Moved to his city, out of he blue break up after 3 years

[lemonade041289]

Background: I am Korean-Canadian. He was Swiss. After 6 months of LDR, I moved to where he was, London, UK. For the past 3 years, I have maintained a multiple roles in this new city – a great girlfriend, excellent employee and a cool friend.

 

Out of the Blue: When he was on a holiday in Saint Tropez, we texted each other “I love you”, “[photo] So cute! Thought of you”. We talked about our future and upcoming events. But he returned and announced, “I want to break up. I no longer love you. You’re not the one. I just can’t see you as a mother of my future children.”

 

Discard/Purge: I tried to hug and kiss him but he grabbed and pushed me off so hard that I was physically hurt. He packed a bag and left immediately. The next day, he wired me a few months worth of his portion of rent and told me to figure out my life until I go back to Canada. He said he needs complete privacy and I was to leave him alone.

 

Lack of Empathy: 1 month later, I contacted him because we still had our flat together and I deserved more explanation. He ignored but later called and said, “We made a deal that you receive my money and you do the admin work. Don’t ever ask me for anything ever again. I know I made the right decision and I am very happy about it. We’re over. Accept it.”

 

Me, Moving on: I hit a new low that day but I was smart and knew that the first step was “Detox”. The next day, I clearly communicated to him, “I understand. I want to move on too. Help me by not contacting me for a while.” I packed his belongings and arranged a collection.

 

No Abidance: For the next 4 weeks, he’d email once every 3-5 days – Hi, do this, do that, and pay this, handle that. He once even ordered a friend to pick up two kitchen pots from our kitchen. Did I allow him? Yes, I let him win little fights so I can win the war – myself moving on 100%. But at some point, I did confront him about his tone and he responded, “We’re not dating anymore. Why should I be nice to you?”

 

Me, Cutting off: I returned his money so he'd feel less entitled. Since then, he hasn't contacted me.

 

Last Strike: An old friend asked me if we had broken up because she’s seen his profile on Bumble for a while. She sent me a screenshot of his profile. It said “26 years old, Swiss. Lived in Canada. Love Mediterranean girls.”

 

Me, Now: It’s been 2 months now. I’m surprisingly well but I have lots of questions unanswered. What happened? Who was he? What did I do to deserve this? I don’t know but all I can do is love myself, get that self-esteem back because I know I deserve better.

Edited October 30, 2016 by lemonade041289

[CristinaKass]

I'm so sorry that you are hurting and going through this. He has a weird behaviour, When you were dating did you have troubles or something? Is it posible that he was cheating and is now with the new girl?

[lemonade041289]

Weird behaviour, yes, definitely. My denial phase lasted longer because of this. I was like ohh, he's acting weird, it's a phase. But no, he was just an *******.

 

Cheating, he probably did! It probably started in Saint Tropez, didn't last and now he's looking for a similar Mediterranean girl on Bumble.

[CristinaKass]

Ok I think for now you wont get any explanation (obviously you want and you deserve want) but pushing him to explain it to you wont make him do it, it will do the opposite. You can maybe text him (do not call him or ask him to meet up) (texting is the best way to contact him now) you can text him saying something like you need some time for yourselft now, to think and to invest in yourself so do not contact me in a few weeks. Or something like that (get the idea)... then do NC for another month, work in yourself, try to think what went wrong so you can be better in your next relationship (with him or with someone else) and then after NC you can start contact with a simple and casual text like hey i was at the sushi place and i thought of you, hope you're doing great... and validate VALIDATE and validate what he is feeling... maybe you will never get an explanation so you need another 30 days NC to forgive and forget even tho maybe he doesnt deserve it!