Mkn1010 Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 So I'm posting as I'm feeling hopeless with dating in this modern age! It may sound stupid but I always only wanted one boyfriend, one person to treat right who makes me a better person and vice versa. But it seems people are so unwilling to put themselves out there truly and love wholeheartedly. I keep meeting the same old guy incapable of much vulnerability. And the less strings attached the better... it's sad, it really is! I'm a very sensitive and naive person, it took me a long time to learn about this and how eveyone's intentions aren't just good! Trying different dating apps also has only made me well equipped at reading and interpreting a multitude of interpersonal issues and intimacy fears! Where are the sweet kind souls? Seriously I'd like to know! I also get 'friend-zoned' because I'm apparently beautiful but look like a 'girl who doesn't mast**bate'! True love in 2016 = sending/receiving d*ck pics! 6
Joshh93 Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 I feel the exact same way only on the opposite side 1
mikeylo Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 True. Can't even say anymore that you need to kiss frogs ! 1
IfonlyIknew Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 As far as the dating apps... In my experience it automatically places you in the recycling bin, "I can put you back and replace you just as fast". Meeting in person seems to place a higher value. We know social media has ruined dating, we can pull up a persons page and see how they are viewed, if they are respected, how they interact with people, it's just too much too soon, I rather get to know someone with out that in the way. 6
Popsicle Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 People are actually less connected and more lonely with all these electronic connections. They don't even know how to do it or simply can't, even though they crave it. 5
Joshh93 Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 To me it seems no one wants to take the risk of being heartbroken so they just play games 2
Toodaloo Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 Here are some tips to help you out. 1. Make sure you have your clothes on in all your photos and they are not selfies in a bathroom. 2. Never ever log on on a Friday or Saturday evening - EVER. 3. Do not log on after 8:30pm 4. I personally do not respond to any messages that say "hey", call me Babe, hon or similar. Another thing to watch for is over use of the x. if they use it after ever sentence duck out quick. 5. Text speak. Duck out 6. If they refer to your body in any way shape or fashion duck out. 7. if they are not asking you out with firm day and time and place then forget it. 8. Accept that there are a lot of flakey people using OLD as bit of a pick me up because they hold so little value in themselves that they have to get validation from a bunch of strangers... NOT your problem. Stay away from those as soon as you get even so much as a sniff that they could be one. 9. Accept that some use OLD as a meat market and that they will try it on. IGNORE them. 10. Keep your standards high. Do not respond to anyone you have even the tiniest of spidey sense at the back of your neck about. By doing that you cut out most of the riff raff and you end up with a much better quality of date. Far less dates but better men. Oh and take regular breaks where you hide your profile or just do not log on. Its tiring dating and OLD. Don't wear yourself out. Keep yourself fresh and happy and in good spirits ready to meet the better guys. Keep up your hobbies and pass times. Keep in contact with friends and family. Keep busy. It does go in waves. I have had nothing but dross for weeks and yesterday all of a sudden I had two lovely sounding men contacting me. Not a penis picture in sight. Its been bliss. 6
smackie9 Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 A lot of helpless/socially anxious or players use dating apps because it's easy. You want to meet someone of quality, stop using the internet and go out and be social. Grab a GF and find some fun events, or a trip to an art gallery/museum, wine tour/beer tour, ice skating, skiing.....some kind of activity that involves meeting new people and have fun while doing it. 6
Sunlight72 Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 ^^^ I second Smackie's suggestion wholeheartedly. However, I also recommend that early in any situationship you fall into, you Speak Up and tell the guy what you want and stick to it. If you want to D.a.t.e., tell him, and don't accept just hanging out. He'll either start inviting you out or drop you. For your sanity's sake, do not just let it drift. If you let it drift, then you are more to blame than he is. It is Your Life! If you're serious about finding and building a relationship you want, then Y.o.u. need to put in 60% of the work and direction. I'm probably older than you, but believe me, there are us men out here who enjoy relationships one-on-one as well and are trying to figure out which of you women is real. Wave your flag so we can see you 6
Toodaloo Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 believe me, there are us men out here who enjoy relationships one-on-one as well and are trying to figure out which of you women is real. Wave your flag so we can see you This 100 times over. Guys have no clue these days so you have to be receptive to the right ones and learn how to shut down the idiots fast. Its really not easy. I will grant you that and the advice given is endless... Oh date someone new, date someone you wouldn't normally... blagh blagh blagh until your head explodes... Truth is if you look at it as just meeting new people it takes the pressure right off. Then if you happen to like one of those new people you have just met... You see where I am going with this don't you! But under no circumstances put up with or accept unreasonable behaviour. Cut it dead straight away or you will end up with thousands of pictures of mens willies, 30 text buddies and no proper dates. Do not waste your time. 4
Woggle Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 Most people these days are like this but there are still many who aren't so seek them out. 2
SwordofFlame Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 I don't believe in there being "the one" and realistically most people could have successful relationships with a number of other people. I also don't view my past relationships that didn't work out as a waste of time. I had great times and certainly hope that my ex-gfs had great times as well. Sure it hurts when it ends, but you recover and move on. Do more men feel this way compared to women? 1
Toodaloo Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 I don't believe in there being "the one" and realistically most people could have successful relationships with a number of other people. I also don't view my past relationships that didn't work out as a waste of time. I had great times and certainly hope that my ex-gfs had great times as well. Sure it hurts when it ends, but you recover and move on. Do more men feel this way compared to women? No. The difference is that more women tend to make a choice as to which that person is that they commit to and stick to it. They know if the guy buggars off or dies that she will not have to join the local monastrey but even still she makes her choice and sticks to it...
Author Mkn1010 Posted October 31, 2016 Author Posted October 31, 2016 Toodaloo I completely agree with your tips and actually use most of them, very PG profile, no selfies, says what I'm looking for etc. But, for me, it just leads to deleting my profile as I STILL get creeps trying to have a crack or at least insult me for being straight-edge! But then again I've only used the free apps that people say have a 'hook-up' rep. Even when I've dated the rare sweet guy, I've ended up finding out that they are a supreme weirdo!! I also agree that I make my choice and I stick to it. I've had one boyfriend in my life, he was first everything, and I'm now 30 and that relationship is a very sad story that did not have any possibility of a future. Even still, through my horrendous bad luck and the broken heart I had when my long term rel ended, I really do try to get to know the CORE of people and let them see all the parts of my soul. But nobody else does this today. As for the suggestions about getting out and about, well I'm always trying new things and I also have two single sisters (aged 28 and 26 who everyone tells me are remarkably beautiful) and we do a lot of things together. But we all have high standards as to one's CHARACTER and there are 0.5 people that live up and even those that do end up bailing out of fear!!
Herbalist Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 The trend of sending/posting dick pictures is strange. Like if a gal just wants a dick to use then she can get one for like $30 that vibrates and definitely has no STDs. But even then when a guy represents himself with a dick picture, my brain just interprets that coming from him as, "Hello, I am a penis." Which does give me a bizarre chuckle at least before I move on.
Toodaloo Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 Toodaloo I completely agree with your tips and actually use most of them, very PG profile, no selfies, says what I'm looking for etc. But, for me, it just leads to deleting my profile as I STILL get creeps trying to have a crack or at least insult me for being straight-edge! But then again I've only used the free apps that people say have a 'hook-up' rep. Even when I've dated the rare sweet guy, I've ended up finding out that they are a supreme weirdo!! I also agree that I make my choice and I stick to it. I've had one boyfriend in my life, he was first everything, and I'm now 30 and that relationship is a very sad story that did not have any possibility of a future. Even still, through my horrendous bad luck and the broken heart I had when my long term rel ended, I really do try to get to know the CORE of people and let them see all the parts of my soul. But nobody else does this today. As for the suggestions about getting out and about, well I'm always trying new things and I also have two single sisters (aged 28 and 26 who everyone tells me are remarkably beautiful) and we do a lot of things together. But we all have high standards as to one's CHARACTER and there are 0.5 people that live up and even those that do end up bailing out of fear!! Doesn't matter what you do or where you go in life there will always be idiots and people that you just don't like or get on with. On line, off line... none of it matters. In the past 24 hours on OLD I have ignored 6 "Hey" messages, 4 "Whats up babes" messages, 3 "Wow you are so pretty do you fancy fun times?" and a highly original "Nice rack"... OLD is not busy in my area. I am very rural... In real life I get guys trying to grab a feel of my backside or stare at my chest... I am not even that gorgeous or "pert" any more!!! You just have to ignore them/ knock them back as appropriate and get on with doing your thing. The fact that you have narrowed it down also makes it much easier. Just cut the crap with the others and concentrate on the ones you like. Ignore and delete are very handy buttons...
sunshine2 Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 Dating on OLD is a crap shoot, but it seems to be one of the ways most people meet these days. But you have to use that and combine it with doing other things in the real world like has already been suggested. My daughter is around your age and having the same issue on OLD. She tries it, meets some men then gets disappointed and pulls her profile and gives up. Then she goes back on again and the same thing happens. I tell her to try meetups and hobbies she loves but she says she still doesn't meet many good guys. I think 30's are a bit harder as most people are in relationships and getting married and or having kids now. But its never impossible. I have met some great men on OLD, and also some not so great men. Penis picks are typical even in my 50 year age range, which you would think wouldn't. LOL . I have many stories of having a nice lunch with a friend, getting a text message and opening it up to a photo of a penis! It makes me laugh now, but at first it was a shocker. Another thing I have noticed is some of the most beautiful women have a hard time finding relationships and I could never figure out why. But now I have seen why some have a hard time. Their expectations are way to high, or they are way to picky. Be careful with that checklist you may have written down or in your head. You may have to compromise on some of the ones that aren't that important. This is debated a lot on these forums, but sometimes chemistry does not happen until the 2-3 or 4th date. Give people a chance before moving on. 1
Author Mkn1010 Posted November 2, 2016 Author Posted November 2, 2016 I might be a little bit picky but it's about staying true to my values! And to be honest the online stuff just doesn't feel right, somewhere deap down I just feel uneasy about it! I actually felt so much better after clearing my phone of all guys' numbers, dating app and even Facebook! I'm going underground haha 2
LookAtThisPOst Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 2. Never ever log on on a Friday or Saturday evening - EVER. 3. Do not log on after 8:30pm Hm, I don't quite get this part.
LookAtThisPOst Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 (edited) Doesn't matter what you do or where you go in life there will always be idiots and people that you just don't like or get on with. On line, off line... none of it matters. In the past 24 hours on OLD I have ignored 6 "Hey" messages, 4 "Whats up babes" messages, 3 "Wow you are so pretty do you fancy fun times?" and a highly original "Nice rack"... OLD is not busy in my area. I am very rural... In real life I get guys trying to grab a feel of my backside or stare at my chest... I am not even that gorgeous or "pert" any more!!! You just have to ignore them/ knock them back as appropriate and get on with doing your thing. The fact that you have narrowed it down also makes it much easier. Just cut the crap with the others and concentrate on the ones you like. Ignore and delete are very handy buttons... What's funny is, I have never sent a "What's up babe", "hey" or some brief message, mines were always well crafted to the person's and articulate and STILL get ignored. Another thing I have noticed is some of the most beautiful women have a hard time finding relationships and I could never figure out why. They can be even average looking, and still be overly picky. It seems online dating amplifies their dating criteria to unrealistic proportions. Also, some of these women I have contacted, I KNEW we'd make a good enough match to warrant JUST meeting in person. Had I met these ladies at a Meetup or some public event, I knew I would have scored her digits. I recall a woman saying that with a man she met in person. Apparently, he had contacted her on POF, she ignored him. He ran into her at a public place, he chatted her up, they hit it off, the rest is history. A few dates in, he had revealed he had contacted her on POF...and she was shocked! She said, "Had I know you were the way you were...I would have responded!!" Edited November 2, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst
stillafool Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 True love in 2016 = sending/receiving d*ck pics! I think the worst thing women did was accept the FWBs status relationship. It is heaven for the men and hell for the women. Most women think they can handle the casual sex but seem to always fall in love while the guy loves being free to have sex with multiple women. There is just not enough motivation for men to partner up because now they feel like they are missing something better if they get tied up in a relationship. 1
Alamo657 Posted November 2, 2016 Posted November 2, 2016 1) dating apps are terrible for anything else than sex, get out of it 2) meet people in the real world, that you can validate by regularly seeing them or trough mutual friends 3) consumerism has perverted the serious relationships market, because there is a high demand for sex but low demand for commitment. Living with it is necessary Good luck 1
Nightwriter Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 2. Never ever log on on a Friday or Saturday evening - EVER. 3. Do not log on after 8:30pm Hm, I don't quite get this part. Hm, I don't quite get this part. I don't get this either. Why not? To the OP Gotta develop a thick skin online. Relative anonymity + tons of guys who have no clue how to behave + easy to type when there's no reaction = d**k pics.Use online but don't rely on it exclusively. Go out and join social groups of things you're interested in.If you're logging in and just reading messages, which many attractive women do since they get flooded, close your inbox and try doing a search for any decent guys and message them first or send a wink or whatever. Maybe they even messaged you already but you don't have to wade through the avalanche of messages from guys you're not interested in.Just wash away the crud and keep a good, fun attitude. People want to date positive people. If dating becomes exhausting, take a break.All else fails, Youtube has a lot of good cat videos.
Purplexsparklesxx Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 Oh trust me I agree! Everything you said right here is so true!!! Even the sweet, romantic guys leave and are let downs in the end!
Toodaloo Posted November 3, 2016 Posted November 3, 2016 I don't get this either. Why not? Because that is when the men who are bored, lonely and just after a bit of sex or sending the infamous dick pics are logging on. That is when you are most likely to get people who are not really interested in anything substantial or lasting logging on. That is when you are most likely to get a texting buddy or hook up call. As soon as I stopped logging on during those times the "wrong" sorts contacting me went right down. It was a dramatic drop, not just a few less... I have learnt the hard way that there are certain times of day/ days of the week when you just do not log on. Because if you do its penis and lewd message central. You may not agree or think I am crazy but proof is in the pudding. Its there. Good times are Sunday mornings (any time Sunday but Sunday mornings are good for people who are active and take an interest in life), and around 4-6pm Monday - Wednesday. As soon as you get to Thursday you get the guys looking for a quick bang over the weekend contacting you. By Sunday that is all over but the people who have a life and don't just think with their trouser snake usually have a bit of time to take a look and see who is about. That is when you want your profile top of the list so that they can see it.
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