sickoflove11 Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 I had a brief fling with this guy that for some reason I can't get out of my head 5 months later... He was seeing a married woman, 10 years older than him, and she has children. It was an on and off thing for a few years apparently. He's one of those guys that can be so sweet and charming to women but then a complete *******. He now has a gf who's 22 (he's 24). She is of course really pretty and looks perfect. I know things are not always what they seem, but I can't help but feel so jealous that he's found someone and is happy, and I'm alone. I know this is cliche and a bit mean to say, but he doesn't deserve someone good. He deserves to be with the cheating older woman. I finally got used to them being together and now he's actually found someone "normal". I have absolutely no hope of finding anyone. My anxiety holds me back from going on dates and dating apps or sites are so unnatural to me. Watching someone else move on with there life is so hard when I'm still struggling. I don't even know why I am, because I know I don't want to be with him. I just know I need to get over this and I'm not sure how..
Satu Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 snip He now has a gf who's 22 (he's 24). She is of course really pretty and looks perfect. I know things are not always what they seem, but I can't help but feel so jealous that he's found someone and is happy, and I'm alone. I know this is cliche and a bit mean to say, but he doesn't deserve someone good. He deserves to be with the cheating older woman. I finally got used to them being together and now he's actually found someone "normal". I have absolutely no hope of finding anyone. My anxiety holds me back from going on dates and dating apps or sites are so unnatural to me. Watching someone else move on with there life is so hard when I'm still struggling. I don't even know why I am, because I know I don't want to be with him. I just know I need to get over this and I'm not sure how.. None of this is about him. Its all about you, and the feelings you have about yourself. What you've written basically boils down to, "I'm not good enough; nobody will ever want me and love me." In reality, you have the same value as anybody else in this world, and the same right to be happy, but you don't feel that. So you need to work on your feelings. I would recommend that you start journalling; just write about your thoughts and feelings, and what you want out of life. Journalling is a highly effective way of getting to know and understand yourself better. If your anxiety is very pronounced, you should speak to your doctor, and consider getting into therapy. There is a way forward for you, but you have to work on your issues. Nobody can love you more than you love yourself. Take care. 3
Kelley Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 As Satu said it's all about you not him. You need to work on your own happiness, another person can't give you that, you need to find that for yourself. Forget the dating sites and all the dating stuff at the moment and look at where you are at. You need to build your confidence and move on properly. It has taken a lot for me to come to terms with the fact I'm on my own, but you know what I'm OK with that now. I'm filling my life with a lot of positive things, doing things I didn't have time to do before. I'm feeling more confident and strong again. When you are happy in your skin and with your own life you have strong boundaries. You attract healthy men with the same outlook on life too. Do what you have to do for you. The rest will follow. 1
Satu Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 OP: You can spend some of your time as a single person cultivating a solid Sense of Agency, which will serve you well as you continue to grow, and move forward in life. Sense of Agency "Your ability to take action, be effective, influence your own life, and assume responsibility for your behavior are important elements in what you bring to a relationship. This sense of agency is essential for you to feel in control of your life: to believe in your capacity to influence your own thoughts and behavior, and have faith in your ability to handle a wide range of tasks or situations. Having a sense of agency influences your stability as a separate person; it is your capacity to be psychologically stable, yet resilient or flexible, in the face of conflict or change." (Credit due to Mary C Lamia.) Take care. 2
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