Modern day romance = cheap thrills

[l8estnews]

Dating nowadays is so hard. You can never avoid being hurt. Love has always been a gamble but in this day and age, the risks are much higher. People get bored easily. Once the relationship becomes a routine, they immediately seek out something new.

 

I've been single for a while now. And I mean a while. But I have no regrets! I am better alone than fall in love with some douchebag who'll make me feel betrayed, replaced, not enough or simply ruin my self-esteem. Unless I find a person who has good standards of morals and values, honor, responsible, and loyal, I am very open to being single forever. It's not sad at all. Once you learn to appreciate your standard and your own company, you will never feel alone.

 

So don't settle with anything. Life can be happy with or without a partner

[Woggle]

I think the worst thing women did was accept the FWBs status relationship. It is heaven for the men and hell for the women. Most women think they can handle the casual sex but seem to always fall in love while the guy loves being free to have sex with multiple women. There is just not enough motivation for men to partner up because now they feel like they are missing something better if they get tied up in a relationship.

 

Not really. I still believe that if most men have proper motivation and find the right woman for a relationship they will easily choose one.

[Toodaloo]

Not really. I still believe that if most men have proper motivation and find the right woman for a relationship they will easily choose one.

 

Problem is that we have all forgotten how to treat others with dignity and respect...

 

Hence all the dross out there and the quagmire of hurt and angry people.

 

Avoid those, avoid becoming one yourself and life gets good again.

[PrettyEmily77]

I don't do OLD so I can't help at all on that front, but I have an inkling that it's more of a logistical issue than anything else. The more people you meet, the higher the chances of you being disappointed and form a bad opinion of men / modern romance in general. You also need to be prepared for the fact it might not happen for a while, or at all, and be perfectly content with that.

 

I don't think modern day romance necessarily equates to cheap thrills, and I'm sure there still are good guys around, in the same way as there still are good women around. You just need to be in the right frame of mind to either play the number game by actively dating as many people as you can in the hope that you eventually find a compatible partner, or to exercise patience and let fate do the job for you.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I don't get this either. Why not?

 

To the OP

1. Gotta develop a thick skin online. Relative anonymity + tons of guys who have no clue how to behave + easy to type when there's no reaction = d**k pics.
   
2. Use online but don't rely on it exclusively. Go out and join social groups of things you're interested in.
   
3. If you're logging in and just reading messages, which many attractive women do since they get flooded, close your inbox and try doing a search for any decent guys and message them first or send a wink or whatever. Maybe they even messaged you already but you don't have to wade through the avalanche of messages from guys you're not interested in.
   
4. Just wash away the crud and keep a good, fun attitude. People want to date positive people. If dating becomes exhausting, take a break.
   
5. All else fails, Youtube has a lot of good cat videos.
   

 

On #2, I think people may use it exclusively, for romantic purposes. Like i have a friend that does it, but he's gotten to the point where doesn't really get out and socialize much unless it's with with an already established group of friends he's known for years.

 

Of course, it's a group of mixed men and women, both of which are all involved in relationships, but hey...at least he's getting out, but...there's no opportunities for him to meet unattached women.

 

He typically joins them at a restaurant or concert on occasion, his dating life revolves around the dating sites. It used to be not that way for him, but some people just get into that pattern in certain times of their lives.

[venusishername]

Truth is if you look at it as just meeting new people it takes the pressure right off. Then if you happen to like one of those new people you have just met... You see where I am going with this don't you!

But under no circumstances put up with or accept unreasonable behaviour. Cut it dead straight away or you will end up with thousands of pictures of mens willies, 30 text buddies and no proper dates. Do not waste your time.

I love this, actually what changed in me after a long time of OLD and the sea of men that I talked to, texted, met once, etc..... and of course preferring meeting someone in person... I swear. Once I shifted my mindset of "just meeting new people, like as friends, men and women... it took all the pressure off. I mean it! When I went out instead of hoping to meet someone, I started just enjoying myself. Soon after that, I decided to accept the fact that I was single and enjoy being unattached. Instead of feeling sorry for myself that I was alone, I started LOVING being alone. In the past I would've felt lame if I went out to eat alone, I started doing that. I started doing what I wanted to do, not wallowing in my pity that I didn't have a date or a boyfriend. Very soon after that, I deleted all my dating apps. And as God is my witness, I am never OLD again!!! What a relief! I tell my single friends to get the hell off the apps and start getting out there doing what you love, I give them the advice that I took myself. And what is being said here to you.

 

 

I see them swiping through a sea of pictures and profiles, like it's an addiction or something. Then I hear them complain that they've been talking (I mean texting) with a guy for weeks but nothing comes of it. Seriously, you just have to in a sense, 'give up'. Love finds you, you don't need to search for it. Honestly the very best advice I can give you is delete the apps, join a group of men and women (like Meetup) or join a gym, etc, take a class in something that interests you, get out of your comfort zone, volunteer somewhere (obviously put yourself in an opportunity to meet a member of the opposite sex, not like a women's group).

 

 

After a couple months of my changed attitude I mentioned above, I went on vacation. I was out with a friend dancing and listening to a live band in an unfamiliar city. A man approached me and started a conversation. I walked away after some small talk because honestly I was there with a friend and I wanted to dance. I think that must've sparked his interest because he found me and asked me to dance. Then he bought me a drink and we had a great talk. He walked me back to my hotel and he called me the next morning and picked me up for a great day date. He's never stopped calling me since. We have been dating for about a year now!

 

 

I credit deleting OLD apps and embracing being single and meeting men as if there was no expectation or pressure--- to be the reason love found me again!

[mbee]

Yeah change your attitude a bit and be open to meeting new people just as people. My personal philosophy is to treat every person I go on a date with kindness, respect and treatment I expect. Meaning if I'm not into it, I tell him. I'm honest with my intentions. I also don't do things I'm uncomfortable with. I have no issue telling a guy I don't want to have sex and if he leaves, whatever.

 

Honestly I've met some really great and quality guys from just treating people with respect. You won't believe the number of guys who dated who complained that women only want to hookup, get bored and don't want a relationship. I've also never been in a situation where a guy had sex and left me or treated me like I was just a hookup.

 

My current boyfriend is very new but we met in person, right when I was accepting the fact that I'll be single for another year and will not meet a guy I connect with. Literally I was so close to not going to the event where I met him, cause I was super down about it. Just be positive, take advantage of online and offline opportunities and be happy being single. Treat everyone with kindness, respect and honesty and trust me, you'll bring out the best in people. It may take awhile to meet the next guy, but you'll at least feel good that you are being true to yourself and who knows, you'll likely notice the really awesome guys who you may or may not hit it off with.

 

By the way I'm just like you, very much a romantic at heart so hopefully this helps.

[Mkn1010]

Thanks for the awesome advice everyone! I just want to say that I'm definitely not sitting around feeling sorry for myself, I'm quite used to being single and enjoy my own life! I ended a long term relationship 2 years ago and decided to be single afterwards for a minimum of 1 year... which has just kind of continued haha. So it was just a rude shock re-entering the dating game this year and trying the online thing, but I guess I was a little fish in a shark pond ready to be slaughtered!!

 

 

I also already am engaged in activities like life drawing, volunteering, personal training, and I'm starting another fitness class on Monday! It's been a bit difficult to establish a base as I moved cities to Melbourne this year also, so a lot of change has happened for me!

 

 

I also want to say that I met a guy IRL when I first moved here when I was searching for a housemate. However, he did the whole 'play it super cool and casual' thing and he turned out to be a bit of a d*ck! So I agree, you meet crappy people everywhere and OLD probably just amps up the numbers given the volume of people you're meeting! I also have high standards when it come to one's moral compass and them knowing who they are/what they stand for! I've been known to terrify people too as I'm extremely candid, I'm not afraid to be vulnerable, but also have a way of making people feel exposed and a lot of people hate that in today's world!

 

 

I really like the idea of letting love find me, 'fate' I guess you could call it. But I also think that some people's fate is to never find the love of their lives and I think that's really sad.

 

 

I now don't have any online stuff, not even Facebook installed, so we'll see what happens!! It's a gorgeous day here in Melbourne and I'm going to go shopping!

[Toodaloo]

I really like the idea of letting love find me, 'fate' I guess you could call it. But I also think that some people's fate is to never find the love of their lives and I think that's really sad.

 

I just want to address this whole "fate" thing.

 

You see we all make choices in life. Those choices take us down different roads.

 

Fate... Yesterday I was driving home and saw 2 dogs running in the road. I caught them and got them in the back of my car. Now if we let fate take over I would have two more dogs right now. Because surely fate would just bring their owner to me right? Instead I made the choice to go and try to find their owner. I stopped and asked likely looking suspects who may know and eventually I managed to find someone who had his mobile number and was able to call him to let him know his dogs were found safe and sound and that he could stop looking...

 

So my view is this. While fate plays a part it needs a helping hand. That is where your tools (and a couple of spare dog leads in the back of your car) help... OLD, friends, family, clubs, hobbies, volunteering etc these are all tools to meet new people... The more new people you meet the more likely you are to meet someone to love who also loves you. Oh you can hang around with the guy or girl who treats you badly because you feel you have to because that is what people do or you can waste your time thinking that you have to speak to the idiots you don't really like very much because that gives you a chance...

 

Or you can give fate a bit of a helping hand and ditch them so you can be free for the gorgeous girl or the lovely guy who caught your eye when you went out for a meal with Mum at the local pub...

 

Your fate needs you!

[CO_Dad]

FWIW, I see the same thing from my end (as a guy looking for a girl). Guess it means we haven't found the right one yet. But I will keep pressing on until I do, by whatever method seems best.

[CO_Dad]

Not really. I still believe that if most men have proper motivation and find the right woman for a relationship they will easily choose one.

 

This. For certain. I have heard my fair share of "bad date" stories, but I know I'm a good guy, and I have several friends out there who are too.