dzordze Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 Hi all, So this is the deal...I'm around 20, seeing my therapist (who's around 30 y.o.) for about 6 months now because of minor issues. As soon as we met there were "sparks" between us and immediately felt the attraction. At second session she Let me massage her hand, few sessions after (at a group session) she whispered to my ear "we are gonna get that anger out of you" while seductively touching my back. At the start of the session we greet by kissing in cheek, so the next session- SHE KISSES ME IN THE MOUTH. I couldn't believe it. And she's not some tramp, you know, she's really dear and has integrity- and that, above all else, is why I complete adore her. Now here's the deal- She told me recently in a discussion that she has a boyfriend for 10 years. 10 years but long distance relationship- they see each other only on weekends and she said "that she doesn't know what's gonna happen with that relationship cause she's moving to other town next year, but that she's living day by day and she knows not what is coming next!". So I was talking about a show where my friend acts and she adviced if she could come to- I said: of course and now we're a going to a theatre play (me and her friends i suppose). What do you guys think? I really like this girl but I don't wanna hurt her feelings if she gets dissapointed in me and leaves boyfriend because of me. That's my biggest issue. Any advices and opinions on all of this are welcome. Peace, dzordze
smackie9 Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 (edited) This woman is breaking a code of ethics. She is breaking the law, by using her position to manipulate young emotionally vulnerable men into a having an affair. This is so inappropriate to the professional community and to her practice. She is lying to you to take advantage of you....she ain't leaving her BF for you...if she even has one. I bet money on it, she has done this before, and you are not the only one she is doing this to now. You are going to find yourself in a most embarrassing situation when she tosses you aside to chase down someone else. She's a predator.... Edited October 28, 2016 by smackie9 6
Author dzordze Posted October 28, 2016 Author Posted October 28, 2016 (edited) And how exactly is she gonna use me? AND she is not breaking any ethic codecs- the psychiatry sessions are over now, that's why we waited with our feelings for 6 months. Edited October 29, 2016 by dzordze
Scarlett.O'hara Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 You think this woman has integrity? Everything she has done is the antithesis of integrity. If you want to believe she isn't a tramp, go ahead, but don't kid yourself for a second that this is a woman of good moral character. This entire situation is messy and based on dishonesty. If you can't see what a bad idea this is then I don't think anyone here is going to be able to help you. 2
Zahara Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Integrity? She cheats on her boyfriend. Behaves unprofessionally. 2
Author dzordze Posted October 29, 2016 Author Posted October 29, 2016 You think this woman has integrity? Everything she has done is the antithesis of integrity. If you want to believe she isn't a tramp, go ahead, but don't kid yourself for a second that this is a woman of good moral character. This entire situation is messy and based on dishonesty. If you can't see what a bad idea this is then I don't think anyone here is going to be able to help you. And before saying that she is BAD and judging her, shouldn't we look people from a higher perspective, realizing that, she is only a human and has feelings like each and every one of us and some of those feelings are hard to control no matter what kind of psyche expert you are. We're flesh and blood first and foremost
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 One never truly knows until something happens. But, she, being a professional with some standing, could be using her status to manipulate you. I don't know why she's in a LDR with someone for 10-years????? What?! With what she does, she could easily move to him or he to her. I am assuming that the guy is a professional? Or another pretty boy-toy for her to play around. This doesn't sound kosher to me.
BaileyB Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Yes, her behavior as you have described it is unethical and unprofessional. Whether you are a past or current client, she could lose her job for engaging in a romantic or sexual affair with a client. It's really not a very smart thing to do. 1
BaileyB Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 And before saying that she is BAD and judging her, shouldn't we look people from a higher perspective, realizing that, she is only a human and has feelings like each and every one of us and some of those feelings are hard to control no matter what kind of psyche expert you are. We're flesh and blood first and foremost No, when you are a professional, especially if you are a licensed professional, you have an ethical and moral standard that you must maintain or that person will lose their license and with that, their job. You are definitely not a human first. When it comes to any personal relationship with a client, there is no doubt that it will be considered unethical and unprofessional in any workplace. If I may say, clients in these types of professional relationships may feel that they have established a personal friendship or perhaps, even romantic or sexual feelings for their care provider. A responsible care provider, will be polite but will not encourage or reciprocate these feelings... And if that professional boundary can not be maintained, a change of therapist would be necessary because it becomes a conflict of interest. 1
salparadise Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 And how exactly is she gonna use me? AND she is not breaking any ethic codecs- the psychiatry sessions are over now, that's why we waited with our feelings for 6 months. The time limit is five years. What license does she hold?A licensed therapist cannot become involved with a client until five years after the professional relationship is terminated. She's not likely to be a therapist very long. This will catch up with her. 4. Exploitive Relationships Mental health counselors are aware of the intimacy and responsibilities inherent in the counseling relationship. They maintain respect for the client and avoid actions that seek to meet their personal needs at the expense of the client. Romantic or sexual relationships with clients are strictly prohibited. Mental health counselors do not counsel persons with whom they have had a previous sexual relationship.Mental health counselors are strongly discouraged from engaging in romantic or sexual relationships with former clients. Counselors may not enter into an intimate relationship until five years post termination or longer as specified by state regulations. Documentation of supervision or consultation for exploring the risk of exploitation is strongly encouraged.Determining the risk of exploitive relationships includes but is not limited to factors such as duration of counseling, amount of time since counseling, termination circumstances, the client’s personal history and mental status, and the potential adverse impact on the former client.Mental health counselors are aware of their own values, attitudes, beliefs and behaviors, as well as how these apply in a society with clients from diverse ethnic, social, cultural, religious, and economic backgrounds. 3
Scarlett.O'hara Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 And before saying that she is BAD and judging her, shouldn't we look people from a higher perspective, realizing that, she is only a human and has feelings like each and every one of us and some of those feelings are hard to control no matter what kind of psyche expert you are. We're flesh and blood first and foremost We are also responsible for our behavior. No one gets a free pass, especially when they have a duty of care to a patient. In her position, she has a duty and responsibility to her clients as a professional. Those regulations are there for a reason. From your account of events, she didn't even show an ounce of restraint. At second session she Let me massage her hand, few sessions after (at a group session) she whispered to my ear "we are gonna get that anger out of you" while seductively touching my back. At the start of the session we greet by kissing in cheek, so the next session- SHE KISSES ME IN THE MOUTH. This is not ethical behavior. Try and whitewash it all you like, it doesn't change the fact that her behavior is abhorrent and she should not behave this way. If you want to get involved with her, that is up to you. I'm just advising you to take the rose tinted glasses off and look at the facts. 2
Sunkissedpatio Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Above and beyond this is completely unethical and downright manipulative from a patient/therapist point, I would discourage this relationship because she is 30 and you are 20. If you were 30 and 40 maybe more acceptable you are both adults. You are still developing mentally and this woman has a lot more experience than you both in her profession and understanding the vulnerable state of the psyche and in life experience. You're worried about hurting her? I'm worried about her hurting you. if she is only human" she should not be practicing psychological therapy on other humans. She has violated your trust in the patient/therapist relationship, she seduced you when she should have been helping you, whether you care to see this or not. This woman should not be practicing therapy and she should get herself into therapy before she does anything else. Not to mention she is cheating on her long-time boyfriend which makes her even more messed up. I'm not sure what your definition of integrity is but we can assure you this isn't it. Unfortunately you don't have the life experience to recognize this. I don't mean to sound maternal as I state that but I do worry you will get not only hurt but scarred fairly badly. A very similar story was posted on here earlier this year of a man that met his therapist same age as you, she went on to marry another man had children and continued with the younger man for 10 years Left her husband and introduced a 3rd man whom she left the long-time younger lover for. And the younger man's self esteem and mind were demolished. That's all he knew about relationships was this experience. You're obviously going to continue with her so I wish you luck.
smackie9 Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 dezordze I get that you are very emotionally attached, in love, infatuated, crazy about her....but this is your vulnerability, your weakness, because you are emotionally inexperienced to this sort of thing and she knows it. what she did during some of those sessions is called "grooming". This is the method predators use to make it look like they are caring, saying what you want to hear like "you are so amazing, I have never met anyone like you, you are the one for me, I can't believe how you make me feel.......I'm sure she has said all those things to you. She has you emotionally trapped........you think this wonderful person but she is mentally sick herself. So what are you going to tell your parents, your friends, or your coworkers?
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