come as creepy (he even mentioned something like that then) so I did not bother. He has not contacted me yet since our last meeting (it's has been 1 day). Wondering if to bring this topic once he calls (if he calls) or just ignore him completely. I like him but totally don't understand his motives. Never experienced such awkward situation before with a man. A long time a go mens greatest fear was being gored by a sabre tooth tiger. Now it is being labelled a creep or being accused of rape by a woman... It happens. There are many drama queens out there. So guys get stuck between trying to be the hunter and aggressive and trying to make sure they do not do anything inappropriate... Time for you to make your move. Call him. Invite him over. Make it clear its not just one way. You are a grown woman. You can go in for the kiss as well. If he backs off just do the same. What is the worst that will happen? A bit of awkwardness as you leave? 1
PegNosePete Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 Maybe he is shy or nervous, or maybe in the past he has been rejected when he has made moves this early on. Sometimes it's difficult for guys, damned if you do, damned if you don't! 1
Miss Peach Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 OP - Did he do anything that would make it seem like a date? Hands? Hug? Anything? If he hasn't tried anything after a few meetings it's my guess he's not attracted to you or just sees you as a friend. A lot of my male friends do this sort of thing when they aren't attracted or don't want to wreck a friendship. Most shy guys can manage some hand holding or something physical.
Author barbarame Posted November 1, 2016 Author Posted November 1, 2016 OP - Did he do anything that would make it seem like a date? Hands? Hug? Anything? If he hasn't tried anything after a few meetings it's my guess he's not attracted to you or just sees you as a friend. A lot of my male friends do this sort of thing when they aren't attracted or don't want to wreck a friendship. Most shy guys can manage some hand holding or something physical. When he asked me out he used the word 'date'. We had met several times before and during the previous meeting he was making moves on me indeed (nothing much - just little touching etc.). That's why I was so surprised he did not react at all while i tried to get closer to him last time, leaving me really confused.
Herbalist Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 Sounds like he's probably just scared to death. Try kissing him first. Like another has said worse case is that he rebuffs you but hey it happens. Best case scenario is that you found a shy guy who will basically mold himself into whatever you want if you can get him to open up. I'd say go for it lady.
Author barbarame Posted November 1, 2016 Author Posted November 1, 2016 A long time a go mens greatest fear was being gored by a sabre tooth tiger. Now it is being labelled a creep or being accused of rape by a woman... It happens. There are many drama queens out there. So guys get stuck between trying to be the hunter and aggressive and trying to make sure they do not do anything inappropriate... Time for you to make your move. Call him. Invite him over. Make it clear its not just one way. You are a grown woman. You can go in for the kiss as well. If he backs off just do the same. What is the worst that will happen? A bit of awkwardness as you leave? He contacted me yesterday, just a little chit chat. We're supposed to meet in few days, going together for some local event then possibly have a dinner at my place, will see how it goes this time around. Maybe I should be more direct this time indeed.
Standard-Fare Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 If you're interested in this guy, I say give him one more chance. My guess would be that he just froze up with nerves and that he's now cursing himself for it. He must know that he blew it. If you give him one final opportunity, he'll know he's gotta act. The other possibility is that this is a very passive guy who is simply incapable of making the first move. Meaning, you're going to have to get in his face and kiss HIM. It's up to you whether you're comfortable with that. You'd also need to find out if that would just be a "first time" behavior, or whether that would be his permanent pattern. I'm sure the latter would be completely unappealing.
sunshine2 Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 I dated a guy like that and it turned out he was just very unaffectionate and awful in bed. I would talk to him and see if he is just interested in being friends so you don't do what I did and wonder what the heck was wrong.
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