Need advice on Scorpio Ex Boyfriend

[Fenty]

Hi Everyone! (Sorry about the typo on the title) - Need Advice on Scorpio Ex Boyfriend

 

I apologize for the length of this question. I really need advice and it'd mean the world to me if you can take the time to read up on my situation, thanks!

 

My ex (30) and I (21) dated for over a year. It was love at first sight. He was the most amazing man I've ever met. We both agreed we've never been happier. We had a great relationship.

 

Before I go into detail; this man was single for 5 years before I met him. He was hurt and cheated on the past by multiple women. He's very emotional and insecure (He even mentioned that he had a

"problem"...which he would not go into depth about). On our first date, he cried in my arms and told me he was tired of being rejected and hurt and just wanted to settle down and start a family and just overall be with someone who makes him happy.

 

My ex told me he never had a woman treat him so well before, and that he was the happiest man in the world and was so fortunate to have me in his life. I took great care of him, and always made sure he had a smile on his face. (As he did the same with me). I spoiled the heck out of him, too!

 

My ex began complaining about how miserable his life was at work, and how he couldn't stand it anymore. He talked to his Mom about it, and she said he could move in with her if he'd like. (She lives 3 hours away). He ended up accepting her offer. He invited me to move in with him and his Mom. At first it sounded terrific, but the thought of it scared me. Quitting my job, leaving my family and moving 3 hours away to a town I've never been too and his Mom who I never met was just overall crazy! Especially since we've only been dating for 4 months. I was still getting to know the guy. Anyways, I politely declined his offer. He was very upset. He sent me pictures of himself crying, and was in hysterics when we said our goodbyes. (Definitely one of the hardest days in my life).

 

I promised him we would make this work. 3 hours away isn't a big deal. My work even allowed me to take a week off every month to come visit him. Which was perfect. I went up to visit him for the first time back in January. I loved it up there. The town was perfect, and his family was super sweet. I would have definitely enjoyed myself up there if I decided to move in with him. After I left, I been dropping hints. I wanted him to ask me to move in with him again. He ended up asking me, and I said yes.

 

I packed my things. I was ready to leave in a week, I was so excited! Shortly after, he ended up sending me a message saying he doesn't want me to move in with him and his Mom. (Scorpio Revenge?). He realized how upset I was, and ended up asking me again. Of course, I said yes. Then once again, he rejected me. I loved the man, so I decided to suck it up and just continue the long distance relationship. This went on for a long 8 months.

 

I told him I'd put money away and we could get an apartment together sometime in the future, and he could move back home. He agreed, and was very excited about the idea. (I worked two jobs, was able to put 10 grand away for our apartment; was rejected once again. He said he wasn't ready).

 

I noticed as the months went by, he wasn't loving me the same as he used to. He used to drop off flowers at my door, drive to my house after work to give me a kiss and tell me he loved and missed me, taking me on special dates; just overall being a gentleman and spoiling me and making sure i'm always loved and cared for.

 

It really confuses me. It's like he's a totally different person ever since he moved. (He mentioned that moving up there was a big mistake). He wasn't as loving as he used to be. He never got me anything for Valentine's Day, or our Year Anniversary.(I would have been more than happy with a letter or a simple card from the Dollar Store. I don't expect much). He refuses(secretly) to spend money on me, and has me pay for everything. Including his gas, groceries, breakfast/lunch/dinner, haircuts, new clothes, etc. You name it. He never once took me out or treated me whenever I came to visit him. He never visited me either. I was always the one who had to drive 3 hours away to see him. At first I thought, huh. Maybe he isn't happy? Is he using me? Does he not love me anymore? But the way he acts towards me, and treats me makes me think he does love and care for me. I was emotionally satisfied.

 

(When he moved; he lost his job and couldn't afford to pay any of his bills and has fell into a depression. He was also a gym rat; and of course they had no gyms in town; so his self esteem and confidence dropped drastically from not being able to work out and lift weights. He really depended on the gym).

 

I knew his situation, so I never felt bad about helping him out and spending money on him. I just wanted to make sure he was happy and cared for.

 

He would break up with me multiple times. Probably a total of 4-5 times in 6 months. He would call me crying telling me how he made a horrible mistake, and that he wants me back. Of course, I took him back all 4-5 times. (Long distance was tough on the both of us).

 

(He would always cry and breakdown and beg me not to leave whenever I had to drive back home)

 

Anyways, here is the good part.

 

He broke up with me 3 months ago. I took a week off work and was planning to come visit him. The night before I was about to leave, he canceled on me. He told me not to come see him.

 

The multiple reasons/excuses for the breakup that he mentioned to me:

 

"I can't love you if I don't love myself"

"I can't offer you anything, you deserve better"

"I don't love you anymore"

"I don't feel a connection with you anymore"

"I need to focus on myself"

"I'm not in the right place of mind to be in a relationship"

 

 

I thought okay, it's just one of his "tests" or "mind games" that he's been playing ever since. So I decided to go into No Contact. 3 months pass, nothing. Not a single word from him. I did notice he was stalking my social media, though. About 2 months in, he deletes/unfollows me on all my accounts. I thought huh, that's pretty weird. How have I not heard from him!? He was always the one who came crawling back.

 

I bumped into his Manager a couple weeks ago. He mentioned to me that he would love to have my ex working for him again. (He was making $30/hr there). I thought oh wow, this is a great opportunity. He can get his job back and move back in with his family down here and we can start over and be happy again. So after 3 months of absolute NC, I sent him a message about work and what his old manager mentioned to me. I made sure I didn't bring up the idea of him moving back home, or putting any pressure on him whatsoever. It was just a friendly little text. I also apologized for the way we left things.

 

He thanked me, and said there is no need to apologize, and that I will always have a place in his heart and he will always be here for me if I ever need anything. (Aww )

 

I began initiating little contact. Friendly little conversations. It was nearly impossible because he would wait 16-24 hours to respond to EVERY SINGLE text. I don't know if he was trying to get a reaction out of me or what? Anyways, I asked how him and his Mom are doing. Days went by, nothing. Haven't heard from him. Then all of a sudden at 11:30 at night, I get a (drunk?) text from him saying he wants naughty pictures, and that he is "so damn h0rny". What the hell? I was in complete shock. I can't believe how disrespectful he was acting. Totally unlike himself.

 

So I messaged him back saying; "I'm assuming that message was for someone else?" He replied "No". I replied back and said "I'm not interested, sorry". Never heard from him since.

 

Has anyone ever been in this position before? He is the most confusing man I've ever met. I can't believe he had the balls to even ask me for photos after he broke my heart. I've been in bed crying over him for months. I don't know if him sending me that drunk text was a test, or if he still has feelings for me or what. I have no idea. I don't understand why he is being so cold towards me. I have never done anything to hurt him. There was no cheating or lying involved. I was always honest and loyal. I did everything for this man. I can't believe he could toss me aside like I meant nothing to him.

 

I don't know if he is still upset over the fact I turned him down on his offer to move in with him?(Which was 10 months ago). And he blames me for everything that happened to him? (i.e. losing his job, can't pay bills, etc.) He life has went downhill very fast and I feel like he is secretly blaming me for it. Maybe he thinks things would have been different if I ended up moving in with him? I have no idea.

 

Any advice is appreciated. I'm so stuck. I don't know if I should give up and move on, or if I should keep fighting for him. He means the world to me.

 

For now, I'm going back into no contact.

 

Thank you for reading!!

Edited October 29, 2016 by Fenty

[Steven1]

I'd stay clear of him if I was you imo.

 

I think he has a lot of self issues and problems that he needs to work out before he can be with anyone in a serious relationship. As much as you liked him and as nice as he may have been in the beginning of the relationship, this is often the case. The beginning is often the calm before the storm before all the problems start. You did mention that he told you he had a "problem" on the first date, and to break down in tears on the first date and go into all out detail about his past relationships, to me personally that would ring alarm bells.

 

I think from the time he spent away from you his outlook on the relationship changed and that's when those "problems" of his came about and into the relationship, and this may have been the case in his previous relationships. I think him cancelling on you multiple times for no reason, to then go no contact and to randomly send you a text asking for pictures, that's a clear sign that this isn't going to work for you in my opinion. Would you want a relationship where from the sounds of it he would always blow hot and cold and you would never really know where you stood with him? Just think, you could of spent your entire savings on a deposit for a flat, for him to cancel on you on moving in day!

 

I think you are much, much better off not being in a relationship with him, and if it was me I would stay in no contact and wouldn't look back. Your savings anyway is a good position to start from, you have a very good opportunity for yourself here and a very good base to start from. There are always better people come a long for relationships, I myself learned that, and I, like you, thought there would be nobody else, and I was very wrong.

 

Don't go back into contact with him, focus on yourself for a while and someone better will come a long!

[Crescendo]

He's kind of giving Scorpios a terrible rep. I am one myself. I just got here. But this post intrigued me because I am one myself. I'd steer clear.

[ExpatInItaly]

This has nothing to do with his zodiac sign and everything to do with his mental and emotional instability.

 

The behaviour you are describing is not normal for a 30-year-old man. Sending pictures of himself crying, multiple break-ups and the inability to support himself are very clear indicators he has serious problems. These are not problems you can fix. His actions were not loving or caring. Unfortunately, it was easy for him to manipulate and use you. You were in love with him and he took full advantage of that.

 

Moving in with him would have been an absolute disaster, and you were very smart to say no the first time. It probably wouldn't have actually happened anyway. He'd have backed out if you'd agreed then. Living with him would have been awful.

 

This was a very one-sided, toxic and dysfunctional relationship. In the future, when a man cries in your arms on the first date and tells you has a "problem" which he won't disclose, you should run in the other direction. That was the first clue he's not playing with a full deck. I would not have let him get away with not revealing what that "problem" was, exactly. Stay away from him. He is bad news.