Why do I need the truth?

[rowrowrow]

Now, I know folks in this forum are very NC oriented, but I ask you to please keep an open mind to my reasoning here before throwing NC down my throat.

I would also like to establish that it has been through this breakup that the symptoms of PTSD of Abadonement has surfaced. Please look this up before dismissing it.

My break up was initialized by my ex several months ago after a 2month period of her becoming distant, or as she put it "In a very dark place right now". I was trying to be understanding and give her space during this period until I found out that she had been going out with friends without ever mentioning to me, reestablishing contact with her ex (who was very abusive and with whom she has a child with) without mentioning to me, and also hanging out with her ex's cousin. When her responses to my texts became very intermittent I started to get fed up trying to reach out to her. Finally, I went onto her FB page (we were not friends on it) when I noticed her status as "single". This alarmed me. Then I noticed a new friend of hers, we will call him Adam, who was also friends with her ex's cousin. I called her up on the phone and I was pretty livid and I demanded to know who this guy was. She barely used FB, or so she said in the past. I asked her if she was cheating on me. I admit that I was yelling probably because I had so much pent up frustration with her. She hung up on me and bout 5 minutes later she sent me an email with every cliche' breakup line available. She needed space, it was her not me. she did not have any time for herself and it was not fair to me, etc. She also threw in that I did not want her to have fun without her, and that whenever I did not return her text messages right away she got insanely jealous and pictured me with other women. So, that was her breakup. I tried to stay away from contacting her after that but it all came as such a blow to me I began to suspect there was more to the story.

Finally, a week later she said that we should meet, that she owed me at least that. We met and she was in tears. She told me that she saw on my FB page that I had made a comment on an ex's photo of how beautiful she still was and this bothered her. I told her to think about what she was doing because I did not want to break up. I was leaving town for a week and said we would talk when I got back. She cried and hugged me and would not let go. And then I said goodbye.

We texted now and then while I was gone, but nothing important. Then when I got back I asked her to make a decision. She said she was clear and that we are done.

Over the course of the next week, and in talking with friends I started to examine everything and I came to the conclusion that she must have been cheating on me. The new FB friend was her ex's cousins roommate. I contacted the cousin on FB and asked her if my ex was seeing her roommate. The cousin got very belliegerent with me, said she did not even know we were still dating, and that my ex's love life was none of my business. Then out of the blue the cousin sent me a message telling me her roommate was seeing someone and they were very happy.

Since then I have received a few messages from my ex. At first she was saying she was still in love with me and missed me. When I would ask her about another guy she would disappear.

I admit that I bombarded her with emails asking her to provide me with a reason for dropping me so fast and she would say nothing. Then a month later she confesses that she is so ridden with guilt and shame that she is literally ill. Then I ask her about that, and she tells me because of the way she left me, just vanishing. I ask more questions and she disappears again.

A month later she returns something of mine and writes note where she says she know what she did was wrong and how she did it was wrong. I ask her to expand on that and she vanishes again.

So, now 4 months have gone by and I have never received an answer to why she did it and why she cannot be honest. Now finally she has told me to stop contacting her.

So, I guess I do not get an answer to whether she was cheating or not.

[ChickiePops]

1. We don't have to throw NC down your throat. She has already initiated it. She asked you to stop contacting her..you should respect that.

 

2. It sounds pretty likely that she cheated.

 

3. You should get tested for STDs.