palmsand Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 Things just went downhill with a girl I've been talking to. We are in class together and get along really well and have met outside class previously. Tuesday I asked her to go to an amusement park with me for Halloween which she seemed excited about, but was concerned about the cost and driving home in the middle of the night. When I saw her next, on thursday, we started talking a bit before I could bring up the outing. I told her I might go to a halloween party and she asked how old I was, in relation to being able to drink legally. I told her the truth, I am 23. She turned 18 recently. She seemed surprised and said she thought I was probably 19. Shortly after this, I brought up the fact that I had found discounted tickets, addressing her concern about cost. She just didn't say anything. As we left class, we had a quick conversation but she didn't bring up the outing, like it never happened. She obviously isn't interested in going, but I wish I knew if that was the case all along or if discovering my age was a deal-breaker. Should I consider possibly asking her out somewhere in the future?
Shanex Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 Nothing in your post make me believe she wouldn't date someone 5 years older. The fact that she was just surprised as you said because maybe you look younger? Yes, she's just an 18, which is legal at least, but I'm not seeing a major gap, as if a decade or more. The fact that she doesn't seem interested in going out with you again may be due to a different reason.
Author palmsand Posted October 28, 2016 Author Posted October 28, 2016 I can see how people could think I was younger, however I almost never get carded so I don't know. I always thought my age could be a problem, so I never brought it up, thinking it was better if we bonded more first. Maybe she suspected I was older and was waiting to see if I would tell her straight, and she got fed up when I didn't. I always over-think things like this. I have been getting mixed signals from her, and although I have always shown interest in her, I don't know if she is/was aware of my intentions. I totally thought of the amusement park thing as a date, but I'm not sure she saw it that way. It sucks because I thought things were going really well with her. If it wasn't my age, I don't know what else could have turned things the wrong way.
smackie9 Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 If she changed her tune immediately after you mentioned your age....yup it's a deal breaker. It may only be 5 years but some people find it creepy that an adult man would be interested in a teenage girl. So what of it, you just move on.
Standard-Fare Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 Assuming the age difference IS the dealbreaker for her... I can kind of understand that, at her age. Especially since she'd been under the assumption that you were her direct peer, as her classmate. She's just barely an adult. Five years can make a big difference then. She'll be thinking things like "He was already out of high school when I had just started it." You've been at difference life phases at different times. Also, I think for some people who are following the normal age/grade progression in college, it's hard to relate to the "older" person who is joining them in classes. That's stupid and not really fair, but it's a reality. It could be that for her, 23 is supposed to mean "already graduated," not "hanging around with 18 year olds."
Victus Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Five years is not a big difference. I know people who are currently and have been happily married for years and there is anywhere between an eight to 18 year age difference between them. I don't know why so many people put such an emphasis on a number, providing of course, you are not trying to date someone underage. My guess it is either she is one of these with an age difference problem or worried what her parents would say. Move on and forget her.
elaine567 Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Age is a huge thing when young and a just few years makes a big difference. So I can easily see that an 18 yo may not want to date a 23 yo. I remember having a few "mature" students around at university (no-one older than 30) but they were considered "ancient".
Ami1uwant Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Both over 18. 5 yrs isn't a big deal. Women to like older men. If she was 17, then it likely is statutory rape.
Author palmsand Posted November 4, 2016 Author Posted November 4, 2016 Some interesting news this week. First saw her again on tuesday after the six flags thing went nowhere and she found out my age. I expected her to be more distant or somehow let me know she isn't interested, but she seemed just as talkative and engaged as always. Then today, she tells me her car is messed up and she is bummed because she is having a sushi craving and can't drive to the sushi place in town. She already knew I liked sushi, so I just asked her if she was doing anything after class. She said no, then realized I would be down to go get sushi with her, so she asked if I would go. I felt like that was a better approach than just asking her myself, because even if she said yes, I wouldn't be able to tell if she really wanted to or was just being nice. Anyway, we went and had a good time. It definitely wasn't a date, but it shows we are still on good terms and she trusts me enough to get a my car and drive across town. I'm trying to figure out what this means as far as how she thinks of me. If she viewed the six flags idea as a date, she would be more withdrawn and want space, since she obviously wasn't into that, right? I thought it was pretty clearly supposed to be a date, but maybe she never saw it that way? I just wonder if there is any chance of moving beyond being friends in the future?
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