Purplelighthouse Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 To start off, here is a pre-summary of us and our marriage, Me and my husband met October of last year, hit it off amazingly and fell in love. I became pregnant 2 months later then we decided to get married few months there after. Our relationship has had a lot of bumps during my pregnancy. I had a rough pregnancy along with my depression and PTSD. He also has stress induced biopolar and PTSD. We kept and still set each other off by our triggers. Right now a new big issue in our marriage is our sex life. I just have my third child(our first) 2 and a half months ago, so our sex doesn't feel the same now and kegals all day everyday have been doing nothing. Plus my husband has a high sex drive and masterbates up to ⅘ times a day watching porn then we have sex 2-3 times a week which lately it's been decreasing and I've noticed we don't do any foreplay anymore, he doesn't touch/caress me or even kiss me during sex unless I kiss him. His preferred start position is him on top with his head to the side nowhere near my face and then me on top and him moving my hips until he finishes. It's becoming so routine, emotionless and detached and I feel like the only one that is noticing this. On top of being sexually frustrated sometimes he doesn't even orgasm. And when he doesn't he pulls up porn on his phone and masterbates right next to me in the bed! I eventually told him last week how it made me feel like I wasn't good enough and didn't please him. He hasn't done it again since but still our sex life is starting to diminish. Is it because we are too comfortable? Is he tired of arguing, not attracted to me anymore and or done with our marriage? Which he has mentioned the D word a few time before during our rough times.
Herbalist Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 Masturbating 5 times a day every day plus being irritable could be signs of budding mania. I mean masturbating every day even twice a day for men is not at unusual but 5 times is like.. wake up masturbate, masturbate before lunch, masturbate in the afternoon, masturbate before dinner, masturbate again before bed. Bipolar is not caused by stress either although stress can exacerbate some of its symptoms. Mania can also contribute to being impulsive and rushed which can lead to things like getting married and having a baby with someone you met a few months prior. I mean really if he is bipolar then he needs to manage his symptoms, like knowing the signs of an emerging episode, having coping mechanisms, having a professional he sees regularly to help him notice signs and also give meds when/if needed etc. Like you can't be responsible for someone else let alone someone else's mental illness. 1
RecentChange Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 I don't think anything you have described indicates being "too comfortable" in a marriage, but rather signs of incompatibility, unhappinesses, and an unhealthy marriage. You have known each other for only a year. That's not very long - you got married during the infatuation phase, one many couples outgrow at around 1 year. Are either of you in professional counseling for your mental health conditions? I am concerned about the fact that you "trigger each other". 3
Author Purplelighthouse Posted October 28, 2016 Author Posted October 28, 2016 I don't think anything you have described indicates being "too comfortable" in a marriage, but rather signs of incompatibility, unhappinesses, and an unhealthy marriage. You have known each other for only a year. That's not very long - you got married during the infatuation phase, one many couples outgrow at around 1 year. Are either of you in professional counseling for your mental health conditions? I am concerned about the fact that you "trigger each other". Yes, I go to cognitive behavioral therapy weekly and well as medication management. He on the other hand had an entire year of counseling last year as well as medication but it didn't really help too much.
Mr. Lucky Posted October 28, 2016 Posted October 28, 2016 Me and my husband met October of last year, hit it off amazingly and fell in love. I became pregnant 2 months later then we decided to get married few months there after. Wow. From meeting to conception to marriage to discussions of divorce - all in 11 months? And you were pregnant 9 of those? It should be obvious neither of you have given things even a small chance. I'd almost suggest a reset - start dating again and allow the opportunity to build a foundation to your relationship. If this was the 3 Little Pigs, you're definitely living in the straw house. Marriage counseling would be a start, you've both got a lot on your plate... Mr. Lucky 1
Author Purplelighthouse Posted October 29, 2016 Author Posted October 29, 2016 Wow. From meeting to conception to marriage to discussions of divorce - all in 11 months? And you were pregnant 9 of those? It should be obvious neither of you have given things even a small chance. I'd almost suggest a reset - start dating again and allow the opportunity to build a foundation to your relationship. If this was the 3 Little Pigs, you're definitely living in the straw house. Marriage counseling would be a start, you've both got a lot on your plate... Mr. Lucky That's the thing. I've mention doing this and his responses are eager at first but then reverts back to doing his own thing not motivated to work on "us" focusing solely on the kids and his career and other things avoiding rekindling our relationship. I wonder at times if he fakes being in a happy marriage just so he doesn't have to deal with it.
MJJean Posted October 29, 2016 Posted October 29, 2016 Do some research on porn addiction and the effects it has on real life sex lives. 4-5 times a day masturbating while watching porn may literally be changing how his brain functions. I don't thinkthe problem is familarity breeding boredom so much as his porn problem. Start by Googling "Your brain on porn" and do some reading.
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