Why do I still love this woman???

[Lost_in_TN]

First off I'd like to say that I am new to the forum and hope that I can find some answers to help me get my life back on track. I can honestly say that things have been pretty messy for a while.

 

Before I state my current problems I feel that a bit of history may be needed to show how truly messed up my life has been. I will also state that I am not without fault, and will definitely take my share of the blame. Here goes...........

 

My first marriage lasted 12 years and produced a beautiful baby boy. Our marriage had its' ups and downs as all marriages do, but there was one thing that happened about 3 years into the marriage that I feel doomed it. My wife had an affair that lasted about 8 months. I was devistated, I didn't know quite how to handle it. We had been having problems but I knew nothing of the affair until my best friend had to spell it out for me. I told him there was no way she'd do that. He called another friend who also confirmed it.

 

After I was convinced that it was indeed the truth I confronted my wife who denied it multiple times, then finally caved in and said it was true. I felt like such a fool, betrayed, and so utterly confused at how someone could lie to someone who loved them and never bat an eye. I told her the marriage was over and asked her to leave the home. She went to her mothers house and I called my parents and told them what was happening. My parents old school in that marriage is forever, and I totally respect that, but she had cheated on me and I couldn't deal with it. My mom and dad told me to forgive her and try to work through it. Eventually I did just that, and though I had major trust issues with her we seemed to eventually get back having a life together, and were actually happy again. I even thanked my parents for convincing me to hang on.

 

Ten years into the marriage we made the decision to have a child and it was a wonderous time. I really felt on top of the world when my son was born and was proud of my little family. That is until my son was about 2 and a half years old. I had been on a motorcycling trip with some friends in the Smoky Mountains for a week and just returned home. A friend that used to work with me called just to say hi, and also to ask me if my wife and I were having trouble. I told him no, everything is fine, why do you ask? He then told me that he'd heard she was having an affair with a guy she worked with. I actually laughed it off.

 

When I hung up the phone my wife asked who had called, I told her, then humourously told her that she was supposedly having an affair with a guy at work. (which is also where I work!!!) Well she didn't laugh at all, then she said WHY DON'T WE GET A DIVORCE!!! I was floored, and realized that this woman was up to her old tricks. The next year and a half can only be described as hell on earth for me. I felt betrayed by friends, coworkers, and even questioned if I wanted to live or not. Everytime I turned around I was being told more bad things about the woman I loved. To make matters worse she was doing things to keep my head even more screwed up. Eventually though we did get a divorce and I was learning to cope with being single, and becoming a weekend dad. It was really hard as all my family lives in another state, but I do have some good friends that tried to keep my spirits up. But what happens next is the real kicker.....

 

My divorce with wife number one was about to be final, and I bumped into a lady I'd been friends with for over 10 years. She asked about my situation to see if what she had heard was true, and I told her yes. She then said that I should call her sometime and we'd get out. Well I knew she was living with a guy so I asked her what he'd think about that. She informed me that he went his way, and she went her way. This should have been red flag numero uno, but I need to give a little more info. During the lean years of my first marriage this lady and her boyfriend at that time were close friends with the wife and I. Her boyfriend and I, who are still the best of friends today, had a rock band together. During this time I became quite attracted to this lady. She had an air about her that drove me wild, and still does. She had an incredible figure, and had this innocense about her that made my heart race. BUT I am true blue faithful and never spoke of these feelings to anyone, not even her. I never let on, flirted, or even put myself in a position where I could. I eventually quit the band because I was afraid I was going to act on these feelings and lose my wife, and two good friends.

 

Anyways, there this woman is standing in front of me, still smoking hot as ever and I'm single, and she has asked me out. Even though she was living with a guy I thought what the hay I'm gonna think about me for a change!!! I knew this girl had a few skeletons in her closet. A few failed relationships and a checkered past. So I thought I'd go out with her and just have some fun, nothing serious. Boy that didn't last long, for either of us. We fell head over heals for each other and I've never felt better in my life. She was everything I always knew she could be. Just the greatest, and I don't care if someone does say I was rebounding, because it was earth moving for me, and her. In many ways I still to this day feel the same way about her. But I'm getting off track..............

 

A couple of weeks into us talking she moved out of her boyfriends house and stayed at her moms, who just so happens to live a few houses down from me. It was great, we spent countless hours talking and just soaking each other up. I couldn't believe at how lucky I was, she was a dream girl and she was mine!!! A whopping 8 months into this I asked her to marry me. She was estatic with joy and said yes. We wasted no time in getting married and were super happy until about 3 months into the marriage. I guess we had come back out of the clouds. Being that I had been in a marriage for 12 years I knew that there were ups and downs obviously so I wasn't that shook up about it. I tried to let her know that I was there for her no matter what, and that we'd be fine. But we wouldn't be...

 

I then started to notice that on the weekends I had my son she was visibly more tense. She then started to be overly critical of my sons every move. I took her off to the side and said you can't constantly loom over a child like a prison guard, he's not going to respond well to it. Then things started to really go bad. Arguments over the least little thing, and me trying to hold it all together because I didn't want this marriage to end up in divorce like my first one. She knew this and had the upper hand because of it. I then realized how emotionally unstable she was/is and thought to myself how hard this was going to be. I tehn learned she was sexually abused by her stepfather, who she thought was her real father until she was 16, then she found out the truth. I found out that she witnessed things as I child that obviously scarred her for life. Her stepfather was an alcoholic who molested her. She had a brother who committed suicide when he was 17, and she herself had attempted suicide at the age of 20 by taking a large quantity of painkillers. She almost succeeded, they saved her life at the local ER. The reason she tried it was because she'd gotten caught talking to another guy behind her boyfriends back.

 

So now I know I am really in a pickle, but I love her so I stand by her and try to show her she can lean on me and I'll be there no matter what. At times we were really happy, and still could be today if I wanted to live that way. But in a lot of ways it just kept getting worse.

 

I was going to start my son a savings account, so one sunday we (my son and I) got his piggy bank down and was going to count the money. All money that had ever been given to this child had been put in this bank, there should've been hundreds of dollars in there. There was $3 and a few coins in there. Well immediately I asked my wife if she knew anything about this, of course she denied it. But eventually I got her to admit that she took the money. My then 5 year old sons money!!! I was crushed, and knew once more that I had made a bad decision in marrying this woman. But I still loved her and tried to work through it. I was shocked when she didn't really act as if she was sorry for taking the money, it was more like she was upset that she got caught.

 

Then I found out that she has been talking to my ex-wife about our problems and once again I feel betrayed. All I ever told the girl in the beginning was to never lie to me or do anything to damage my trust and we'd be fine. I've lost count of how many times that has happened, and seldom have I ever gotten an appology, sincere or otherwise. It was and is so very crazy.

 

Finally I got tired of it all and told her that I wanted her to leave and that I was going to file for a divorce. I didn't grow up in a home with constant turmoil and I didn't want my son in an environment like that. She was crushed, but for once I stood firm and did as I said. After she moved out she started calling me and like a fool I was giving her a chance to redeem herself. We started dating for crissakes........... But we did have some good times and even thought we had it all figured out. We thought since we rushed into our marriage maybe we could try and start over and take it slow and see what happened. For about a month I can say it was pretty good, but after the divorce was final she started to be possessive in ways, then she'd become distant, then want to be with me constantly, then distant. Then the arguments and things started again. Then like that ol' faithful dog I try to start patching things up, AND WE ARE DIVORCED!!! Now it is a huge mess, she's been lying to me AGAIN, and this past weekend she went out with another guy when she has been constantly telling me how much she loves me and wants us to be together again!!!

 

After all of this why in the world do I still love her more than the air I breathe??? I am about as cut and dry as they come and I know how rediculous all of this may sound, but it's all true. I've talked to friends, prayed, cussed, cried, and went days without sleep. No matter how much I tell myself to stay clear of her I still feel as if she has me under her spell. I am trying my hardest to completely cut off contact with her. But in reality all I want to do is hold her in my arms and tell her everything will be ok. It's so very sad to feel like this, what do I do???

[Sal Paradise]

It's the bitches that'll getches.

[Lost_in_TN]

Yeah, I guess so. I am in dire need of support as this whole deal is absolutely killing me.

 

I guess the final twist of this whole ordeal happened yesterday afternoon. I went by ex#2's apartment to more or less get some closure and instead I got hurt even more.

 

As we were setting on her sofa and I was pouring my heart out about how terribly sorry I was for how things went for us I noticed something. A picture frame that sits on her entertainment center which I gave her with a picture of she and I in it no longer had our picture in it. No, it had her new boyfriends picture in it!!!! I was blown away, this is the same apartment I left this past Friday morning after spending the night, to the sounds of my ex telling me how much she loved me!!!! She didn't even have the decency to buy another picture frame. What a cold hearted person!!!!!!!! She showed absolutely no remorse for this or anything else that has happened. What a fool I have been once again.

 

I went to see the counselor that we had been seeing together last night. I told him about everything that happened over the weekend and yesterday afternoon. He was blown away. It sucks when you are sitting in front of someone expecting all these answers and wisdom to come out of their mouth and all they do is shake their head in disbelief.

 

I am a bit overwhelmed by it all and wish I'd been strong enough to make this woman stay away from me when I asked her to leave and filed for divorce. I'd be much better off now, I should've never looked back.

 

If any of you can relate to this, or feel that you can offer up advice to help me cope please do. I am desperate to get past all of this and get on with my life. I've had enough bad things happen to me over the past 3 years and I need relief!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Woggle]

She stole money from your son and you still have feelings for her? Are you nuts. Any woman that robs a 5 year old should be out of your life. Women these days are sure screwed up though aren't they?

[Lost_in_TN]

Yeah Woggle, right now I really am nuts. I still amaze myself at how I let this woman totally run right over me. I could write a book on all the things she did, then turn around and write another book making excuses for her, which I know is wrong.

 

I know that I have to stay away from her and cut all ties. But the fact of knowing this does not make it any easier. I've never needed support more desperately.

[Woggle]

Originally posted by Lost_in_TN

Yeah Woggle, right now I really am nuts. I still amaze myself at how I let this woman totally run right over me. I could write a book on all the things she did, then turn around and write another book making excuses for her, which I know is wrong.

 

I know that I have to stay away from her and cut all ties. But the fact of knowing this does not make it any easier. I've never needed support more desperately. [/quote

She robbed your 5 year old son. That is just pathetic and low. Seriously grow some balls because you can do better. I am divorced as well and I realize dthat just letting my ex go was the best thing. I left her because she cheated.

[Lost_in_TN]

Dude, seriously I've got balls. This has nothing to do with whether or not I've balls or not. It comes down to doing what needs to be done and doing it the right way. I want to keep my emotions in check and remain level headed. I'm trying to gain clearity, and I've found that most of what clearity I have is due to the fact my friends and family are constantly reminding me that this is a very BAD situation and I just need to let go.

 

I likened my situation to a crackhead wanting another hit. You know there are crackheads that want to quit smoking, and they know all the dangers of using crack, and all the harm they are doing to their bodies. But they smoke anyways because it provides at a minimum TEMPORARY relief.

 

I know that she is bad news, and will only hurt me even more if I allow her to. I'm trying as hard as possible to stay the course, just needing support is all.

[westernxer]

Do you have any self-esteem?

 

Doesn't sound like it.

[Woggle]

Just think about everything she has done to you.

[Lost_in_TN]

Originally posted by westernxer

Do you have any self-esteem?

 

Doesn't sound like it.

 

Man, maybe I was wrong to join this site. I came here looking for support but it appears that bashing a guy is more the order of the day. OF COURSE I HAVE SELF-ESTEEM!!!!!!!!!!!! I am trying to get out of another bad relationship. Two consecutive failed marriages is enough to screw anyone's head up. You forget that I am the guy who put her out and filed for divorce, then indeed did divorce her. I am also the idiot that let her weasel her way back into my life. Don't fool my honesty with lack of self-esteem.

 

Maybe you aren't bashing me, but if you are please refrain from such. I have enough on my plate as it is. Thanks..........

 

 

woggle,

That's exactly what I'm doing. Instead of replaying the great times that we had in my mind I am trying to think of all the times she severely let me down. That and the fact that my son doesn't need to be around people like her. He was one of the main reasons I ask her to leave in the first place.

[westernxer]

No one's bashing you, man. You're just overly-sensitive.

 

If you don't like the advice, then leave this site and screw up your life again. Don't get upset if you read something you don't like. Most of the time, the truth hurts. It may piss you off, but sometimes you need to get angry about things.

 

Just don't get angry at us... we're not the ones who did this to you.

 

And, please, take my words with a grain of salt. I'm not going to hold back on anyone. Tough love is tough for a reason. Besides, you're too far away to kick my ass if my words piss you off. Get angry at the ex, not at me.

[Lost_in_TN]

Though I agree with the message you are trying to get across in your last reply, I don't agree with the way you are putting it across. I'm not pissed at you, quite the contrary. I'm just trying to let you know in my current state of mind I'm not responding to harshness that well. No harm no foul.............

[New_Wife]

I can completely understand the confusion. My ex husband fathered other children during our marraige. Two with me, two with others. Ironically, the other kids were born within days of each other. I found out when the paternity suit papers were served on me in our family home. Yippie.

 

The problem, as I see it, is that you can't go back in time and edit the love you felt. The knowledge that it was misplaced, or not returned the way you thought it had been, does not negate the feeling or the loss. You loved wholly & invested of yourself, only to find out that the "bank" was a sham.

 

It does fade. But it takes time. A whole hell of a lot of it. Good for you for staying with the counselor, that will help speed the healing process a bit. But don't look for a microwave fix for a coneventional oven hurt. (my analogies have always sucked this bad - enjoy)

 

It was suggested to me that I abstain from any Relationships (note the capital R) for at least a year. I could get some maintenance bootie if I needed it, but no LOVE or Relationships. That, as it turns out, was the best piece of advice I've ever been given. Well, besides the "don't put that in your mouth, you don't know where it's been".

 

Allow yourself to hurt. Write lots of angry letters that you never send. Write sad ones too, just to get the stuff out of your head. Then file them, rip them up, burn them - whatever. They are not for her, they are for you.

 

Good luck

[Lost_in_TN]

New_Wife I like what you had to say, Pretty good advice.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Lost_in_TN,

 

First off I'd like to point out that the title of your post is "Why do I still love this woman"? And then, you also mention that you know she is bad news. And this -

 

What a cold hearted person!!!!!!!! She showed absolutely no remorse for this or anything else that has happened.

 

Do you see the contradiction?!

 

Why do you still love her?! A woman who only feels sorry for herself, and doesn't even feel remorse when she does something despicable. Like stealing money from a 5 year old child. That is just unthinkable!! It makes me feel sick to just read it. She has absolutely no conscience, and no sense of right and wrong - to actually take advantage of a 5-year old.

 

What in heaven's name do you love about her? The fact that she "has a certain air about her", and that you were really attracted to her? That she was good female company after your first divorce?

 

Whatever the case, you already knew that her past had had some not-too-healthy effect on her. Most importantly, she didn't like your son. And THAT was the first indication that she wasn't right for you or him. And whatever you do, WHY let the child suffer?!!

 

Well, it's all done with now, and I think you mentioned that you're better now that you've divorced her. Agreed, it's an emotionally trying time for you...but I guess taking the plunge from dating to marriage was your mistake. Thankfully, it's not as bad as it could've been.

 

And I think you know that you'll need time to sort out yourself. You need to take a break from all the issues of the 2 marriages!! Give time to yourself and your son. And please, re-consider your feelings about her - how on earth can you love someone like this?!!

 

I'd say New-Wife has some pretty good ideas on how to deal with your emotions. I usually would've given my own suggestions on that too, but it's just that something here seemed totally wrong.

[Lost_in_TN]

Thanks for replying, I appreciate the input. You are hitting on the main subject of this topic which is "Why do I still love this woman"?

 

Let me clearify something in case I haven't made it clear. This woman has two opposite sides. It's like she has a switch that can turn her from good to bad. When she was good she was actually great, when she was bad it was as if satan himself was wearing her skin. As far as her not liking my son, I can't actually say that because she did a lot of constructive things with him. Teaching him math and writing skills, and a host of other things. She would take him to the park and do other things so they could have "their" time to bond. But just as she was good to me when she had her head on straight, as was the case with my son, we all know the other side of the coin. When she was in a foul mood we payed the price. She did have this way of watching his every move and getting on to him about the slightest of things.

 

I'll give one example. Last Christmas one of my sons gifts was one of those plug-in TV games that has Ms. Pac Man and a few other games on it. One of the games was "Pole Position" but for whatever reason when you played that game the car wouldn't turn to the left. One day we were getting ready to go out and eat and my son was playing the game. He switched over to the pole position game and proclaimed as kids do "I'm playing the race car game"!!! I then heard her from the other end of the house say, in a foul tone I might add "IT'S BROKE"!!! Then he replied "No it's not". Then she was like "YES IT IS"!!!! Then he said it's working. I then heard her stomping through the house and I got that sinking feeling. So I go to the den to rectify this whole deal and there he is crying and she has already unplugged the game and was winding up the cord.

 

I told her to give him the game back, which set her on fire because I was overriding her decision, and doing right in front of my son. She said "IT'S BROKE"!!!! I told her that I didn't care if it was broke and that it didn't matter as long as my son was having fun with it. As long as he didn't mind the fact that all he could do was crash I didn't mind either. I told her she needed to quit arguing with a child, over something that childish that didn't amount to squat. She totally didn't see it my way and stomped out of the room. So I comforted my son and hooked the game back up and told him not to worry about it and that he didn't do anything wrong. ( the game had actually started working BTW) Well I go to talk to her and she is furious and telling me that he will never respect her and obey her if I constantly veto what she says. I told her that as long as she continued to act like a child and make bad parenting decisions that were totally harsh and wrong that I would in fact do just that. He is just a baby and he didn't deserve to be treated like that. The rest of my day was HELL!!!!

 

As always though she knew how to play on my emotions and smoothed it all over by saying the right things and acting like the perfect wife until she was sure it was safe.

 

My son was a huge factor in me putting her out and divorcing her. My son and I are best buddies. He is my hero, and I am his. He is my only child and means the world to me, and he's just an awesome kid with a heart the size of Texas. He love's his ex-stepmother immensely and misses her. Everytime I pick him up he ask where his stepmom is, and if we can call her. It's sad, but I just tell him that we can't.

 

As far as I am concerned, my eyes are starting to open once again like they did when I finally got the courage to ask her to leave my home. I've had very few minutes of contact with her since last Friday morning, with Monday afternoon being the last time we spoke. That is a good thing, and I intend on staying away from her and hope that she does the same. My friends and family are telling me to watch out because once she realizes I am not there for her anymore she's gonna come crying back to me like she did when I asked her to move out. Her mom says the same thing. Her mom says that she thinks I'll be there for her no matter what because of all the crap I've took and still loved her with all my heart.

 

That is why I am talking to friends and family, and posting on this forum. I want to gain the clearity I need to deal with this situation. Not only deal with it, deal with it correctly, and even learn from it. I am realizing that some of my feelings for her may border on actually feeling sorry for her because she had such a horrid childhood, and that I wanted to show her there was someone in this world that would love her and care for her.

 

I have good moments and bad moments, but I feel things changing. I know no other way of dealing with things than "Grabbing the bull by the horns" so to speak. It may take me forever to figure out what is best for me, but once I do I give it 100%. But my 100% didn't work the first time I tried to get this woman out of my life. So this time I can't make the same mistakes. I can't see her, talk to her, or make excuses for what she has done.

 

I still love her, and do miss the way things were when she was in her right mind. But the way we were living is no life to live and I know that. So I gotta do what I gotta do. I'm just trying to cope with it all and make the right moves. I am looking hard for the day I can say without hesitation "I'm over it".

[Woggle]

It sounds like she is very manipulative. Also why does it seem like most women are screwed up like her these days. Are there any sane women left?

[Lost_in_TN]

She is woggle, and I'd like to think that there are some sane women left. I can't help but feel that it all relates back to how a person was raised. She emulates what she grew up in which was a drama-filled. She really doesn't know how to be happy and live a normal, stable life where people work through there differences and make compromises. She also has no idea of the true value of trust and honesty.

 

She is also up to her old tricks again and called my office a little while ago. Her call didn't go as she had planned. She immediately tried calling back 5 times and I didn't answer. Her mom, and my friends are right. That phone call was just to see if she still had her hooks in me. I think reality is probably setting in on her now.

[westernxer]

Hang in there, man. My brother's ex was exactly the same way. She even tried using the kids as collateral to get him to marry her again. He almost did, but he finally saw the light.

 

I believe there are plenty of sane women, but it requires time to find them, wisdom to discern them, and a little testosterone to do them.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Well, everyone has a good side and a not-so-good one, the difference is how bad that bad side is! And when a person is a Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde type....!! *solemnly playing 'Abide With Me'*

 

When she was pleasant, it was because she was happy. Besides, I can only think how immature she was, if she perceived a 5 year old as an ego threat!

 

I guess you need to look for a woman who's good at heart. And I mean a genuinely good person. Being sugary and smiling doesn't make a person good.

 

The attachment you've developed to this woman, will go away eventually. Use the time to really figure out what you want in a woman! If you get married to her, would you feel good about your choice 20 years hence? Agreed, nothing's certain, but at least you did your homework

 

If nothing, your experiences will hopefully serve to help you maker better choices from now on. Choose wisely, and most importantly, don't be hasty in making decisions.

 

On another note...Woggle, you come across as a borderline misogynist or something!! I believe there are a couple of other people on this forum, who I've noticed seem to have this rabid allergy of women!! LOL In any case, I'd say that "it takes two hands to clap"...there are an equal number of men and women out there who screw up relationships!!

[westernxer]

Originally posted by This_Too_Shall_Pass

On another note...Woggle, you come across as a borderline misogynist or something!!

 

Woggle's cool... he just came from a bad situation himself and is trying to get over it.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Originally posted by westernxer

Woggle's cool... he just came from a bad situation himself and is trying to get over it.

 

Ah...I see.

 

Seems like I outdid myself a bit there!

[Woggle]

Originally posted by This_Too_Shall_Pass

Well, everyone has a good side and a not-so-good one, the difference is how bad that bad side is! And when a person is a Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde type....!! *solemnly playing 'Abide With Me'*

 

When she was pleasant, it was because she was happy. Besides, I can only think how immature she was, if she perceived a 5 year old as an ego threat!

 

I guess you need to look for a woman who's good at heart. And I mean a genuinely good person. Being sugary and smiling doesn't make a person good.

 

The attachment you've developed to this woman, will go away eventually. Use the time to really figure out what you want in a woman! If you get married to her, would you feel good about your choice 20 years hence? Agreed, nothing's certain, but at least you did your homework

 

If nothing, your experiences will hopefully serve to help you maker better choices from now on. Choose wisely, and most importantly, don't be hasty in making decisions.

 

On another note...Woggle, you come across as a borderline misogynist or something!! I believe there are a couple of other people on this forum, who I've noticed seem to have this rabid allergy of women!! LOL In any case, I'd say that "it takes two hands to clap"...there are an equal number of men and women out there who screw up relationships!!

I am a misogynist and proud of it. I do admit though there are good women who are exceptions.

[lindya]

Originally posted by Lost_in_TN

That is why I am talking to friends and family, and posting on this forum. I want to gain the clearity I need to deal with this situation. Not only deal with it, deal with it correctly, and even learn from it. I am realizing that some of my feelings for her may border on actually feeling sorry for her because she had such a horrid childhood, and that I wanted to show her there was someone in this world that would love her and care for her.

 

Certainly in your posts, you come across as being a pretty decent and well-balanced sort of guy who just happens to have had a run of s***ty luck. It's a real test when that happens - and the challenge is to come out of it without being an embittered and broken man. I'm sure you're more than fit for that challenge.

 

The feeling of finding someone who seems to be your soulmate is absolutely incredible, and it's exceptionally hard to let go of that and have to readjust your thinking and your hopes for the future. Don't be hard on yourself for finding it difficult - and don't take too much notice of anyone else who criticises you for the way you handle it. There will always be posters who tend to adopt an aggressive or judgemental position because they're too weighed down by their own issues to give particularly helpful advice to others.

 

People who've been rejected in childhood continually do often seem to sabotage subsequent relationships - living unsatisfactory "half-lives" to protect themselves from going through that rejection again. Objectively, it's possible to understand why they do this...but the objective stance is for a therapist rather than a partner to take. However stable you are, having to continually put your own needs to one side in order to deal maturely with an unbalanced partner will eventually have an impact on your own emotional health. In this case, you also have a young child to worry about - and I think you're to be congratulated for the way you've kept his needs uppermost in your mind throughout this difficult situation.

 

It's just going to take you some time...and there are no magic solutions. Because you want to actually learn something valuable from this (ie something that transcends the usual embittered BS people sometimes mistake for wisdom), it might take you a bit longer to "get over it" as quickly as other people say you should. On the other hand, when you do get over it you'll do so for real, and come out of it as an even stronger and healthier person. For the record, I think you're to be admired for the way you're handling this, and I wish you all the best with it.

[Lost_in_TN]

Thanks for the positive thoughts, it helps tremendously at this point.

 

Yesterday ended up being really bad for me, only because I was stupid enough to once again show weakness / sympathy for her. I ended up getting dragged through the mud yet again and endured some very harsh comments. I think it boiled down to the fact that she saw I was getting my head on a little straighter and it scared her into thinking she didn't have control of me. Well me, being the consumate gentlemen (read: fool) I tried to do what I thought was best and tell her yet again how bad all of this was killing me. She pounced on me and said some really mean things to hurt me, and then said she loved me and didn't know what to do. In the end I told her we didn't need to have anymore contact and it was because all that could come from it was more pain and suffering.

 

When I went to bed last night all I could do was lie there and feel horrible. Friggin' had nightmares and didn't rest much at all. I am just ready to move on and hope that she leaves me alone. I will just chalk yesterday up as a painful, yet valuable lesson.