PinkDotsXOXO Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 (edited) Hi all thanks in advanced for all your help! I started talking to this guy I met on a paid dating site who I'll call Dan. Dan and I have been talking for around 2 weeks or so and we have plans to meet in the next 2 days. In a lot of ways Dan is exactly what I'm looking for. He has a great job and can support himself and is very selfless. He works with patients with cancer is overall very compassionate and caring. The only issue I have with Dan is over how much attention he provides me with. I like being in contact with someone and getting attention but Dan overdoes this so much that I feel smothered. If It's the weekend and u don't text him back within a few minutes he asks if I shot scared away by him or if he shouldn't have called me beautiful again which he also does. If I'm at work and I'm busy that it's been a few hours since I answered him he acts concerned and asks if again he scared me away. I like Dan but I need more space then he is giving me. He wants to text and talk on the phone constantly and I am fine with this but it's way too much. I am 27 and Dan is 26. I get this may seem a bit controlling him asking what I'm doing and if I'm having fun and the constant texts but he is never accusatory or anything. Any help is greatly appreciated! Edited October 30, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
Gaeta Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 He is a nut case I don't care how good he looks on paper. He has no respect for your time and space even before meeting you so imagine how it will be like after you meet. This man suffers from emotional dependency with a capital E. Rest assured he will turn controlling and manipulative, he is already showing signs of it. Abort and move to next. 2
smackie9 Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 He is a nut case I don't care how good he looks on paper. He has no respect for your time and space even before meeting you so imagine how it will be like after you meet. This man suffers from emotional dependency with a capital E. Rest assured he will turn controlling and manipulative, he is already showing signs of it. Abort and move to next. And he knows this but can't help himself. That's why he asks if he is over doing it every time. I suggest ending it asap too.
Versacehottie Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 I feel smothered just reading about Dan. 2
Shanex Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 I'm the exact opposite and I am usually told that I don't text enough. I'm always responsive but never or rarely initiate. As said before, this guy is way too controlling and doesn't want to leave you space, be it take a shower before he get all mad about you not responding. I'd also run away... as fast as you can. No women ever want someone so needy and clingy.
PogoStick Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 Before jumping to the extreme conclusions of the previous posts, I suggest conversing with Dan about how much contact you are comfortable with. Let him know that continuing the current trend means you're incompatible and the relationship will end. Ask why he desires so much contact (feeling insecure?), can he be comfortable with your level of contact?
BaileyB Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 Have a conversation and tell him you don't like to be bothered at work. Tell him, if you don't respond right away it just means that you are busy - if there is ever anything "wrong," you will tell him. Sometimes, in a new relationship it can be tempting to want to talk all the time. He's obviously insecure about the relationship. If it doesn't improve after you set some boundaries, then you have a decision to make. 1
ChickiePops Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 I wouldn't go so far as to say he's a nutcase but he's very insecure and it sounds very annoying. The only way to stop this is to have a frank conversation about it with him. 1
Gaeta Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 In my dating years I have come across men like him several times. There is no talking to them. You tell them to slow down and they do for 24 hours than they are back to their annoying self. These people are unable of thinking outside themselves. It's all about their feelings and their needs to get your attention. They don't view you as a human being they have to respect but as a shiny new toy they want. 1
Versacehottie Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 In my dating years I have come across men like him several times. There is no talking to them. You tell them to slow down and they do for 24 hours than they are back to their annoying self. These people are unable of thinking outside themselves. It's all about their feelings and their needs to get your attention. They don't view you as a human being they have to respect but as a shiny new toy they want. True. Hopefully that's not the case but it likely could be. I have a feeling you are right though. I mean even when a guy like that with a similar issue is posting on this board, we can try to tell them to slow down, pull back and give some space and it's like they just can't do it. Bottomless pit of needing reassurance. Good luck op
Alamo657 Posted October 30, 2016 Posted October 30, 2016 Hi all thanks in advanced for all your help! I started talking to this guy I met on a paid dating site who I'll call Dan. Dan and I have been talking for around 2 weeks or so and we have plans to meet in the next 2 days. In a lot of ways Dan is exactly what I'm looking for. He has a great job and can support himself and is very selfless. He works with patients with cancer is overall very compassionate and caring. The only issue I have with Dan is over how much attention he provides me with. I like being in contact with someone and getting attention but Dan overdoes this so much that I feel smothered. If It's the weekend and u don't text him back within a few minutes he asks if I shot scared away by him or if he shouldn't have called me beautiful again which he also does. If I'm at work and I'm busy that it's been a few hours since I answered him he acts concerned and asks if again he scared me away. I like Dan but I need more space then he is giving me. He wants to text and talk on the phone constantly and I am fine with this but it's way too much. I am 27 and Dan is 26. I get this may seem a bit controlling him asking what I'm doing and if I'm having fun and the constant texts but he is never accusatory or anything. Any help is greatly appreciated! Hello, Dan has confidence issues and relationship problems, he is afraid of loosing what he has and is overjoyed when he has someone. He probably suffered from a dysfunctional family environment. You can choose to be a modern woman who will only take fully grown alpha males and shoot him down like the beta he is, further damaging his self-confidence, or try and make him understand that he doesn't need to be on your back 24/7 and still have a relationship with you.
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