SparkPlug Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 I'll lay it out straight - I think that posting my problem on a forum will do absolutely nothing to help the situation, as I think 'love' is largely unexplainable. I, however, have taken the advice of an old, old friend and am attempting to seek help and opinions from people I don't know. This is a big leap of faith for me, since I believe this will yeild little results, but hold hope that I'll be proven wrong - in fact, I want to be proven wrong. To begin, I'm a 17 year old male. I have had a handful of successful, proven, and lasting relationships. Through them I've learned more about myself and find myself taking many more risks, which usually prove fruitful. I think I recently took a risk that sent me straight into a brick wall, and could even cost me the friendship of the person this is all about. I met what I believed to be an awesome, captivating, and down-to-earth person through a multitude of summer activities. My friends largely disagree, saying that she is cruel, whiney, and very aggrivating if she doesn't get her way. I shook my head at them, shrugged, and decided to give her a chance. Soon, I found myself liking her abit more and more - we can connect on so many levels, be them spiritual, musically, or our sense of humor. We went out a few nights back, just the two of us, and went for a nice little drive, stopping here and there. The conversation was non-stop: filled with laughs, good moments, and a general understanding of each other. It even went as far as me talking with her and helping her work through her current boyfriend problems (which I chose not to sway in my favor and look all angelic in comparison to her boyfriend). The night ended on a good tone, and she made it clear that she didn't want me to take her home at the time, but I had no choice (she agreed and was alright with it in the end). The general feeling of the night left me elated and made me believe that there could be a chance for something more. A day passed, with a casual phone conversation and glints of hope for plans to be made the next day. I zoomed out of work the day we were both hoping (at least I think we both were, it's difficult to determine) to chill later that night. After some exchange of words, I told her we needed to talk. Sometime during the exchange, she basically asked me if I 'liked' her, and I took the risk - I responded with a yes, not even thinking that the outcome would be less than desireable. What I was confronted with was a complete shut out: no response to any messages, when I call she promptly hangs up, and when asked if she wants to go out for food, a trip, or another drive she won't respond. I've given up trying to contact her for the time being. I'm not the type of person to get agitated if someone doesn't share feelings for me that I share for them, but I find it highly depressing that someone would toss a whole friendship out the window because I took a risk. I'm at a complete loss of what to do; do I call, send her a message, drop by her place? Were my friends right? Is she really not a cool person, or have I committed some fault along the way? Any help is appreciated.
justagirl1121 Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 i'm kind of shy, and unsure of what to do in relationship situations, i've also never been in one and i'm 22. But if i would NEVER act that way. I would never "hang up" on you, if that's the case. I may not call you, or try to drift away, but i would never be cruel like that. it seems like she may have been interested in friendship at least wtih you? if she asked you 'do you like me?" did it really come accross as "do you like me as a girlfriend" or could it be a "do you like me as a person/friend?" i dont know why she would act that way, if it's been continuous, she's not thinking of your feelings at all.
SparkPlug Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 When she asked, through the context of the current conversation and all things considered, it really came across as 'do you like me as a girlfriend.' What concerns me the most is that the whole friendship could be gone because of it. I think that would be a very immature way of handling the situation, but there isn't much I can do. When I call, she answers the call and then promptly hangs up before I can murmur "Hey," or "hold on!" I've handled rejection before, and I'm totally cool with someone not sharing a feeling I have for them, but this has really been a kick in the balls. It honestly went from an amazing night out with her, where it really felt like there was some deeper connection, to bam! Nothing, no calls, no communication. It was a 24 hour change of attitude. I can understand drifting away and not feeling the same way, but to irradicate the friendship on a whim seems silly and immature. It's only been a day with no word from her, and I'm strongly considering trying again tomorrow, with some sort of explanation. I think an apology on my part would be way off, considering I don't think I did anything of great severity to deserve my current treatment. I don't know how I'd even begin trying to speak to her again, besides a subtle, "Er.. what happened?" It's very bizarre to me that it went from "I really don't want you to take me home," to completely no communication over a short period. It could be one of life's mysteries, or it could just be the way some females tick.
justagirl1121 Posted July 16, 2005 Posted July 16, 2005 it seems like really odd, abrupt behavior to me, but who ever knows what the hell people think and do. maybe she got scared and that's how she reacts? I dont know, me, personally, I wouldnt hang up on you, i just wouldnt answer the call at all. I wouldn't call her anymore though. At least not for several weeks. Let me give u an example and tell you what I was thinking. I worked with this girl at a temp job for about 4 months and then her assignment ended while a bunch of us stayed on. I liked her at first. She is about 4/5 yrs older than me. We'd talk on the phone and we hung out a few times. A lot of people at work didn't really like her. They thought she was annoying and obnoxous. I started to feel the same way. All she would do on the phone is complain, complain complain about how she couldn't find a job and how it wasnt fair we got to stay there while she was done, etc etc.... She also talked very fast and it was kind of mumbled, so it was hard to understand what she was saying too. there were other things too but i'm not going to go into them. But you can probably see, that after a few months of that, i just got tired of dealing with it and her acting like i was some little kid, yet she still wanted to be my friend?? She called me a few times and i just was NOT in th emood to deal wtih her forwhat reason or forwhatever was going on at that moment (where i was who i was with etc). She txt msged me, called me a few more times, i never answered tephone. it got to the point where i was like GOD, give up! you just dont call people tons of times like that if they're not answering. I do feel guilty, but i just can't handle he rtoo much. I did talk to her the other day. i'm not going to completely ignore her; i need to tell her how i feel if i decide i want to end friendship with her completely, which i'm not sure about at this point. but her insistant phone calls were getting on my nerves. i understand you need to know why she's doing this b/c her behavior seems uncalled for. she needs to give u an explaination, but since she's apparently too immature to handle things properly, i would give her some time, see what SHE does. i know it's the hardest thing not knowing, esp when you like someone and you want an answer, but i think you need to hold off for a few weeks for her to cool down and for to decide waht she's doing and realize how mean she's being.
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