Can this be the real deal?

[juliek75]

I guess I'm posting here because my friends and family are probably tired of hearing me gushing about my new guy. August 12th I informed my husband I was done and wanted a divorce...after 20 years of emotional abuse and never being good enough I finally decided it was time to stand up for myself. A month later I was introduced to this guy, I didn't feel ready at the time because the ex was still living with me until he could find his own place. I told the guy we could be friends and only that until the ex was moved out. Well long story short that didn't quite happen. We both feel like we were just meant to meet and meant to be together. Every time we'd meet up secretly we both felt like teenagers, we tried taking things slow, but we've both said we never felt anything like this before, even with our previous spouses. My ex finally moved out and we are now openly dating and things just keep getting better. There is just something there with him that I've never had before. Yes he treats me like a princess and that is something completely different for me, but these emotions feel so real. I guess my only doubts come when I'm alone and thinking about him and feeling like I don't deserve him. I just need someone to confirm that this can be this real, this fast, family has told me it's just infatuation because I have someone that treats me properly. The other thing though is that the first night I met him, while I do think he's cute, he's probably not someone I would have approached on my own, but as I said there was just "something" there I couldn't put my finger on, but something drawing me in. We both are completely different in this relationship than previous ones. Intimacy was never something I particularly enjoyed, I had a very large personal space bubble I didn't want anyone in. Yet with this guy I'm all about him being in my bubble...lol. I just want to hug him as tight as I can and not let go. I'm not shy around him like I've always been. When we're together things are just so natural and easy, it feels like we've been together forever.

[VeveCakes]

Were you married for 20 years? Now you are separated one month and already dating someone else?

 

I feel like I want to say it's a rebound....not to rain on your parade. I hope for your sake it isn't...but maybe some time to yourself might be a good idea.

[smackie9]

When you are starving....anything looks real good on the menu. Your family is right, this is infatuation. To know the difference comes from experience, which you don't have. I agree you need to step back and give yourself some breathing room. Spend time discovering your new independence and develop as an individual. I say you are going down a dangerous road making him your whole world.....you are going to lose who you are. You are just putting life on hold again but with this guy now, and not letting yourself heal.

 

Never let a man define who you are.

[Redhead14]

I guess I'm posting here because my friends and family are probably tired of hearing me gushing about my new guy. August 12th I informed my husband I was done and wanted a divorce...after 20 years of emotional abuse and never being good enough I finally decided it was time to stand up for myself. A month later I was introduced to this guy, I didn't feel ready at the time because the ex was still living with me until he could find his own place. I told the guy we could be friends and only that until the ex was moved out. Well long story short that didn't quite happen. We both feel like we were just meant to meet and meant to be together. Every time we'd meet up secretly we both felt like teenagers, we tried taking things slow, but we've both said we never felt anything like this before, even with our previous spouses. My ex finally moved out and we are now openly dating and things just keep getting better. There is just something there with him that I've never had before. Yes he treats me like a princess and that is something completely different for me, but these emotions feel so real. I guess my only doubts come when I'm alone and thinking about him and feeling like I don't deserve him. I just need someone to confirm that this can be this real, this fast, family has told me it's just infatuation because I have someone that treats me properly. The other thing though is that the first night I met him, while I do think he's cute, he's probably not someone I would have approached on my own, but as I said there was just "something" there I couldn't put my finger on, but something drawing me in. We both are completely different in this relationship than previous ones. Intimacy was never something I particularly enjoyed, I had a very large personal space bubble I didn't want anyone in. Yet with this guy I'm all about him being in my bubble...lol. I just want to hug him as tight as I can and not let go. I'm not shy around him like I've always been. When we're together things are just so natural and easy, it feels like we've been together forever.

 

JulieK, I am happy that you are enjoying this dating experience. I do, however, recommend very strongly that you step back a little and manage your emotions and expectations.

 

After having been married for 20 years and out of the dating world, I promise you things have changed somewhat and it's a jungle out there. It's really important for anyone who has recently come out of a relationship, especially an abusive/toxic one, to take some time to get established and feeling secure as an independent, single person before you jump into another relationship with a long-term focus.

 

Spend some time reading these boards and reflecting on some of the scenarios presented. You will find that 90% of the dating scenarios that develop quickly, especially after beginning shortly after the end of a previous long-term relationship, end as quickly as they developed.

 

So, yes, enjoy this but balance your emotions against logic and maturity so that you can be as objective and insightful as possible in evaluating this man in terms of what you want and need for yourself.

 

Get focused on just YOU for a while.