DacaInaru Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 I GIVE UP!! So i meet the man i'm thinking is the an all around nice guy.. and that we can get to know each other better even though we've known each other for a long time.. before going on a few dates.. and he tells me his heart isn't into it.. So what the hell.. what was all the hugging and kissing about.. thank goodness I have my rules when it comes to sleeping with guys.. I'm done with men.. this total sucks.. either they are wanting to change you or they are terrified of you.. why can't i find someone who will want to be with me just for me.. hell i'm not that bad of a person.. and after 3 dates I don't think you can just date and feel love for someone.. so what the hell.. was he expecting to love me? after 3 dates.. come on.. Why can't he just be honest and say.. well I didn't like this and this about you etc etc.. and not use the my heart aint in it ****.. what the hell.. whatever.. you know.. his loss.. i'm just pissed
alphamale Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by DacaInaru So what the hell.. what was all the hugging and kissing about.. thank goodness I have my rules when it comes to sleeping with guys.. Two people can still hug & kiss even though they are not the love of your life .. and after 3 dates I don't think you can just date and feel love for someone.. so what the hell.. was he expecting to love me? after 3 dates.. come on.. That ubiquitous "chemistry" between two people is either there or it is not. Usually it is one-sided. He did not have it so you cannot blame him. And 3 or 4 dates is enuf time for someone to find out if the "chem" is there. Usually you know right away... Why can't he just be honest and say.. well I didn't like this and this about you etc etc.. and not use the my heart aint in it ****.. what the hell.. whatever.. you know.. his loss.. I think that he was honest....you want him to elaborate and say something like "oh, i'm not attracted to the shape of your nose", or...."your butt is too wide". Come on, lets get real here DACAINARU>>>
westernxer Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by DacaInaru either they are wanting to change you or they are terrified of you.. They don't really want to change you... they'd rather just sleep with you. If that's what you mean by change, then I agree. By the way, I've been that guy... the one who says his heart isn't in it. I'm not the only one, either.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 I agree he was being honest in telling you that his heart wasn't in it. This means he didn't have feelings for you, or if he thought he did in the beginning, they weren't growing the way he had hoped. Nothing good would come out of him giving HIS opinion of what he doesn't like about you. Nothing that would do you any good, as it's HIS opinion. You lacked something that he was looking for, and it's probably one of those things that even if you "changed yourself" it wouldn't matter, his decision has been made.
XNemesisX Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 It's probably nothing to do with your looks as he obviously was attracted to you enough to want to go on some dates. There was probably something in your personality that he didn't find compatible. I would think about 90% if not all of it was personality/chemistry so don't think you are not attractive enough. I went and spent the weekend with this guy I have dated before and he always acted like he was CRAZY about me and head over heels in love with me until we spent almost 3 days straight together! He did tell me that I needed to "toughen up" because I didn't want to dive in a lake drunk and didn't like 4wheeling. Also, he said I was too bossy at one point (while I was still there) and that I mumble or something. (I do when I'm tired, ooops!) I sort of think this is why he appears to have lost interest in me. Ah well, doesn't matter there were things I didn't like about him too. He was fat, messed up teeth, and bigger boobs than most women, and had a kid with an underage girl. That's why I didn't like him the first time we dated. But whatever....I'm from Ky and he's not and I'm still not country enough for him! Go figure! Basically, you just have to remind yourself of this. You only feel something for this guy because there is NO ONE ELSE right now. It's the scarcity rule (?). You won't give a sh*t about him in a few months, hell even a few weeks. After just 3 dates you will have no problem moving on since your feelings weren't really intense yet.
Author DacaInaru Posted July 11, 2005 Author Posted July 11, 2005 I know you guys all have valid points.. its just frustrating to date guys who always want to change me last guy I dated all he talked about was oh that will change or this will change and we weren't even near each other as it was a long distance thing.. then with this guy he told me in one of our conversations that I scare him.. I think some guys can't deal with women who have there own.. and im frank about saying that i'm not looking for someone to take care of nor am i looking for someone to take care of me.. I just want someone who will be ok with the way I am.. its just all frustrating.. makes me not want to date at all .. to much trouble.. and i'm just getting tired of the same old.. maybe there is something I have to change.. not sure why I attract the same type of men all the time..
Author DacaInaru Posted July 11, 2005 Author Posted July 11, 2005 no not a career woman.. but.. I have my own house, car, great job and I do have a daughter.. and I'm very self sufficient and pretty much have gotten what i've wanted without much help from anyone.. and considering my background and history that everyone who knows me knows about because i'm very open about it.. i've come a long way.. and i'm proud of that..
westernxer Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 I knew it... Some guys (most) don't like women who already have it all. The line of thinking being, you already have everything you need, so why do you need me? I certainly couldn't put up with it...
Author DacaInaru Posted July 11, 2005 Author Posted July 11, 2005 what so bad about a woman having her own stuff??? I mean.. I worked hard.. i'm 34 years old.. i'm not little girl.. and its not like he's some spring chicken... he's 57!! which I think was another issue.. i'm only 4 years older then his oldest son..
Rosalind Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Nothing wrong with having your own stuff, DacaInaru - and you SHOULD feel proud. Could it have been the age-gap? I think so.....
XNemesisX Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Age-gap was probably a big factor although I can't fathom why on earth a man that OLD would pass up a younger woman Anyway, you can do better anyway. You are in your prime (I think 30s is supposed to be sexual prime for women?) This man will be on Viagra (if he isn't already) and do you really want to look at wrinkly balls? Sorry if that was gruesome...just trying to make you laugh.
Author DacaInaru Posted July 12, 2005 Author Posted July 12, 2005 thanks.. you did make me laugh..LOL.. You know I just think i'm too intense for most guys.. I won't date anyone my age cause i find the men my age for the most part want to party etc.. and thats just not my thang.. oh well.. Its just that I really liked him.. as a person.. and I still do.. but i guess I was hopeing things would work out cause it would have been the first time I would have been on an equal relationship with someone.. I guess.. you learn from each experience.. maybe someday I'll find someone thats just perfect for me.. and i'm just perfect for them.. until such time.. i guess the search continues.. sigh.. it still sucks..
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 It really doesn't matter why he broke it off. If you want to change something, then change the type of guys you are going after if, as you say, they're all the same. How old is your daughter? Maybe at his age he doesn't want the responsibility of raising another child since his are all grown and even if you say he won't have to, he will feel responsible if he's in a relationship with you. Or, maybe he is just shallow and worried about what other people will think of him dating a younger woman...although most older men would love to be seen with a much younger woman. IMO he's not worth it. If you have it all as you say, then keep doing things that make you happy (including guilt-free casual sex if you want it), and the right guy will come along when you least expect it. I keep telling myself this, but I've only been single for six months.
Author DacaInaru Posted July 12, 2005 Author Posted July 12, 2005 He has two younger children also he has a 12 and 13 year old.. and my daughter is 9 years old.. true it doesnt matter why he broke it off.. you know though.. lol.. he happened to be a guy that is totally opposite of what i would normally date.. another thing is that how soon is your heart supposed to be in a relationship.. i mean.. I treat everyone with respect and kindness and if I like them as a person I show them that I like them.. however, I don't believe that your heart can get involved in a relationship after just a few dates.. other words I don't believe in love at first sight.. but I guess some people do.. oh well..
westernxer Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 You know when you like someone... Education or career advancement doesn't change that. You just haven't found a guy who rocks your world. Don't worry, you've got time. Just keep dating.
pearlsasinger Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by DacaInaru he happened to be a guy that is totally opposite of what i would normally date.. another thing is that how soon is your heart supposed to be in a relationship.. i mean.. I treat everyone with respect and kindness and if I like them as a person I show them that I like them.. however, I don't believe that your heart can get involved in a relationship after just a few dates.. I think it's good that you gave someone a fair chance, although he did not seem to be your "type." I think you're on the right track with that out-of-the-box thinking...maybe go out with more guys you might not expect to click with...I had no idea that my boyfriend and I would hit it off so well and date as long as we have been! So I know what you mean about giving things time and how sometimes something can develop unexpectedly...but if he's already decided after 3 or 4 dates that "it" wasn't there, then it wasn't meant to be. Bottom line, some people just know. I hope you can also look at this in a good light....that you didn't get too far into the relationship only to find out that his feelings never really developed for you the way yours might have developed for him. That would've just set you up for major heartbreak. Just remember, if a guy's intimidated by your success then he's not the guy for you! And we all have annoying little quirks but who you end up with won't want to change who you are...he will love you for you, despite your flaws. He's out there, you just haven't found him quite yet.
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