Zoe11374 Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been dating somewhat seriously since April. We just got an apartment together, I am basically relocating about an hour away to live in the area that he is from. He is a very loving, affectionate and helpful caring person. He is always willing to go out of his way to help others. There of been a couple of times he has said things to me though that I'm not sure quite how to take them. For example, yesterday we went shopping, we got out of the car and as we walked to the front of the store we realized we forgot the coupons in the car. He then responded to me by calling me names. He then smiled and I stood there in shock. I asked him why he would say something like that to me, and he said it was funny, and he jokes with his friends like that. He then said I was being straightlaced and uptight. I continue to address the matter and then he said, oh my god are you still talking about this?. I then asked him for an apology, and he said he'll apologize only if it's something that hurt me for whatever reason, he doesn't regret saying it because it's a big deal. I don't know if I'm over analyzing things and being too sensitive. He says that I am. He's been super affectionate since then, I think he can sense that I'm upset. Any advice? Edited November 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T
Kamille Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 He's being dismissive. Perhaps he jokes like that with his friends, but you told him that to you it was offensive. That should be enough for him to stop the behaviour. And he could at least recognize you're allowed to feel offended by that comment (I would be).
Zapbasket Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 Has something like this ever happened before? Setting aside the issue of the epithets for a moment, it's a huge red flag that he is so dismissive of your feelings. Maybe he does it with his friends and it's cool, but YOU don't like it. He should respect your feelings not only on this but all matters. And then, to make it worse, when you understandably continued saying how much those words bothered you, he dismissed you even more by saying, "Are you still on this?" And then the words? No, there really isn't a context I can think of where "stupid b*tch" is just a funny little teasing comment. If he'd squeezed your shoulder affectionately while calling you a "space cadet" or something, that'd be different. This sounds to me like one of those instances where someone tries to get away with something very degrading or insulting by couching it as "just a joke; what's the matter with you that you can't take a joke?" I'd take a good look at your relationship before you invest more in it, rearranging your life and such. I have a hard time believing this is just an isolated incident. The name calling, perhaps...but not the disregard for your feelings.
Gaeta Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 Joke or not, I would never want to be with a man that thinks it's funny to call me a stupid b*th. If this is the type of relationship he wants with a woman then I am not the right woman for him. You tell this bozzo you are not his friend, you are his girlfriend and expects to be treated as such. If he EVER tries that joke on you than you'll kick his ass back to the trailer park where he's from. 1
Gaeta Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 I read your last thread. I can't believe you are 42 and you wonder if this behavior is ok!! Is this the married guy who doesn't know if he wants to divorce yet?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 Frankly, any person who speaks that way to another human being for something as innocuous as that is an ingrained JACK-WEINER! There is absolutely nothing 'funny' about that kind of language, to friends or no. It is an indication of how he views the world and others. Also, he, like others have said, is dismissive. WOW. You stand your ground OP. I feel that this sort of behavior won't be isolated.
BaileyB Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 (edited) Agreed! Joking or not joking, any conversation in which another person called me names like that would be our last. And, dare I say... You have moved in together after six months. You don't really know this guy. I think you should have done some more due diligence before moving in together. Be careful. Edited November 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language ~T
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