Pimbolie94 Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 Hey everyone, First time for me actually posting stuff instead of reading. I'm sorry if the story you are about to read seem a little chaotic, my thoughts are all over the place... Me and my ex broke up about a month ago, we've been together for six years. He is 24 and I'm 22 right now... we've had an amazing relationship and decided to buy a house (his house financially because I'm a student still) and start living together about a year ago. I noticed he'd acted differently around mid August this year.. I asked him if something was wrong but he'd kept telling me now. You may guess... things went from bad to worse. He'd get annoyed quite easily and me too (because I knew something was wrong but he wouldn't tell me) we've started going in this downward spiral and around the first week of October he said he wanted to break up. I asked him if he wanted to go to counseling or maybe a break to get some rest and gather our thoughts but he told me it was done. A lot of messy things happened after that, I had about one week to gather all my stuff and move back with my parents (the most loving and helpfully people I know). I tried to ask him why he wanted to break up and he told me he was done fighting (well do you think I like to fight everyday?) And that it was about small thing. Tried to talk to him a week after moving out to get some more closure but he was so angry and annoyed I went home with nothing but a "I need space" and me saying "okay, it hurts like hell but okay". I've asked him if the three weeks of fighting were the reason and he told me that it partly was... he told me we both played a big part (but it kinda sounded like he was only blaming me because he gave explicit examples) Because of all the s**t that happend, I know we can't be together anymore. At least that's what my head is saying.. my heart is saying something totally different... I'm afraid of letting him go and moving on.... because if I let him do that than I'm history... it hurts so much to know that he wants to move on as well (although he told me he felt like s**t and that the house was empty and lonely)... maybe I'm just afraid om ending up alone or something... but actually, I really want to have a relationship with him and go on growing together and building a life together... all of that can't happen anymore and I'm heartbroken... I just don't know what to do.. I know that we both need space and I'm willing to do that for him and myself. But I'm so afraid he will move on very quickly and forget about me and never talk to me again... I'm reading this back now and yes it's very confusing... I'm sorry!
umirano Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 Don't worry, it's not a confusing post. I'm very sorry for you. I totally see how this must be hard for you. I can't say much other than you can't make people stay with you if they want to leave. It's better to mentally adjust to the new situation now. Take joy and energy from the fact that your parents are there for you. Live healthy and be busy with something (work, school, hobbies, socially) I've just been dumped too.
Kelley Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 You both need some space and time. He has asked for the space give it to him. Trust me he will never forget you especially in such a short space of time. You need to look after yourself now and take one day at a time. Take time and no contact to try and heal a little and move on. I know it's really difficult and it hurts like hell but you just have to do it. Don't worry about him, don't worry about never finding anyone else, love yourself first. If he has a change of heart he knows where to find you. Don't wait or live in hope because it may never happen. Just get on and just look after yourself. Use the free time you have now to improve yourself. Join a yoga class, take up running etc something that will make you feel better too. Just take it one day at a time, cry it out, start a journal it has helped me. Take care.
Author Pimbolie94 Posted October 31, 2016 Author Posted October 31, 2016 Thank you for replying! Luckily i'm someone who doesn't like to be indoors all the time. I've started working out (going to the gym, first with friends but no i can go by myself) and i have great and loving friends and family around me. I guess i'm being very impatient trying to force myself to get over him and stop feeling the pain and confusing thoughts... Funny because if i really think about it, it hurts me just as much to think when he and i start to move on our relationship is completely over. For now, i have two completely opposite thoughts in my head: 1. i want to move on because i know that getting back together is difficult and not good for me because he can't give me what i want. (someone who is more independent and knows how to communicate better about feelings or when something is wrong. Time and space is all we both need 2. Afraid to move on or letting him move on because then our relationship and communication will be completely over for now. After six years i think i got very comfortable having him around but not anymore and thats a change a have to go through. I will focus on myself for now! Thank you so much for replying Kelley and Umirano. @ Umirano, stay strong, if you ever need someone to talk to. I will be there for you 1
No_Go Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 I don't think he'd move on quickly from such a long-term relationship even if he wants to, it will be hard. Are you in contact right know? If so, keep it very light. If the fights were the problem - eliminate them. Implement the following: 1) apologize for the bad times 2) thank for the good times 3) share with him about your exciting life 4) show care / thought about his life 5) encourage him for something that he wants to achieve 6) remind him about a great memory of something you've done together 7) talk with optimism about your future plans Not all the seven in the same time obviously but keep the communication to these and only these topics. Keep us posted how it goes;)
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