ASG Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 So I've been talking to this guy from OKC for *months*. To be honest, I had kinda given up on meeting him, since he seemed to be interested in being penpals only... But in the last few weeks he ramped it up a bit and there were plans for meeting up (I've been out of town). This week we kinda talked about meeting today (Sunday) since I was gonna be in town. We talked about going to see a movie and doing drinks, but no set plan was made of where and when. Then yesterday I didn't hear from him. I texted him early evening, asking what the plan was, and still nothing. Honestly at the end of the night I kinda gave up on it and was a bit miffed that he hadn't confirmed a plan. He texted late this morning, but by that point I was not in the mood anymore and had made other plans for my day. His excuse for not saying anything yesterday is that he was out and didn't want to be anti social... which I get. but he was online at points... so it's not like he couldn't have dropped me a quick text just firming up plans. Did I overreact by cancelling? Am I being anal for wanting to plan my day and knowing whether it's gonna be an early afternoon/mid afternoon/early evening thing before hand? 1
Herbalist Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 I don't really see it as a matter of overreact vs.. something else. Your personalities are obviously just not really compatible anyway. So whatever, you know? Oh well and move on. 1
JewelD Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 He sounds like a douche and a waste of time. I learned from experience that talking to people online for extended periods of time without actually meeting them is a mistake. For all you know he might live with his girlfriend or his wife. Regardless, it doesn't sound like he's that interested in meeting you or he would have texted you to confirm those plans. It's not antisocial to look at your phone to tell someone when you're going to meet them and I guarantee he was on his phone during whatever little outing he had anyway. I would let this guy go. 2
Author ASG Posted October 30, 2016 Author Posted October 30, 2016 He sounds like a douche and a waste of time. I learned from experience that talking to people online for extended periods of time without actually meeting them is a mistake. For all you know he might live with his girlfriend or his wife. Regardless, it doesn't sound like he's that interested in meeting you or he would have texted you to confirm those plans. It's not antisocial to look at your phone to tell someone when you're going to meet them and I guarantee he was on his phone during whatever little outing he had anyway. I would let this guy go. This is my take on it as well... We've been texting on whatsapp and I could see he had been online a few times, as we'd been texting the night before and he saw my last msg in the morning... he was even online AFTER I sent my text, but never read my message. So it's not like he didn't even have his phone with him... A quick text takes 2 seconds, even if just to set a time, and look at venues later... 2
lakerman34 Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 As a guy, if I'm looking forward to seeing a girl, I could be having drinks with the most interesting person alive, I'd STILL find SOME excuse to reply to the text asking if we were still up for drinks -- and I'd probably say something to my company like, "guess who has a date tomorrow night? This guy." He's all excuses. Men who make excuses are either not interested and don't know how to vocalize that, OR just simply a waste of time. Move on. 3
Methodical Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 His excuse for not saying anything yesterday is that he was out and didn't want to be anti social... which I get. but he was online at points... so it's not like he couldn't have dropped me a quick text just firming up plans. To me, when a person's online presence is apparent, especially on social media type platforms, yet they can't find time to send a confirmation response, even if it's a quick reply via text message, then it's time to move on. He obviously had time for online interaction, just not with you. Follow your gut instinct. 4
Versacehottie Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 It's not antisocial to look at your phone to tell someone when you're going to meet them and I guarantee he was on his phone during whatever little outing he had anyway. Exactly! I don't think you overreacted. You just did exactly the right thing---for yourself. An overreaction is if you got angry or miffed and showed that to him (which I hope you didn't). I think you did the right thing for you by making other plans and then conveying that to him in a factual way. The real message he should take from this is that if he wants to see you, he's going to have to be more prompt with making plans, not ignore you, etc because you keep your life moving forward and don't wait around for people who don't prioritize you. Getting angry or miffed shows that you care and if you were to start dating he will use this against you (maybe even unconsciously) in the future. Basically your actions showed/need to show that if you don't prioritize me, why would I save time and top level priority for you. Let him make significant effort from now on. And still evaluate wisely, he may not be worth your time at all. My guess is that even if you handled this moment well, it may take more than just this one incidence of you prioritizing yourself to unravel all the damage that talking to him for 3 months without action on his part has done. good luck 1
Satu Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 snip Did I overreact by cancelling? Am I being anal for wanting to plan my day and knowing whether it's gonna be an early afternoon/mid afternoon/early evening thing before hand? No and no. You did the right thing. 1
smackie9 Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 Tip: never chat with some guy FOR MONTHS. If they don't step up and ask you out after the first two conversations, next them. IMO if they have any real interest, they will ask you out asap. 2
Author ASG Posted October 30, 2016 Author Posted October 30, 2016 Tip: never chat with some guy FOR MONTHS. If they don't step up and ask you out after the first two conversations, next them. IMO if they have any real interest, they will ask you out asap. To be honest, I agree with this. I only continued entertaining him because I like chatting. And it was innocuous enough. But clearly neither of our interest levels are high. Otherwise it would have happened much sooner. 1
lakerman34 Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 Tip: never chat with some guy FOR MONTHS. If they don't step up and ask you out after the first two conversations, next them. IMO if they have any real interest, they will ask you out asap. Again, this. I'm in a similar situation as you -- talking to a girl thru OKC, she is working on contract in Mexico. There IS interest, we already know EXACTLY what we're doing for the first 3 dates. We've even gone so far as to say "if things work out, December vacation together?" If a guy is into you, he'll be as giddy as getting things started as you are.
joseb Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 To be honest, I agree with this. I only continued entertaining him because I like chatting. And it was innocuous enough. But clearly neither of our interest levels are high. Otherwise it would have happened much sooner. I don't know why this is always on the guy - were dammed if we do, dammed if we don't. Ask someone out quickly - it's the old "I want to get to know you more first". It's a two way street - if you want to meet, then drop some hints. 99% of guys don't want to be pen-pals, but I feel about 50% of women do. 2
Author ASG Posted October 30, 2016 Author Posted October 30, 2016 I don't know why this is always on the guy - were dammed if we do, dammed if we don't. Ask someone out quickly - it's the old "I want to get to know you more first". It's a two way street - if you want to meet, then drop some hints. 99% of guys don't want to be pen-pals, but I feel about 50% of women do. I was ambivalent about him to start with. And I like the man to be the pursuer. So I was waiting for him to take the lead. He didn't. Not for months. (thought the past 6 weeks I have been away). I didn't *want* to be a pen pal, but I have no issues with it in general... But he never tried to move out of the pen pal area until recently.
Toodaloo Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 He is a classic flake. Keeps you texting to keep you interested just in case nothing better comes along... Get rid. Far too many men and women out there like this and all it is is a waste of time. You didn't over react. You got a life. Good on you! Carry on as you are!
Els Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 You definitely didn't overreact. It's not like you were expecting two hours of banter or anything... just a quick text to confirm plans the night before. I would've done the same thing you did.
jen1447 Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 Did I overreact by cancelling? Am I being anal for wanting to plan my day and knowing whether it's gonna be an early afternoon/mid afternoon/early evening thing before hand? Nope, nothing wrong w valuing your time and expecting other ppl to respect that. And it's not like you flipped out over it, you just planned your day according to what you knew.
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